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One for the boys: urinal etiquette

Discussion in 'Rants & Raves' started by batwad, Jan 23, 2007.

  1. batwad
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    batwad Member

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    When you go to the gents and there's only three urinals, all of which are free, don't go to the middle one. Go to either of the end ones so that when I come in after you I don't have to stand next to you and be subjected to your splashback :angrymod:
    #1
  2. silver75
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    silver75 Big Ron

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    good one... spotted this at my local shopping centre :cool:

    [​IMG]

    literally seconds of fun!
    #2
  3. Rich
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    Rich Rollin on boost mother hubbards

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    Nice. At a gig last month there was 2 guys sharing a urinal next to me while drunk. Luckily it was just as I was leaving, was disgusting and I contemplated ending them both.
    #3
  4. Geordie Mike
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    Geordie Mike Yeee-haw

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    They were probably thinking about "ending" each other...
    #4
  5. Rev-head
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    Rev-head Active Member

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    LOL or you Rich ???
    #5
  6. 28v6
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    28v6 Guest

    I don't have that problem...

    What "Pisses" Me off is the tip of me tool keeps gettin' wet... Damn Urinals!!

    Then there's the Twat thats having a conversation wif his mate, his mate walks away to wash, and he turns to follow....Still peeing Arrrrggggghhh!

    Then there's the "******"... you know the one, we've all seen him... leaning on his forearm moaning into the urinal but doesn't realise all he's doing is a pee NOT shootin the bullets.. "Ohhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" You know the type usually found in Cinema toilets.
    #6
  7. silver75
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    silver75 Big Ron

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    funny ****:)
    #7
  8. AudiSpeed28
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    AudiSpeed28 AudiSpeed

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    Dude, that's a man-law... any violators are subject to such punishments...

    Being labeled as
    1) Man-Bitch
    2) Meat Gazer
    3) Complete ****.

    Also, death is a fair option.
    #8
  9. ChriS3
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    ChriS3 hud at ye bam

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    Only three things to remember at the urinals:

    1, Every man needs his space. Personal splashback is bad, secondary is justification for homicide.

    2, Eyes front. Who are you, George Michael?

    3, No talking, I'll listen in 30 seconds.
    #9
  10. Freethy
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    Freethy New Member

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    Absolutely 100% essential that all toilets should have some sort of reading material at head height!
    #10
  11. AudiSpeed28
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    AudiSpeed28 AudiSpeed

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    :iagree:
    #11
  12. Caesium
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    Caesium My BM is fixed!

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    #12
  13. FactionOne
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    FactionOne Administrator Staff Member Administrator

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    Thank god some more people who know the rules. If you're ever trying for a job at our place I'll put a word in...

    There's one cubicle downstairs that's not really a nice place to go so the larger loos upstairs get the most use. I'd say out of all the other blokes that've been in there at the same time as me only 5% know the rules, 75% have absolutely no concept of them and the rest are too far the other way and run off to a cubicle for a pee. The chatters are the worst offenders; I'm not sure how it is they feel comfortable performing both tasks at the same time. As said above, wait 30 seconds and I've got all the time in the world for you!!!

    Regards.

    Rob.
    #13
  14. OutLore
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    OutLore VOIP Dude

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    30 Seconds? Dude, you need to drink more...
    #14
  15. AndyMac
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    AndyMac Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    Ever used a busy urinal whilst wearing shorts? Not recommended.
    What about the guy in the corner urinal? He's always there, at 45 degrees to the wall. No one's getting to see his pride & joy.
    The most awkward situation is running into your boss or someone senior whilst on the way for your dump of the century, only to discover he's on the same mission. When is it OK to stop making small talk with him?
    #15
  16. Ess_Three
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    Ess_Three Active Member

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    Or maybe he has a much larger bore 'appendage' with which to urinate? :moa:
    #16
  17. silver75
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    silver75 Big Ron

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    the answers are all here Andy

    http://www.audi-sport.net/vb/showthread.php?t=29432
    #17
  18. L1 HCS
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    L1 HCS Active Member

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    if you hit that target does it pee back at you?
    #18
  19. dgannon69
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    dgannon69 Member

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    the worst thing is when your trying to pee and u are stuck in the middle of the 3 because the other urinals and cubicals are taken and then u can't Pee for what ever reason it is!!!

    Has anyone felt that stupid that they couldnt pee that they just zipped up and walked out?

    OR IS IT JUST ME?:(
    #19
  20. jdp1962
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    jdp1962 Grumpy Old Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    I'm happy if there is a wall I can lean forward & rest my head on. I first discovered this by necessity when pissed, nearly 30 years ago. Then, over time, I discovered that this method had certain benefits whether pissed or sober, in that it changes the angle & reduces splashback.

    30 years on & I now do this as a matter of routine. The thud as my head hits the wall invariably takes any bystanders by surprise.
    #20
  21. jdp1962
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    jdp1962 Grumpy Old Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    Yes I have. No it is not just you. But that was then, this is now.
    #21
  22. batwad
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    batwad Member

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    There used to be a pub in Luton that had padded cushions fixed to the wall above the urinals exactly for this reason. That was a serious drinker's pub, that was :beerchug:
    #22
  23. Biglockie
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    Biglockie Aye you know it makes sense

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    As soon as yer arse hits the seat all form of communication stop this is your space and time, and if your prepared you will have brought some reading material with you!! LOL

    And when finished the situation is never discussed.
    #23
  24. smitch
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    smitch Active Member

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    Who's the noncey fella that always queues for the cubicle even when there's free urinals????

    What's that all about???

    But there's always one.

    Who cares if they've got a small cock......
    #24
  25. Biglockie
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    Biglockie Aye you know it makes sense

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    :lmfao:
    #25
  26. dgannon69
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    dgannon69 Member

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    its me coming back for my second attempt!!
    #26
  27. Caesium
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    Caesium My BM is fixed!

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    Maybe he just needs a ****..?
    #27
  28. smitch
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    smitch Active Member

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    You know the one, they leave the door wide open.

    Obviously have issues.
    #28
  29. Ess_Three
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    Ess_Three Active Member

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    The urinal 'trough' in Paramount bar, in Aberdeen, used to have half a dozen or so TVs mounted behind glass...showing Glasgow Rangers playing footy...
    You ambled in, unholstered the beast, and pissed on Barry Ferguson and his merry men.
    Very satisfying...
    #29
  30. batwad
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    batwad Member

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    The urinal "trough" in a pub I was in tonight was full. Literally, to the brim. Any more in it and it would have overflowed :( There were a couple of pint glasses in there, full :puke:
    #30
  31. Peloton
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    Peloton Member

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    I've seen a few pubs where there's the trough under the actual bar (Horseshoe in Glasgow one of them). Back in the black n white days when you needed a piss you just whupped it out and carried on regardless without losing your space at the bar! Now THAT's a drinkers pub! :respekt:
    #31
  32. TDI-line
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    TDI-line Uber Post Whore

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    Eyes forward, eyes forward.
    #32
  33. Lowlife
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    Lowlife German Hardcore

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    Worst are the ones where you need flippers and a snorkel to make it to the urinals like some of the pubs round here!...
    #33

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