ASN's Pub

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Once got railroaded by the lads into taking this fat lass home after making her cry in a kebab shop

she was 17 stone, elastic pants

prob due to not being able to shoot my load cos she was that fugly

Then spent the next 2 yrs dodging the fat mess.

and...

 

[mikeyg]

So it appears some of you have met my wife!






(I hope she never finds this,only joking wife!)

 

[ScottD3]

HAHA brilliant lads.
Making my day a bit more interesting. lol

I was in a club once with some friends and my ex and her friends walked in.
As the night went on and i got more drunk, I tried having a quicky with her in the toilets but she said, so all frustrated and ****** off, I picked up any bird that was game and did it with her in the loo. The main aim was to **** my ex off but same thing as Aythreee, something clicked and I noticed what this bird looked like.
I was so ashamed I walked out of the club and a taxi home.
Left every one else at the club. For ages they thought I took this crankie look alike home.
I never went back to club.

 

[damo.h]

I remember another time that I banged a girl that I didn't really want to. I went to her house, did the deed, and at the moment of release it was like someone opened my cranium, removed my brain which didn't mind the girl and replaced it with one that hated her. I had to get out of there and never come back, sooooo.......
I got up, said I had to go to the shop to get something to eat, went downstairs and got straight into my car, closed my car door (which she must've heard, as next......), my mobile rang with her saying....... "why are you taking your car, it's only around the corner?!".
I told her I had to get some money from the glovebox and said I'd see her in a few minutes.
I looked up and saw her leaning out of the window, so I had to walk around the corner, wait for a few minutes until she had gone back inside, then I went back to my car, got in it and took the handbrake off and rolled down the road, holding the door open with one hand and steering with the other.

It was like the east london version of the great escape.

Sneaky sneaky

Remember I was on my way home from a 6 month tour of NI andy mate rang to tell me my missus at the time had copped of with some **** ed in town the night before. I was gutted id been away for ages and had a sack like santa but more so cos she was the spit of neiv cambell. Anyway I phoned her and told her to meet me at home. As I got to my parents house she was sat outside I didn't say much just grabbed her hand and lead her to my room. Where I banged the *** of it. Just as I got vinegar Stoke out the way I told her it was over me still on all fours she ran out of my room clutching clothing screaming at me for being a heartless ****** and said she was going to get her old man to stove my head in..... WTF

And another 2yrs of dodging started

 

[S3RYE]

30% Robbin tw@'s I'm looking in to mine at the mo. Think I'll do 6 month of juggling @ 0% then wack it all back to barclays if nothing else turns up.

yeh im gonna try MBNA... they sent me through some bits today!

Now I know how you all afford your S3's!

There are some shocking credit card rates out there. Hope you get some good 0% deals!!!

mate fortunately i dont have the S3 on the CC my payments would be

 

[crazy88]

mate fortunately i dont have the S3 on the CC my payments would be

I was just kidding anyway! I'm only jealous cos i've got a diesel A4 avant, ha.

 

[S3RYE]

I was just kidding anyway! I'm only jealous cos i've got a diesel A4 avant, ha.

i wish i had a diesel A4 with petrol the way it is... ive been filling up with tenners purposely so i conserve my petty a bit... (when its full i beleive i have unlimited fuel and drive like a tool) ive been petrol station twice today!!!

 

[crazy88]

Yeah i'm similar. I drive with my foot planted for the first half a tank and then like a grandma for the rest. Luckily I hardly use the car, but it still stings filling up with nearly £80 of diesel

 

[ScottD3]

Fuel prices sucks.
Luckly I dont really pay for fuel when i'm bristol.
My dad makes biofuel so I just get a couple of litres of him to cover my fuel and I claim my fuel expenses back from my misses work.
So quids in if we time it right.

 

[mikeyg]

I dont think my car has been over 2k revs for the last couple of weeks! According to the display im getting 37.5mpg on this tank! Not bad for a 1.8T i guess.

 

[damo.h]

Same here I'm on unlimited fule with co car. Which is good if I wanna go on a long run but I like to snatch the keys outa her handbag and take the s3 whenever I get chance. Then I get the old ..... My cars empty again silly ******!! To which I usually reply who's car( under mumbled breath)

 

[S3RYE]

30% Robbin tw@'s I'm looking in to mine at the mo. Think I'll do 6 month of juggling @ 0% then wack it all back to barclays if nothing else turns up.

it doesnt help when you take out your nans 1.2 fiat 500.. fill the tank up for £38 and get 450 miles range!! that was a kick in the nuts! then i tried driving it a bit hard to see how quick i could get the range down!!! it didnt... S3's drink petrol like george best drank guiness!

