Thanks to everyone thats commented, i drove to bridlington and back today for the sheer hell of it and called off at a couple of dealers on the way back. To sum up audi doncaster agree there is some lag but service wasnt opened today to get their thoughts, they also commented that a3's gearboxes do differ in driving styles even in the same model range(why, or ******** me thinks) , unless the software variations are different? - they did let me out in a nice red s3 saloon which to be fair drove just like mine maybe which had 0 lag in comfort mode, the gearbox was perfect and dare i say it handled better though still felt a little dead.From peoples replies in this thread and others there appears to be some randomness in dsg responsiveness between cars. A 'characteristic' no doubt.
The 3 series is a step up as it's the class above the 1 series/A3. Don't think the original post was a slight against Audi (Which is dangerous around here)
Most things listed are what they are and you will get used to them over time. To be fair though, the quickish testdrives that most people take don't really give a proper feel for the quirks of a car.
Think... the S3 is just a fast A3 and is great for all weather straight line speed. Use it as it's meant to be used and you'll settle into it better.
I called off at doncaster bmw and had a quick 30 mins on my own out in an M140 and to be fair this is probably the car i should have got, it had magic my s3 simply hasnt got, though without doubt the interior is no where as nice compared to the a3
I'm going to do the figures tonight how much it will cost to get me out of the s3 - this is my first venture with audi and i promise i'm not against the brand, just this car is not for me - lesson learnt, dont buy a car on the strength of 30 min test drive with a dealer, get a 24 hour test drive, most dealers will do them i've since learnt.
i may list it on this forum sometime soon.
But thanks for everyones help.