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Teachers and Cops

Discussion in 'Jokes, Games & Humour' started by L1 HCS, Jan 6, 2011.

  1. L1 HCS
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    L1 HCS Active Member

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    [Jan 6, 2011]
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    [FONT=&quot]These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded lol[/FONT]
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    1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.[/FONT]
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    2. I would not allow this student to breed.[/FONT]
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    3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.[/FONT]
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    4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. [/FONT]
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    5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.[/FONT]
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    6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.[/FONT]
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    7. This child has been working with glue too much.[/FONT]
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    8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.[/FONT]
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    9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..[/FONT]
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    10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.[/FONT]
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    11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.[/FONT]
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    12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.[/FONT]
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    These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:[/FONT]
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    1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."[/FONT]
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    2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."[/FONT]
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    3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."[/FONT]
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    4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."[/FONT]
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    5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."[/FONT]
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    6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"[/FONT]
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    7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"[/FONT]
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    8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."[/FONT]
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    9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"[/FONT]
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    10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."[/FONT]
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    11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."[/FONT]
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    12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]( National Crime Information Center )[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
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    13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"[/FONT]
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    14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."[/FONT]
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    15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."[/FONT]
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    AND THE WINNER IS....[/FONT]
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    16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here."[/FONT]
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    #1
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  3. Yappy
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    Yappy A4 b6 TDI V6 Quattro Sport

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    [Jan 7, 2011]
    Funny **** man hahaha
    #2

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