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Women!!!

Discussion in 'Rants & Raves' started by smudge_don, Jan 25, 2011.

  1. smudge_don
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    smudge_don Active Member

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    This isn't the 1st time that this has happened. Please keep that in mind while i rant on

    Me and the Mrs have been together for about 18months now, and ****'s getting serious as she's moving in as soon as the house sale goes through, which should be very soon

    She's always been extremely insecure and incredibly judgmental towards anyone and everyone. For example, one of my best friends is a girl called Kat, who i've known since i was 11 and we did used to go out for about 2 weeks until we realised that our friendship was more important.

    I see this girl every so often, and when my Mrs 1st found out that i was going out for drinks with another girl she went spastic. Even after explaining to her about mine and Kat's past, she still wasn't willing to let it go and basically forbid me from seeing her. So i told her to get stuffed, it all got nasty and then we kissed and made up. Since, her and Kat have become very good friends....go figure!

    After the realisation that i would choose my friends over the Mrs, she calmed down a bit and began to accept the fact that i do have girls who are friends.

    However, she's now at it again! A very good friend of mine from school who i've never done anything with apart from be friends with, contacted me via Facebook as she wanted to catch up because we sort of lost contact over the last 2 years or so.

    She text me the other day asking how i was and when i was free to go for a drink. No harm there. I replied saying that i'd have to ask the Mrs coz i know how sensitive she is about this and that i would get back to her.

    I hadn't asked the Mrs yet as i've been very busy with work and the house move at the moment, but she decided to go through my phone last night while i was asleep. Not the 1st time she's done that either. As well as hacking my facebook before....

    The Mrs is basically saying to me that she has to APPROVE of my friends before i'm allowed to go and see them! WTF is this woman on!? Why should i have to put my friends that i've known for years through a questioning process with the Mrs just so that i can see them!?

    She keeps saying that she doesn't trust other women, but that's just a way of saying that she doesn't trust me without actually saying it...WTF am i supposed to do? She's adomant that i can't see this girl or any others that are my friends until she has met them.

    Is it just me that see's this as extremely unreasonable or can anyone see where i'm coming from?

    Someone please console me before i lose my mind!!!
    #1
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  3. gavin89
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    gavin89 Wana go Low gotta go Slow

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    Your missus sounds very insecure and bit jealous too! Im sure you know you gotta have trust in a relationship, I don't think shes got any of that. You need to sit her down again and raise this issue, tell her the truth, reassure her that she has nowt to worry about, and her current behavior is unacceptable. Hopefully she'll realise her mistakes and move on!
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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    Sure I've read a post about this before. Can't remember if it was from you.

    Anyway.... one question..... how would you feel if it was her wanting to meet random male friends from her past?

    To be fair, I do see why its irritating you (it would irritate me too), but then I can see why she feels the way she does also.
    Her meeting everyone of your female friends before you meet up with them is not realistic. If you're adamant about meeting up with them then you're going to have to convince her that a verbal down-low on each of them and a bit of trust is going to have to be sufficent.
    #3
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    [Jan 25, 2011]
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  6. david7m
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    david7m Active Member

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    They are weird aren't they - end of my contribution :D

    If she has hacked your FB and phone, will see not see this post too?

    How about a compromise and you meet them with her too occassionally?

    Dave
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    Turkster Bro.Paul 2.5TDI Quattro Sport

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    A relationship is built on TRUST, if no trust is in place at the START then there will not be any there at the END and there will be an END if there is no TRUST,

    mate, its cruel to be kind, cut your loses now before its too late and you wake up with half of everything you worked hard for given away to another human,

    she is clearly not the soul partner your looking for, my dad woke me up to the truth when i was younger when i was going out with a girl just like that, he said to me, "there are enough problems outside the 4 walls that you live in, don't bring a problem into your 4 walls" and the very best thing he said to me was, "shes a problem, let her be someone else problem" thanks to god i listened to him, 5 years later she went to prison for stabbing her husband whilst he was asleep because she see him saying "hi" to the new neighbours 14 year old daughter whilst he was walking up the driveway after putting the bins out that night.
    #6
  8. jojo
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    jojo Looking for Boost! Staff Member Moderator

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    I think you need a lads night out mate.
    #7
  9. consilio
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    consilio Up the owls!

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    Can we have pics of these girls please?

