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The most stupid things you've heard?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Ads, Apr 28, 2012.

  1. Ads
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    Ads License to drive

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    [Apr 28, 2012]
    My girlfriend says plenty of stupid things, ranging from insisting that Quattro means a car has "four engines, not four wheel drive"... to... claiming that the person selling a used car we were viewing was lying about it having a new clutch because, in her actual words "I looked at that pedal and it looked old". :sadlike:


    Anyway, she's just come out with another piece of stupid gold.

    She was on the laptop and clicked on to the website I was looking at beforehand. Then she said to me "Liverpool are rubbish".

    Now being a Liverpool fan I quickly reacted, asking "Why is that then?".

    She said "They are bottom of the table".

    So I took the laptop from her to have a look at this league table she was obviously misreading, and this is what she was looking at.......................





    **Scroll down and brace yourself**












































    [​IMG]



    :faint: :faint: :faint: :faint: :faint: :faint: :faint: :faint:


    Over to you lot......
    #1
  2. Ads

    Ads

    [Sep 16, 2014]

  3. StateOfPlay
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    StateOfPlay Well-Known Member

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    [Apr 28, 2012]
    One girlfriend I had was trying to find solutions for storage in my one bedroom first floor flat, and said we should use the under stairs cupboard.

    When I stopped laughing with her, she then said about the loft. Don't think the guy upstairs would be too happy.
    #2
  4. jojo
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    jojo S3 Drift King! Staff Member Moderator

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  5. voorhees
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    voorhees Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    [Apr 28, 2012]
    Does anyone remember the guinness advert with the snails racing ?
    I told a female work colleague that these were South American snails thats why they go so fast :)

    I was in the canteen a week later and her friend come up and started saying 'Emily told me about them South American snails on the advert ( at this moment I thought I am going to be found out ) But she said I wondered why they were so fast'
    #4
  6. voorhees
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    voorhees Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    [Apr 28, 2012]
    PS
    She probably still thinks about these South American snails as I never put her right
    #5
  7. crazy88
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    crazy88 Loving the anonymity

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    [Apr 28, 2012]
    #6
  8. willowsdad
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    willowsdad Sideways

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    [Apr 29, 2012]
    She just proves all the blonde stereo types right! What a numpty. I find that my girlfriend has no common sense. She went to grammar so she's mildly intelligent, but sometimes she's just thick!
    #7
  9. Sandra
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    Sandra MODERATOR Staff Member Moderator

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    [Apr 29, 2012]
    Glad im not blonde. :)
    #8
  10. jdp1962
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    jdp1962 Grumpy Old Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    [Apr 29, 2012]
    My wife told me recently that she'd "been into retro ever since it first came out".
    #9
  11. quattrojames
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    quattrojames Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    [Apr 29, 2012]
    #10
  12. Reload
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    Reload Bird is the Word!

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    [Apr 29, 2012]
    My ex once told me not to indicate at roundabouts because, direct quote, it would 'wear out the indicator bulbs'. :eek:

    What I should be saving them for I have no idea!
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  13. Ads
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    Ads License to drive

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    [Apr 29, 2012]
    Beauty without brains FTW ;)
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  14. gary3306
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    gary3306 Member VCDS Map User

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    [Apr 29, 2012]
    My wife once asked me if I fancied one of those 'ALL EXCLUSIVE' holidays. You pay hundreds and get nowt I presume?
    #13
  15. crazy88
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    crazy88 Loving the anonymity

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    [Apr 29, 2012]
    Oh for sure! Still worth posting though as she is rather dense but not bad to look at :)

    My friends wife is american and was inviting some fellow Americans over for dinner. I was part of the conversation when she asked them, I'll try quote it as best I can:

    "do you have any strange eating habits, you know vegetarian etc?"

    "no, we eat everything pretty much, not fussy."

    "ok cool, well what's your favourite food? I usually like to make American foods, like lasagne, pizza or Mexican"

    I had to walk away at that point.
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  16. Ads
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    Ads License to drive

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    [Apr 29, 2012]
    This wasn't something someone said, but it was VERY stupid...