 

[superkarl]

it doesnt help when you take out your nans 1.2 fiat 500.. fill the tank up for £38 and get 450 miles range!! that was a kick in the nuts! then i tried driving it a bit hard to see how quick i could get the range down!!! it didnt... S3's drink petrol like george best drank guiness!

ahmen to that!

 

[ScottD3]

Its thursday, which means tomorrow is half a day friday.
And one the best news is i got something to do today and its not procrastnating.

I got 2 printers to swap (I get to play with the guns as well), 1 printer to remove (I get to play with gas masks) and a remote pointer to drop off (I get to play with boats, engines and see if I have a go on their CNC machines). so all in all a fun couple of hours.
I think i'll do em this after noon and go home early.

Any thing else happening in the bit wide world?

Sidi, Change of plans last night. Never got a chance to go past mutley. Was meant to go past this morning but that never happened (stupid women). I should go past on saturday if you still want me to check it out.

 

[sidibear]

No worries dude, just whenever you are passing.

 

[mikeyg]

Well i wish today would get a move on! Im of tomorrow so i know today is going to drag, and the phones are hardly ringing this morning

 

[Dane]

it doesnt help when you take out your nans 1.2 fiat 500.. fill the tank up for £38 and get 450 miles range!! that was a kick in the nuts! then i tried driving it a bit hard to see how quick i could get the range down!!! it didnt... S3's drink petrol like george best drank guiness!

I managed to get mine from 70 miles left, after a spirited drive, to 130 miles left on the 4 mile cool down journey home. mmm 6th gear!

 

[S3RYE]

I managed to get mine from 70 miles left, after a spirited drive, to 130 miles left on the 4 mile cool down journey home. mmm 6th gear!

yeh i remember going up to manchester with a full tank reading about 280, there was a 50mph average for about 15 miles andi got it up to 480!!! the minute the speed restriction stopped back up to 70! and it was down to 300 in about 10 miles lol! ive actually given up with them things to be honest.. Make you think you have more petrol than you do!!

 

[Welly]

I don't look at the range computer ever. It just depresses me.

 

[Ads]

I'm currently driving around like a retarded snail at the moment, trying to find out the most miles I can get out of a tank, non-motorway.
When I filled up it was showing 490.... 170 miles later (and just under half a tank) its now showing 130 left.
Seeing as my worst (usual) from a tank is 220-230 I'm on course for a good return, but my god these have been the most BORING drives I've had since owning a 1.0 Nova. I don't think the turbo has cut in once.
I've almost thrown in the towel and caned it a few times though, because some muppets have tried to tempt me into a little race. I stayed strong and resisted though.

 

[ScottD3]

Best I've ever got from a full tank was 650miles.
The light came on and filled the tank up.
I think I could have got about 700miles out of tank.

Diesels for the win yall.

 

[Dane]

Best I've ever got from a full tank was 650miles.
The light came on and filled the tank up.
I think I could have got about 700miles out of tank.

Diesels for the win yall.

That makes me sick.

 

[johnnythepie]

i wish i had a diesel A4 with petrol the way it is... ive been filling up with tenners purposely so i conserve my petty a bit... (when its full i beleive i have unlimited fuel and drive like a tool) ive been petrol station twice today!!!

you can have mine.it does 32 mpg...

 

[mikeyg]

Best I've ever got from a full tank was 650miles.
The light came on and filled the tank up.
I think I could have got about 700miles out of tank.

Diesels for the win yall.

Wow that is impressive! Best i have ever got out of the wifes Mondeo TDCi is 500 miles.

 

[Ads]

Diesels for the win yall.

.....if you like having to make four gear changes to get to 30mph.

 

[ScottD3]

.....if you like having to make four gear changes to get to 30mph.

It's a auto.
I just point and shoot.

 

[Ads]

I just point and shoot.

Are we still talking cars, or have we moved back to sexual encounters?

 

[ScottD3]

Are we still talking cars, or have we moved back to sexual encounters?

Both. lol


Woo-Hoo.
I fixed the GHDs. happy days.
I would say it saved me from buying her a new pair but now I saved money on new GHDs, she wants some ugg boots.
Damn it!!
I want to do my gear box oil. lol

 

[ScottD3]

Its friday!!!!
Fecking A.

That is all.

 

[crazy88]

FRIDAY FTW!!!!!! I finish late on a friday though, won't be done until 5:30-6pm and I usually finish at 4...doh. Still love friday's though. Pub lunch today, which means a 2hr dinner.

