- Now on sale at IKEA - beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove.
- A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related.
- Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.
- I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.
- The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.
- Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's crap at snooker.
- Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.
- If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it - It's Spam.
- They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly.