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My Misses packed my bags and told me to get out, and as i walked out the front door she screamed......." I wish you a slow and painful death you Bas***d!" "Oh" I replied, "So you want me to stay now!"

A bloke in a bangkok brothell ask the prostitute if she does anal "yes but i will have to wear a condom because i dont like getting **** on my ****"

I rang my wife at work today and said, "Do you fancy going for a few drinks and something to eat after work?" "Yes." She said, "I would love to." I said, "Great, will you get a case of lager and three pizzas, all the lads are coming round."

went to the chippy earlier asked them for a jordans gash its a kebab with a few vegetables hanging out

Just cancelled my order for one LMFAO:laugh:

THE WIFE HAS LEFT ME! SHE SAID I LOVE FOOTBALL MORE THAN I LOVE HER . IT HAS REALLY UPSET ME.I HAVE BEEN WITH HER FOR TWELVE SEASONS!

A young journalism student at the University of Tennessee was assigned to write a human interest story, so he went up into the mountains were he found an old farmer sitting on his porch. He introduced himself, explained his mission, and asked, "Has anything ever happened here that made you...

:lmfao:

LMAO:yes:

One day a man is walking down the street when he sees a woman with the most perfect tits he'd ever seen He goes over and asks if he can bite her tits for £100. She declines, disgusted. "Ok then" he says, "£1000?" Again, disgusted she declines "Ok ok how about £10,000?" Thinking about this she...

A man born with three testacles is walking down the road one day and sees a bookmakers and has an idea. He strolls into the bookmakers with a confident smile on his face. He asks, "What odds will you give me that between us we have 5 testacles?" The bookie chuckles and says, "I'll give you very...

Obviously a bmw thats been pimped:no:

Two Aussie builders (Phil and Eric) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit. Phil: - I reckon he's an accountant. Eric: - No way - he's a...

:lmfao:

The nun playing golf A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it" When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder. Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go...

OUCH:thumbsup:

A married couple were on holiday in Ireland. They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper say, 'Be Jasus, You tourists! Come into me humble shop!' So the couple walked in and old Shamus...

An old man goes into a chemist to buy some Viagra "Can I have 6 tablets cut into quarters please" "I can cut them up for you" said the chemist, " but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection" "I am 96" said the old man "I don't want an erection" "I just want it to stick out...

cars.uk.msn.com/news/car_news_article.aspx?cp-documentid=148669888

A man walks up to a boy working in a shop and says “I would like half a head of lettuce” The boy turned to the man and said “we only sell full heads, sir” furious, the man demanded the boy confront the manager about it So the boy went to the manager and said “Boss, there’s some old **** out here...