Little Joke For Us Audi Fans

[Dadar]

A German guy called Helmut approaches a lady of the night in London .
"I vish to buy sex viz you."
"Okay," says the girl, "I charge £50 an hour."
"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky."
"No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky for an extra £10."
Helmut agrees
So off they go the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
"I vant zat you tie zese springs to each of your hans und knees."
The girl finds this odd, but complies, fastening the springs as requested.
"Now you vill get down on your hans und knees."
This she duly does, balancing precariously on the springs.
"You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you."
She thinks this even odder, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying).
But the sex is fantastic: honking away on the duck caller, she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German. The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say, "That was totally amazing! What do you call that position?"
"Zat," replies the German, "is ze Four-sprung Duck Technique."

 

[chasen]

funny

 

[boffin486]

 

[Alexia]

What was the purpose of the Audi owner bringing a ladder to the bar? He'd heard the beers were on the house!

Comment: As an Audi enthusiast, this joke hits the accelerator on humor! top follow

 

[Alexia]

Thank you everyone

 

[Astronautninja]

Bravo

 

[vandalisingcloud]

A German guy called Helmut approaches a lady of the night in London .
"I vish to buy sex viz you."
"Okay," says the girl, "I charge £50 an hour."
"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky."
"No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky for an extra £10."
Helmut agrees
So off they go the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
"I vant zat you tie zese springs to each of your hans und knees."
The girl finds this odd, but complies, fastening the springs as requested.
"Now you vill get down on your hans und knees."
This she duly does, balancing precariously on the springs.
"You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you."
She thinks this even odder, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying).
But the sex is fantastic: honking away on the duck caller, she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German. The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say, "That was totally amazing! What do you call that position?"
"Zat," replies the German, "is ze Four-sprung Duck Technique."

Well written, couldn't help but doing the accent in my head!

 

[Wondering98]

Appreciate the jokes – you’ve got some serious comedy skills! Had me cracking up. Keep 'em coming

 

[boffin486]

Haven't posted here before but I'll give it a go folks!

The American Military, in conjunction with the British Military decided that trained animals could be the way forward in stealth warfare.

They decided to try a simple experiment, could a trained monkey be capable of using its training to obey commands with coded whistles from its handler. A suitably clever monkey was recruited from Whipsnade Zoo & the training began. It had to learn that, on 3 short whistles it would perform a desired action.

At the same time, they decided to experiment with naturally fed animals to see if they could be used as anti-personnel devices. They chose a pig off a farm in Winconsin as an easily available & pretty intelligent animal for the development. The experiment was to feed the pig, as long & as much as it could eat whilst, at the same time corking it up with a rubber stopper at the back end.

After high level meetings, they decided to combine their efforts & a suitable venue was established in Arizona, out in the desert to keep the public away.

Bunkers were built, a mile apart, with high powered telescopes to observe the success of the two experiments, The pig, rather large by now, was unloaded from its tank transporter, given a bowl of feed & it happily stood in the middle, facing the British bunker & munching away.

The monkey was placed beside the pig, given a banana & it sat there eating it & chittering away happily.

The American General, in his bunker, took charge & decided a countdown was in order.

The British General, in his bunker, handed the trainer a loud hailer to whistle into when the countdown ended.

Over the radio, the countdown began from 10 to 0. The British General nodded at the trainer who triggered the loud hailer & whistled 3 times.

The monkey perked up, jumped onto the pigs back and pulled the Rubber bung out.

There was an enormously loud farting sort of explosion and a massive plume of pigsh1t shot out downrange and covered the American General & his staff completely!

“Good Grief!” said the British General & legged it over to the American bunker with his staff to render assistance.

With a lot of shovelling, they finally got the Americans out but were disconcerted to find their General was laughing uncontrollably.

After finally calming him down, The Brit General asked him what was so funny about the successful combined experiment.

He said “Boy, yah just HADDA see that monkey trying ta get the Cork back in!”

 

[Wondering98]