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Man Rules

Discussion in 'Jokes, Games & Humour' started by SnoopS3, Mar 9, 2009.

  1. SnoopS3
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    SnoopS3 You cant beat German

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    [Mar 9, 2009]
    1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
    (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
    (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
    (d) When she is using her teeth.


    3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and
    eaten by his friends.

    4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
    limits forever unless you actually marry her.

    5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.
    However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
    man.
    In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At
    that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's
    choice.

    7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
    weakest.

    8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may
    ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
    playing.

    9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
    climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
    flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's
    officially your girlfriend.

    10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
    sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model
    and only when it's free.

    11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
    kick another guy in the nuts.

    12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

    15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies
    until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
    much as the other sports watchers.

    16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
    remain sober enough to fight.

    17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
    pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

    18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
    about his choice of beer.

    19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
    except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

    20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing
    i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
    situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
    need.

    21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
    than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
    Hang up if necessary.

    22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend'
    have
    carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and
    guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
    discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

    23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
    her to drive yours.

    24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green,
    orange or sky blue.

    25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for
    Christmas?'
    with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 End of
    story.

    26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
    Gymnastics.
    Ever.

    27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
    know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
    definition of each is listed below:

    * 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
    assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are
    you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'

    * 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling
    of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square
    on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'
    #1
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  3. lil_coz
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    lil_coz Active Member

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    [Mar 9, 2009]
    LOL! I like that! :lmfao:
    #2

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