    On a serious note, its down to trust and she obviously does not trust you for whatever reason. For me this would be a major issue, me and the mrs can both socialise with whoever we like provided that we know it is happening because there is 100% trust there.
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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    I think that's an isolated incident.
    #9
  11. s3dave
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    s3dave TFSI Hybrid Supporter

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    I think you are making her like that.....i dont think many women would put up with their fella going for a drink with another women who she does not know...
    #10
  12. Dane
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    Dane Faster than a V12 Q7

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    I used to have a gf like that dude, it's never easy. Maybe you could get Kat to talk to her and say something like 'look you didnt like me(/ the idea of me) to begin with but here we are, friends'

    Generally I found the sensible friend was the way into the crazy girls head, but then again girls can just be idiots, the crazy ex was convinced that I was sleeping with one if not 2 of 5 housemates - retard. But man she was hot

    [​IMG]
    #11
  13. smudge_don
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    smudge_don Active Member

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    I've tried this 3 times now, and each time it works for a few weeks, then just goes back to this! It's insane!!!

    Ye it was me :laugh: proof that it's not the 1st time!

    This is the thing, they're not random people, they are friends that i've had for years. She meets up with someone that she's known for a few years from her diabetes camp thing that she went on when she was young, i have no problems with it and this guy phones her on like a monthly basis to check how she's doing. I've never met the guy, yet i don't go ballistic at her and start saying that she can't see him or speak to him.

    Yet when it comes to me and a friend that i've know for years, she's supposed to "approve" of them before they can continue being my friend

    And she can't see what i mean by double standards....

    I'm not just going to cut out friends from my life that i've had for years, because she doesn't approve

    Friends before the Mrs in my opinion

    Don't really care if she see's this tbh, nothing incriminating in anything that i've done, yet she makes me out to be scum of the earth!!!

    Thanks for the advice, but i can see myself being stabbed if i was ever to leave her....

    Tell me about it! Your round? :)

    Plenty in the "pics of your Mrs thread" :laugh:

    I keep telling her this, and she just comes back with "i trust you, just not the girls that you see"

    Which is basically saying that she doesn't trust me but won't admit that to me

    Very good idea mate, she seems to get on well with Kat now so maybe she can fight part of my battle for me

    Thanks for all the advice, i'm just getting sick of this going round and round in circles now
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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    This is a problem, and will cause more problems. Not saying you're wrong for feeling this, but it kinda sums up where you're at in your relationship. You sure you should be moving in together??
    When it comes down to it... my missus comes before friends. That's why I made her my missus.
    #13
  15. smudge_don
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    smudge_don Active Member

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    My friends are more important to me than someone who will no doubt cause me grief as much as humanly possible
    #14
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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    Remind me why you are letting her move in??
    #15
  17. Dane
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    Dane Faster than a V12 Q7

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    Whilst I completely understand, there is a flip side to that, should Smudge give into his Ladies way of thinking this time around and not catch up with his friend on this occassion she could potentially start to think that she can act like that with all of the his friends to the extent where she acts the same about guy friends 'But they are a bad influence on you' etc etc. Plus if Smudge backs down on this occassion but refuses to about another female friend, she could start to think well whats so special about her he didnt go and see that other girl... Completely unreasonable I know but you've got to think like a crazy girl. With all due respect.
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2011
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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    Women are from venus, men are from mars.
    Sometimes when you "give in" to a woman you're not actually giving in to a woman. I see it more like buying credit for your mobile phone to be used at a later date. :sly:

    But at the end of the day.........
    1) She doesn't like him seeing female friends. He likes seeing female friends.
    2) She wants to be more important than his friends. His friends are more important to him than she is.

    Doesn't sound like a good basis to start living together, especially number 2.
    #17
  19. Sarah's A3
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    Sarah's A3 MODERATOR V6 S3 Hybrid Staff Member Moderator

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    Hey Jord, step back and take a deep breath. Want some advice from a girlie whos not a psycho mentalist???