Also, seen as this is the ASN pub, and we talk manly things...I got laid big time last night. Oooh yeah!!!!!!

 

[ScottD3]

FRIDAY FTW!!!!!! I finish late on a friday though, won't be done until 5:30-6pm and I usually finish at 4...doh. Still love friday's though. Pub lunch today, which means a 2hr dinner.

Also, seen as this is the ASN pub, and we talk manly things...I got laid big time last night. Oooh yeah!!!!!!

I'll be down the pub at 12ish knowing I dont have to go back to work untill monday.

Well done that lad.
Its not true what they say about Married Life then?

 

[crazy88]

I'll be down the pub at 12ish knowing I dont have to go back to work untill monday.

Well done that lad.
Its not true what they say about Married Life then?

It's mostly true about married life...but it all changes when you begin trying for a kid Suddenly you feel 18 again. Last month I actually turned it down once, I felt like such a spaz the next day.

I have a weekend of DIY and marking to do, yay! Still, better than being stuck in the office all day

 

[damo.h]

Also, seen as this is the ASN pub, and we talk manly things...I got laid big time last night. Oooh yeah!!!!!!

O was ment to be getting me some last night.... She said "you lock up babe and I'll meet you up there... Quick run round the house, all secure, cheeky little jog up the stairs, brush teeth, quick **** then into the lurve nest ready for some action( you can tell it's been a couple of days)......

Her =

Snoring



Bitch!!!!!!!


Me=

Not happy (major face on)


Horny as feck

Can't get to sleep with all this wood in my bed

Now that's married life once the kids arrive

 

[crazy88]

O was ment to be getting me some last night.... She said "you lock up babe and I'll meet you up there... Quick run round the house, all secure, cheeky little jog up the stairs, brush teeth, quick **** then into the lurve nest ready for some action( you can tell it's been a couple of days)......

Her =

Snoring



Bitch!!!!!!!


Me=

Not happy (major face on)


Horny as feck

Can't get to sleep with all this wood in my bed

Now that's married life once the kids arrive

I know exactly how you feel. I'm on a temporary revival due to trying for number 2, but as soon as that's all done i'll be back to the scenario you just mentioned.

It's amazing how each night when we go to sleep at the same time, she always moans as I fall asleep so quick. Yet when she goes 2 mins before me she falls asleep in seconds. And she has a headache and needs to wash her hair.

 

[ScottD3]

It's mostly true about married life...but it all changes when you begin trying for a kid Suddenly you feel 18 again. Last month I actually turned it down once, I felt like such a spaz the next day.

I have a weekend of DIY and marking to do, yay! Still, better than being stuck in the office all day

How about getting some pics of your car as well?

Married life sucks..............or not.

If she makes me wait, I make her wait twice as long or start and then go to the loo and go a sleep. lol

I still end us losing

 

[Dane]

Not related to the married with kids chat, I finished work at my second job last night and went for a drive only to see a white V10 R8 with black spoked alloys and white dishes. So I just followed it for a bit with the windows down listening to it until I thought I compliment the chap on a lovely car. I pull along side and he was the same age as me! (give a year or two) Im 22 how does that happen?! The insurance on it alone must be more than my car!

It does put it into perspective though, I think my cars pretty quick but aint half slow compared to that thing!

 

[damo.h]

I used to be on the nest at least once a day sometimes twice

Now I'm walking round like John Wayne most days just waiting for the nod to jump on for a little rumpy pumpy mumbling things like "bend over" or " while Yr down there" iv turned onto a right pest lol

 

[ScottD3]

Not related to the married with kids chat, I finished work at my second job last night and went for a drive only to see a white V10 R8 with black spoked alloys and white dishes. So I just followed it for a bit with the windows down listening to it until I thought I compliment the chap on a lovely car. I pull along side and he was the same age as me! (give a year or two) Im 22 how does that happen?! The insurance on it alone must be more than my car!

It does put it into perspective though, I think my cars pretty quick but aint half slow compared to that thing!

Mommy and daddy money, must be.

 

[S3RYE]

friday!!! and i didnt get laid last night!! my missus has an infected bite on her leg, put her majorly out of action two different anti biotics

 

[crazy88]

friday!!! and i didnt get laid last night!! my missus has an infected bite on her leg, put her majorly out of action two different anti biotics

You see, this is always my problem...something like this occurs. A bite on the leg, a headache, whatever the excuse...however, i'm more than happy for my mrs just to lay there and let me at it, but she won't let me.

Gutted you didn't get any though. We need to start a poll. We've already found out that people who own audi's have got girls, but now lets see how often we get it.