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Jokes...

Discussion in 'Jokes, Games & Humour' started by Ads, Nov 7, 2011.

  1. Ads
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    Ads License to drive

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    I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.


    My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.


    I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid, then I was petrified.


    The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.


    A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.


    I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin. 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!


    My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.


    Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.


    I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.


    I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.


    I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'


    ...and Bully's special prize.......

    Went around to a friend's house today. His wife was there with their new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.
    #1
  2. ScottD3
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    ScottD3 I want your faulty electronics

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    very good. :)
    #2
  3. quattrojames
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    quattrojames Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    REPOST :haudrauf:

    #3
  4. Ads
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    Ads License to drive

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    :lmfao:

    Sh*t!! I meant to delete that!
    #4
  5. voorhees
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    voorhees Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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  6. ScottD3
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    ScottD3 I want your faulty electronics

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    Granddad:=- Its going to be cold this weekend.
    Grandson:=- Tell me something I don't know.
    Granddad:=- Your gran can take a hole fist up her ass.
    #6
    coxy16 likes this.
  7. monkey_lewis
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    monkey_lewis Reverse Gear

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    So crude yet so funny!!!
    #7
  8. Turkster
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    Turkster Bro.Paul 2.5TDI Quattro Sport

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    [h=6]As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Wardens funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!" The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too ****ing late pal, the paperworks already done"[/h]
    #8
  9. 3DTDi
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    3DTDi Member

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    Lol good one!
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  10. gary3306
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    gary3306 Member

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    Good old Sickepedia ;)
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  11. Nagasaki
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    Nagasaki New Member

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    What do you do if a bird sh*ts on your windscreen?


    Don't take her out again!
    #11
  12. Danny Cawsey
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    Danny Cawsey Cawsey

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    pretty funny
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  13. gary3306
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    gary3306 Member

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    My missus caught me putting a tiny blond wig and a guitar on a wasp today

    She said, "Don't do that, you'll make it sting"
    #13
  14. AudiB7Jay
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    AudiB7Jay Member

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    What's the difference between a pimp and a pirate? Nothing... They both go "YO HO" and walk with a limp! :)
    #14
  15. lgooch
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    lgooch Active Member

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    Some gud uns ere. More please
    #15
  16. Keene07
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    Keene07 New Member

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    hahah awesome jokes , I like them, now what about these??????????


    1.
    Statistics show that 1% of women in the world,
    are on medication for mental illness
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    So beware!

    99% are running around
    without proper medication!!

    2.


    Teacher : If you have 10 chocolate cakes
    and
    someone asks for 2,
    How many do u have left?

    Little Johnny: 10

    Teacher: Ok, Well what if somebody forcibly takes 2 of the cakes,
    how many would u have left then ?

    Little Johnny : 10 and a dead body.
    #16

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