    I think (and yeah I could be wrong) but you may not be helping things here. Women are sensitve, true enough but in the end all we really want is to feel wanted, sexy and important. Have your friends, but you do seem to have alot which I can see will make her insecure. Whats the harm in taking her along, doubt after the first meet she will want to keep going. But it keeps it in the open with nothing to hide. You say your friends are more importatnt to you, shame really because to have a soul mate is like nothing else, having friends, male and female that mean more to her probably comes across in how you treat her and she is obviously picking up on this. So in an unintentional way you could be adding to her insecurity. We are all different and you will get a mixed bag of replies here from guys who will say bin her, keep her, ignore her etc etc but at the end of the day, its your life and you have to live it and be happy. Deep down only you knows if she is the one, really the one, if not then maybe happiness wont be fully there. Trust is important, I agree, but it also comes with time, patience and feelings.
    Maybe you should spoil her a bit more. I dont mean pressies, but cosy sexy nights in, making her feel special and wanted and trying to please her! Just a thought!! Good luck mate, whatever you do.
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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    :crying: That was beautiful. Almost like a song.

    Some good advice there, I'm being serious.
    #19
  21. Sarah's A3
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    Sarah's A3 MODERATOR V6 S3 Hybrid Staff Member Moderator

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    Why thank you. I must admit, sometimes you guys have me laughing but just a few little efforts go a long long way with us girlies lol! For me, its a car I can work on or a track day! lol
    #20
  22. N8
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    N8 Kowalski Details VCDS Map User

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    I told him that TIME ago
    #21
  23. jojo
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    jojo Looking for Boost! Staff Member Moderator

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    I was trying to do an Eminem with that bit of text there... it might just work!
    #22
  24. Sarah's A3
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    Sarah's A3 MODERATOR V6 S3 Hybrid Staff Member Moderator

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    Just dont rap it out loud eh Joe! lol
    #23
  25. tku
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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    Agree. That was lovely. And if anything it looks like we have swayed over to his GF's side. SMudge_don your a T**T!

    HAHA kidding. :ninja:
    #24
  26. crazy88
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    crazy88 Loving the anonymity

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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    Well, what a thread! Ever thought of becoming a puff?

    In all seriousness...I would happily take my wife to see old mates, she's my best mate and I love going to do things and seeing people with her. Plus, i'd love them to see the fact that such an ugly dude got a hot wife.

    :)
    #25
  27. One Spoke
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    [Jan 25, 2011]
    If you're not happy, bail out before it's too late.
    #26
  28. sub39h
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    [Jan 26, 2011]
    there's a lot going on here man - i've never considered moving in with a girl before (i'm from an asian background and that would generally be a no-no) but i certainly wouldn't consider it with someone who doesn't trust me. however i see the point that aythreee raised about how you'd feel if she was off with a guy mate and it would drive me totally bonkers. not that i'm into horoscopes but i am your typical jealous scorpio (supposedly) lol.

    the thing is that moving in is a big step, and if you'd sometimes rather spend your time with other ppl and not her how will you feel when she's ALWAYS there? and she'll be up in your business even more. i mean this is obviously important to you because you've given up your car to pursue it, but at this stage i'd have expected her to come first, and your mates to come second (female or otherwise).

    playing devil's advocate i think it's wake-up call time - you're better off cutting your losses now rather than after you've moved in (and end up being stabbed if some of the stories on this thread are anything to go by :ninja:)

    best of luck to you man

    S.
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2011
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  29. Allroader
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    Allroader Audi *****s breed like rabbits

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    [Jan 26, 2011]
    - We've been together 27 years. We knew within 6 weeks of meeting it was right for life.
    - Your partner is number 1 until kids come along and then men (and women) have to accept the kids are number 1 or at least equal.
    - Friends, joint and separate, are essential to keep sanity in a relationship.
    - Opposite sex friends should show you respect the opposite sex, not be looking for opportunities (which tbh I think she's getting vibes off you that due to her ways, you'll actually be relieved if you met 'the one')
    - Has one or more of her girlfriends stolen a man off her (she doesn't respect other women)?
    - Is she even being so blunt as to say you shouldn't trust me, so I won't trust you.

    Imho, it isn't working, call it a day. It may help you not to get involved with anyone for a while and it may even show her that her actions (not your intentions) doomed your relationship.

    The house move is an excuse, if the relationship was right it would actually be something to look forward to instead of the concern it is raising. Too many couples break up too late for fear of never finding a soul-mate and just drifting along together.

    An old saying that bears some truth is that a woman chooses a man she feels she can 'improve'. When the man knows this and accepts and appreciates his partners efforts to mould him (where he can see the benefit) the relationship can develop. However, the best relationships imho come from both partners accepting they will change as time passes and accepting they need to change together. You have to work at it and both of you find out what little (and big) things your partner needs to make them feel special.

