Well folks, what have you just had???


Vroom Vroom
Nov 29, 2004
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Well it was a Lincoln Log for me .......


THE GHOST POO: The kind of poo where you feel it come out and you know
you`ve done it, but when you wipe there is nothing on the paper and
there is no poo in the toilet. God! That is scary!

THE TEFLON POO: The sort of poo which is so smooth and streamlined that
it virtually falls out of your bottom. You can see poo in the toilet but
there is nothing on the toilet paper.

THE HOT TAR POO: The kind of poo where even after 50 wipes you are still
getting staining on the paper so you have to put some bog roll between
your bum cheeks and in your underwear to prevent skid marks.

THE SECOND THOUGHT POO: Just as you think you`ve finished your poo and
have painstakingly wiped yourself clean and pulled your pants up to the
knees, you realize there is still some more poo to come.

THE LINCOLN LOG: The kind of poo that`s so huge you`re afraid that it
will not flush down the toilet unless you break it up into little pieces
with the bog brush. This poo only happens when you are at somebody
else`s house.

THE SWEETCORN POO: Self explanatory.

THE "I WISH I COULD POO" POO: You really fell as if you need a poo but
every time you try to dump your load, all you manage is a couple of

THE SIDE BIRTH POO: This poo hurts so much that you swear it`s coming
out sideways, your eyes water and you will probably need stitches.

THE FISHERMAN`S BOBBER POO: You do your poo and flush two times but
there is still a floater at the water line.

THE SULTANA POO: This type of poo is really frustrating. You get
yourself prepared for a "SIDE BIRTH" and spend about half an hour
sweating it out on the bog, but all you manage in the end is a small
plop resembling a sultana.

GOOEY POOEY:- This has the consistency of tar, You wipe 12 times and you
still don't come clean. In fact, you couldn't get it clean with gasoline
on a rag.

POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POO:- This is the kind of poo that killed
Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling
and purple from straining so hard.

WEIGHT WATCHERS:- You poo so much that you lose several kilograms.

RIGHT NOW POO:- You better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn
rubber getting there. Usually it has it's head out before you can get
your pants off.

KING KONG OR COMMODE CHOKER POO:- This one is so big that you know it
won't go down the pan unless you break it up into smaller chunks. A wire
coathanger works well. This kind of poo usually happens at somebody
else's house.

WET CHEEKS POO:- This poo hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash
that gets you all wet.

WISH POO:- You sit there all cramped up and fart a coupe of times, but
no poo.

CEMENT BLOCK POO:- (usually with extra blue metal). You wish you'd
gotten a spinal block before you pooed.

SNAKE POO:- This poo is fairly soft in texture, about as thick as your
thumb and at least 3 feet long.

BEER, DRUNK AND MEAT PIE POO:- This happens the day after the night
before. Normally your poo doesn't smell too bad, but this one is
B.A.D.Usually this one happens at somebody else's home and there is
someone standing outside waiting to use the toilet.

INDIAN FOOD POO:- (also called Screamers). You know it's alright to eat
again when your bum stops burning.

THE CHINESE POO:- Half an hour after having one you need to go again.

THE EXPLOSIVE POO:- It takes speacial preparation for this poo, usually
a combination of beans, potatoes, and bran. It blasts out like a flame
thrower, and leaves a spray about the toilet bowl.

CLEAN POO:- The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl,
but there's no poo on the toilet paper.

CROWD PLEASER POO:- This poo is so intriguing in size and/or appearance
that you have to show it to someone before flushing.

You also have the Roger Mellies' (VIZ comic) short version.....
Crop Spraying
Cable laying
Muddy Boots......

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