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London Olympics

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by wibble111, Jun 23, 2011.

  1. wibble111
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    wibble111 needs to scratch the itch

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    Well it seems im not lucky enough to get any tickets for any events, kinda sad but hey-ho, I'm certainly not coughing up a small fortune to go and see something plus I'll get a better view in front of the tv anyway.

    Maybe wont be that good anyway after reading this,

    London Olympics 2012

    London (Stratford) will be hosting the Olympic Games in 2012.

    You may not know is that many of the famous events, which go to make up this spectacular event, are to be especially altered for 2012. A copy of these changes has been leaked, and is reproduced below:

    OPENING CEREMONY

    The flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of the area in the traditional dress of balaclava and shell suit. The flame will be contained in a large overturned police van situated on the roof of the stadium.

    THE EVENTS

    In previous Olympic Games, East London's competitors have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes.

    100 METRES SPRINT

    Competitors will have to hold a DVD player and microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.

    110 METRES HURDLES

    As above but with added obstacles (i.e. car bonnets, hedges, garden fences, walls etc)

    HAMMER

    Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most physical damage within three attempts.

    FENCING

    Entrants will be asked to dispose of as many stolen goods as possible in 5 minutes.

    SHOOTING

    A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Securicor-style wages deliveryman. The traditional .22 rifle has been replaced in this event by a choice of either a Browning automatic handgun or sawn-off 12-bore shotgun.

    BOXING

    Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence.

    CYCLING TIME TRIALS

    Competitors will be asked to break into the University bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy on his first trip away from home. All against the clock.

    CYCLING PURSUIT

    As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft.

    MODERN PENTATHLON

    Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joyriding and arson.

    SWIMMING EVENTS

    All waterways are currently being tested for toxicity levels, once one is found that can support human life, swimming events will be organised, please note that the Synchronised Swimming event for this year will comprise of dropping acid and watching all the funky ripples on the pool, the specific musical support to this event will be provided by "The Verve."

    THE MARATHON

    A safe route has yet to be decided.

    MEN'S 50KM WALK

    Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of East London, especially anyone that appears to be... mincing

    THE CLOSING CEREMONY

    Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Stratford Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronised rock throwing, and music by the Ilford community choir. The flame will be extinguished by police riot water cannon following the inevitable pitch invasion by confused West Ham organised hooliganism club. The stadium itself will then be boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler

    :lmfao:
    #1
  2. sidibear
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    sidibear Looking for Zombies !! Staff Member Moderator

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    :laugh::laugh:



    And on a more serious note, I may be there taking part. So if I do and I get any spare tickets they will be advertised on here.
    Shooting. I am currently 49th in my class and I need to get into the top 20 to stand a chance of being able to qualify.Its a slim chance but a chance none the less.
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  3. wibble111
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    wibble111 needs to scratch the itch

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    Let me know if you get any, I'll take 3 off your hands if you get some, I'd love to take the lad to see it.
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  4. badger1340
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    badger1340 Come on you Spurs

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    Good luck with the shooting as you say your in with a chance
    I managed to get a morning swimming session via the first application and the cheap £20 tickets so really pleased and I didn't get mountain biking at hadleigh (I can see the course from my bedroom window) but as that was all I applied for i'm happy
    I'm sure tickets will crop up around nearer the time they always seem to for big events
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  5. sidibear
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    sidibear Looking for Zombies !! Staff Member Moderator

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    Wibble, if I get any , they are yours.
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