    A colleague at work was trying to fax some documents to a client and was getting majorly stressed because he couldn't get the machine to work. After about 2 minutes of listening to him bashing the buttons on it I went across to ask what the matter was.
    He explained that he's getting p*ssed off because he needs to "fax these urgent documents and this bloody fax machine ain't working".
    I looked at the machine, then looked at him and said "you should try using the fax machine to send them instead of the photocopier". :laugh:


    This same guy said something pretty stupid this week too. We had the TV on at work and was watching Sky News reporting live on the office worker who had a nervous breakdown and was throwing computers etc out of an office window in London.
    It got to a part of the report where there were innocent people leaving the building who were being stopped by the police and were standing there with their hands up. The reporter was doing a voice over at the same time and it went on for a few minutes.
    This same colleague piped up and said "those guys have been standing there for ages with their hands up, don't their arms ache?? Everyone is just standing there staring at them. I'd have put my arms down ages ago!".
    He then started to go into one about the police mistreating these innocent people etc etc, until one of my other colleagues pointed out........ "that's just a freeze frame of the scene".
    :undwech:
    #15
  17. gary3306
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    gary3306 Member VCDS Map User

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    [Apr 29, 2012]
    This isn't a personal experience and its quite an old one now, but it is brilliantly funny. Apparently the help desk guy got sacked

    Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:
    Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
    Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
    CS: "What sort of trouble?"
    C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
    CS: "Went away?"
    C: "They disappeared."
    CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
    C: "Nothing."
    CS: "Nothing?"
    C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
    CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
    C: "How do I tell?"
    CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
    C: "What's a sea-prompt?"
    CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
    C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
    CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
    C: "What's a monitor?"
    CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
    C: "I don't know."
    CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
    C: "Yes, I think so."
    CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
    C: ".......Yes, it is."
    CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
    C: "No."
    CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
    C: ".......Okay, here it is."
    CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
    "I can't reach."
    CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
    C: "No."
    CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
    C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
    CS: "Dark?"
    C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
    CS: "Well, turn on the office light then."
    C: "I can't."
    CS: "No? Why not?"
    C: "Because there's a power outage."
    CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
    C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
    CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
    C: "Really? Is it that bad?"
    CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
    C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
    CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
    #16
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  18. voorhees
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    voorhees Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    [Apr 29, 2012]
    A mate said about the carbon footprint of a 4x4 being the same as some family saloon ( can't remember which one) on a programme he had seen,he said to me surely the 4x4 is bigger as they are wider/longer than the saloon so wouldn't fit in the Footprint
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  19. fingermouse
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    fingermouse thats me

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    [Apr 30, 2012]
    we have machines that wrap pallets at work, one guy suggested putting a turbine on the top of them as they are always spinning round and we could generate a lot of power from them ...........................................
    #18
  20. Sevv
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    Sevv Pushing the limits..

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    [Apr 30, 2012]
    #19
  21. vrbob
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    vrbob Thats no Moon, Thats a space station!

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    [Apr 30, 2012]
    Not sure if it an urban legend but in regards to fax machines and stupidity.

    I heard the story of the new girl in the office being asked to send a fax by her new boss. After an hour and she had not returned he went looking for her and found her by the fax machine still sending the same 1 page fax. So he ask her why she is still sending the fax and she says to him well the piece of paper keeps coming back out of the machine and wont go. It turned out she thought that the actual peice of paper was sent down the phoneline to the other person. So she must of sent the same page 50 odd times.
    #20
  22. voorhees
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    voorhees Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    [Apr 30, 2012]
    Revo remap is too aggressive.

    Like it snarls at little kids does it lol
    #21
  23. johnnythepie
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    johnnythepie Active Member

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    [Apr 30, 2012]
    #22
  24. johnnythepie
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    johnnythepie Active Member

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    [Apr 30, 2012]
    Absolute classic.I take it shes easily conned then????!!!!
    #23
  25. Ads
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    Ads License to drive

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    [Apr 30, 2012]
    Yep. Whenever she's having a shower I walk into the bathroom and tell her she's dropped the soap. Works every time.
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  26. johnnythepie
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    johnnythepie Active Member

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    [Apr 30, 2012]
    when my wife does that her clam sticks to the wall like a limpet.Can only be released bt tongue so she thinks.She has a sore throat at the moment.you can guess what the medicine is..........
    #25
  27. Ads
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    Ads License to drive

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  28. superkarl
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    superkarl MAN OF STEEL

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    [Apr 30, 2012]
    legend
    #27
  29. bfienb123
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    bfienb123 New Member

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    [May 7, 2012]
    :icon_thumright: funny!


    ______________________________
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    ediabas obd2 cable
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