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"What Time is It?" Joke 'O Time!

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by neversaydie, Dec 8, 2005.

  1. neversaydie
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    neversaydie Post Whore

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    [Dec 8, 2005]
    Did you hear Gary Glitters' last wishes when hes executed? He want to be cremated and put in an etch-a-sketch so the kiddies can play with him forever.


    Do they celebrate Christmas in Vietnam?

    Well, they're hanging up Glitter this year.


    five tampons are walking down the street...which one talks to you?

    none. they're all stuck up c*nts.


    How do you make your girlfriend cry during sex?

    Phone her up and tell her.


    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/beerchug.gif
    #1
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  3. neversaydie
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    neversaydie Post Whore

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    [Dec 8, 2005]
    two terrorist women in long arabic dress, one turns to the other "does my bomb look big in this?"
    #2
  4. god_thats_quick
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    god_thats_quick Numptie of the highest order

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    [Dec 8, 2005]
    class as usual... LOL
    #3
  5. bainsyboy
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    bainsyboy Guest

    [Dec 8, 2005]
    1000 albanians and eastern europeans were asked if Britain should change its currency, 99% said no they were happy with the giro.
    #4
  6. neversaydie
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    neversaydie Post Whore

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    [Dec 8, 2005]
    [​IMG]
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  7. TDI-line
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    TDI-line Uber Post Whore

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    [Dec 9, 2005]
    Keep em coming NSD. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif
    #6
  8. sevosa
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    sevosa New Member

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    [Dec 9, 2005]
    Two oranges in a pub. One said to the other, 'Your round.'
    #7
  9. neversaydie
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    neversaydie Post Whore

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    [Dec 9, 2005]
    A polar bear decides to go to the beach as it is a nice sunny day,
    after driving for a few hours he almost arrives at his destination
    then he notices that the oil pressure on his car has started to drop,
    luckily he noticed he had just driven past a garage so he turns
    the car round and pulls in, he tells the mechanic the problem, the
    mechanic tells the polar bear to go off for an hour or so and then come
    back as he should then know what the problem is. So the polar bear
    decides to go for a walk down the beach, an hour later the polar bear
    returns to the garage and find the guy looking at his car, the mechanic
    says "Looks like you've blown a seal" to which the polar bear says
    "No I've just eaten an Ice cream".


    A teacher at school is trying to emphasise to her pupils the point of having a good breakfast, and how it makes you cleverer than those who don't eat it. To make a point, she asks John, the cleverest boy in the class what he had for breakfast: "Muesli and a slice of wholemeal toast with jam miss" and she asks him how many states there are in America "50 miss".

    She then asks Jenny, the cleverest girl in the class what she had for breakfast: "A big bowl of frosties and a big glass of orange juice miss" and she asks her what the longest river in the world is "the Nile miss"

    She then turns around and asks Billy, the stupidest kid in the class what he ate: "I had a stale crust for breakfast miss". The class giggled, the teacher tutted and told him he should have something more substantial. "Okay Billy, can you tell me where the Indian border is?"

    "Oh that's easy!" Exclaimed Billy "He's in bed with me mam. That's why I only had a stale crust for my breakfast!"


    Why shouldn't you wear Russian boxer shorts?

    'Cos Chernobyl fall out


    Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
    A: Wiped his arse!


    There was a young fellow called Cyril
    Who was raped in the arse by a squirrel
    He liked it so good
    That he stayed in the wood
    For as long as the squirrel stayed virile


    There was a young man from Bombay
    Who fashioned a c*nt out of clay
    The heat of his prick
    Turned the clay into brick
    And ripped all his foreskin away


    two condoms walking down the street when they happen upon a gay bar. One says to the other, Come on, lets go in here and get sh!t-faced!


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  10. neversaydie
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    neversaydie Post Whore

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    [Dec 9, 2005]
    A vampire walked into a bar and asked the barman for a mug of hot water. The barman looked somewhat bemused and said 'Don't you normally go for blood?'. The vampire quickly whipped out a used tampon and said 'Nah, I'm just making a brew'.
    #9
  11. pwnorman
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    [Dec 9, 2005]
    Bin Laden was found in wales shagging sheep, he was'nt arrested becausebhe said they were islambs.
    #10
  12. bainsyboy
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    bainsyboy Guest

    [Dec 9, 2005]
    Bert how did they know they were his lambs?
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  13. TDI-line
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    TDI-line Uber Post Whore

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    [Dec 10, 2005]
    Good question BB. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif
    #12
  14. DaveACQ20v
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    DaveACQ20v Member

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    [Dec 10, 2005]
    Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other "can you smell carrotts"?
    #13
  15. pwnorman
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    [Dec 11, 2005]
    [ QUOTE ]
    Bert how did they know they were his lambs?

    [/ QUOTE ]They were marked with tail banners.
    #14

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