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Discussion in 'Jokes, Games & Humour' started by L1 HCS, Jan 19, 2011.

  1. L1 HCS
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    L1 HCS Active Member

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    Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite – All he wanted to do
    was eat, drink and be Mary.

    Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for
    some hot action! So I sent her my ironing. That’ll keep the lazy ******
    busy.

    After a night of drink and wild sex Bill woke up to find himself next to a
    really ugly woman. That’s when he realized he had made it home safely.

    My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to Hoover
    the house. Turns out she was a Slovak

    Came home today to find all my doors and windows smashed in and everything
    gone. What sort of sick person does that to someone’s Advent calendar…

    I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be
    honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

    After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women
    happy. Nothing.

    A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a
    part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for
    25 years. The dad says, “Never mind son, maybe next year you’ll get a
    speaking part.”

    Just had my water bill of £100 drop on my mat. That’s a lot. Oxfam can
    supply a whole African village for just £2 a month. Time to change
    supplier I think.

    2 women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white
    they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes…. I
    think they were Hovis Witnesses.
    #1
  2. DaveA3
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    DaveA3 Audi A-Trizzle!

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    haha nice one. some good one liners there. will remember some for the pub i think
    #2

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