    You know how you feel and if she's worth being your future in your eyes (or you in hers) did you need to post this thread?

    All of the above is simply my opinion and isn't worth a jot if you wake up and know she's the one for you.

    Best wishes for both of your futures, however it turns out.
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2011
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  30. smudge_don
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    smudge_don Active Member

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    [Jan 26, 2011]
    Thanks for the comments guys

    Sometimes i do just wanna cut the cord and be done with it all, but at the same time i do love her dearly and 95% of the time we get along extremely well

    I just wish you could of seen her last night though. She turned into a complete psycho to the point where i had to walk out of my own flat because she was throwing things at me and hitting me. She grabbed my keys before i had a chance to but i still went down the road to a mates house.

    Then i got abusive texts and shes saying stupid stuff like i'm going home (to Beford, about 80miles away) with your keys and your work laptop. That's the sort of snide, pathetic person that she can be. If she doesn't get her own way, she'll just make life harder for me

    So i'm stuck tbh. I love her and do see a future, but at the same time i don't want someone who is going to be controlling who i can and cannot see. I don't ever stop her from going out to see people, be it male or female. So why should she be able to control what i do?
    #29
  31. david7m
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    david7m Active Member

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    [Jan 26, 2011]
    Mate, nip it in the bud, it will only get worse :( NEVER leave your own home dude, that's your castle!!

    Dave
    #30
  32. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    [Jan 26, 2011]
    A hard one. Lets be honest, from an outsider perspective, you can understand both angles.

    She obviously has some issues, and I would expect that they stem from being hurt before in a previous relationship, being cheated on or whatever.

    I'd say to her that the way she is being is driving you apart, and that the lack of trust she has for you is a serious concern to be fair. See where to conversation goes on from that.
    #31
  33. jojo
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    jojo Looking for Boost! Staff Member Moderator

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    [Jan 26, 2011]
    What do you drink mate? :beerchug:
    #32
  34. Allroader
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    Allroader Audi *****s breed like rabbits

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    [Jan 26, 2011]
    The real question is will she let you drink it?

    If the sexes were reversed in your scenario, there'd be a chorus of kick him out/go to the police. Domestic abuse cuts both ways more often than people seem to accept.
    #33
  35. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    [Jan 26, 2011]
    ?? Random.... lol.
    #34
  36. david7m
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    david7m Active Member

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    [Jan 26, 2011]
    I reckon a punch to the chops :(

    Dave
    #35
  37. jojo
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    jojo Looking for Boost! Staff Member Moderator

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    [Jan 26, 2011]
    Not really....

    #36
  38. Gops
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    Gops 6th gear @7000rpm

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    [Jan 26, 2011]
    hey dude. thought id put my input in! Ive had this problem and tbh i still do occasionally. The reason i found why some women are like this is just the fact that we get on with women well. Some women (not all) feel insecure just on this fact. I wanted to see an old friend whom i knew 4 years prior to meeting my girlfriend who was coming to my uni to meet one of her old friends, but thought it would be good to see me whilst she was there! My gf went ape at this but then calmed down after a while only because I had a 2 hour conversation about who she is and why i know her etc.. Sarah is right when she says that you should take her with you to meet her. Take her a few times to make her realise that its no big deal and that people you meet from the past are just friends, good friends and that it's good to see them after such a long time! After taking her a few times, she may realise that, "hey actually i have nothing to be insecure about!" I see you've done this before with your friend kat, so why not ask kat to help you out a little bit? Trust is a big factor and you should address this to her in the calmest of manors to her. Keep your cool too, because as soon as she goes out of hand, you can address the fact that she's the one being unreasonable; not you.

    Hope that helps a little, and let us know how your getting along! :icon_thumright:
    #37
  39. voorhees
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    voorhees Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    [Jan 26, 2011]
    Read it now and haven't a clue:wacko:
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2011
    #38
  40. crazy88
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    crazy88 Loving the anonymity

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    [Jan 26, 2011]
    Have you read the whole thread???

    Last edited: Jan 26, 2011
    #39
  41. Turkster
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    Turkster Bro.Paul 2.5TDI Quattro Sport

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    [Jan 26, 2011]
    That goes both ways too, but a gentle reminder to us men is always good,
    #40

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