Women's Humour My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the Other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big f***ing red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a big diamond. My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in. A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you." Q.:- What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A.:- A rumour. He said, "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly." She said, "Well, you've succeeded." He said, "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?" She said, "That's a good idea......you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart." He said, "What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I gave you?" She said, "Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat b****ard." Q.:- What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A.:- 45 minutes Q.:- What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A.:- Through his chest with a sharp knife. Q.:- Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good looking? A.:- Because those men already have boyfriends. Q.:- What makes men chase women if they have no intention of marrying? A.:- The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Q.:- What do you do if you see a man running around with half a head? A.:- Reload and try again!