Registered User
OK, to lighten the mood (no offense intended....)

What do you tell a woman who has two black eyes?

Nothing. She's already been told twice....


Old ones are the best

I personally like this one which has been circling the 'net recently



Up the owls!
Jesus that sounds like my ex missis. Its easier said than done but get the hell out of there! Anyone who thows stuff with the intention of doing you an injury is not worth being with. My ex was exactly the same and I now realise I had a very lucky escape and am with someone far better


Registered User
Spot on mate, just turned 21 :laugh:

****** hell mate, i didn't think you were that young! i'm 24, and when i met you i genuinely thought you were older than me. maybe it was the Mondeo :ninja:

The Slug

Registered User
QUOTE "She keeps saying that she doesn't trust other women, but that's just a way of saying that she doesn't trust me without actually saying it...WTF am i supposed to do?"

Had that before!


ASN Veteran
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep
her. Sacha Guitry

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

'I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.' Sam Kinison

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage.' James Holt McGavran

'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second
one didn't.' Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1). Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
2). Whenever you're right, shut up. Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once. Anonymous

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
Mae West.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have
mine.' Anonymous

First man proudly, 'My wife's an angel!' 'Second man, 'You're lucky, mine's
still alive.'