That's one of my complaints about SUVs. I really do not see the point of the SUV trend. They are slower, thirstier, handle like a *it on a trampoline, etc etc. If you need space buy a decent estate. Looked at Tiguan and Passat estate with daughter and son in law with 2 young kids. No comparison, Passat drove better, has more boot space and is far more economical.
While all your points are valid (apart from the trampoline bit) people like different cars for different reasons. Yes, they are slower, and generally thirstier due to their extra weight, put ....... They are easier to get in and out of, they are easier to load up (as the car is higher) and people prefer a higher driving position so they can see more of the road, or over hedges. Plus peoples lifestyles are different to yours, so a small, or large SUV type car fits their lifestyle.
I never gave a second thought (apart from my alloys) taking my Tiguan down small rugged tracks to go walking in the countryside. Tracks I'd not ever attempt in my S3. Then most SUV's AWD, so come winter or wet roads, traction is far superior to a front/rear driven estate car.
Any then again, some people like them as they are bigger, so they feel safer, and others see them as status symbols.
But again, it's choice. Some could argue that a 488GTB is pointless today, as it's impractical, thirsty, too low, too hard riding, you can't park it anyway, so why bother? But it's that persons choice to buy such a car.
And remember, the SUV's in this world, are enabling car companies to spend more cash on cars we (petrol heads) want (wish) to own.