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Pilots, Planes and their Mechanics... (Humour)

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by hop2407, Mar 8, 2006.

  1. hop2407
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    hop2407 Active Member

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    [Mar 8, 2006]
    Still makes me chuckle the second time round (true or not - they're still funny)

    It takes a degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one: reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.

    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a (P); and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

    1. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


    2. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


    3. P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    4. P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    5. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
    descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    6. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    7. P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    8. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're for.

    9. P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    10. P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    11. P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    12. P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    13. P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    14. P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    15. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel . Sounds like a midget
    pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget
    #1
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  3. S3Steve
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    S3Steve Active Member

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    [Mar 8, 2006]
    Hahahahaha /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
    #2
  4. Mart
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    Mart Active Member

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    [Mar 8, 2006]
    That's is great! That's had me laughing in the office with everyone for the last couple of mins! Thanks
    #3
  5. jdp1962
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    jdp1962 Grumpy Old Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    [Mar 8, 2006]
    [ QUOTE ]
    Still makes me chuckle the second time round (true or not - they're still funny)

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Me too, mate! Me too!! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif
    #4
  6. marriedblonde
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    marriedblonde Moderator

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    [Mar 8, 2006]
    [ QUOTE ]
    [ QUOTE ]
    Still makes me chuckle the second time round (true or not - they're still funny)

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Me too, mate! Me too!! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Me to, me too!!!!
    #5
  7. fallmonk
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    fallmonk Turbo Sport

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    [Mar 8, 2006]
    yip old one but as they say the old ones are the best !
    #6

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