Jokes...

[Ads]

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.


My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.


I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid, then I was petrified.


The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.


A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.


I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin. 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!


My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.


Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.


I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.


I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.


I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'


...and Bully's special prize.......

Went around to a friend's house today. His wife was there with their new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.

 

[ScottD3]

very good.

 

[quattrojames]

REPOST

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.

 

[Ads]

REPOST

Sh*t!! I meant to delete that!

 

[voorhees]

 

[ScottD3]

Granddad:=- Its going to be cold this weekend.
Grandson:=- Tell me something I don't know.
Granddad:=- Your gran can take a hole fist up her ***.

 

[monkey_lewis]

Granddad:=- Its going to be cold this weekend.
Grandson:=- Tell me something I don't know.
Granddad:=- Your gran can take a hole fist up her ***.

So crude yet so funny!!!

 

[Turkster]

[h=6]As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Wardens funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!" The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too ****ing late pal, the paperworks already done"[/h]

 

[3DTDi]

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Wardens funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!" The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too ****ing late pal, the paperworks already done"

Lol good one!

 

[gary3306]

Good old Sickepedia

 

[Nagasaki]

What do you do if a bird sh*ts on your windscreen?


Don't take her out again!

 

[Danny Cawsey]

pretty funny

 

[gary3306]

My missus caught me putting a tiny blond wig and a guitar on a wasp today

She said, "Don't do that, you'll make it sting"

 

[OCDetails]

What's the difference between a pimp and a pirate? Nothing... They both go "YO HO" and walk with a limp!

 

[lgooch]

Some gud uns ere. More please

 

[Keene07]

hahah awesome jokes , I like them, now what about these??????????


1.Statistics show that 1% of women in the world,
are on medication for mental illness
.
.
.
.
.
So beware!

99% are running around
without proper medication!!

2.


Teacher : If you have 10 chocolate cakes
and
someone asks for 2,
How many do u have left?

Little Johnny: 10

Teacher: Ok, Well what if somebody forcibly takes 2 of the cakes,
how many would u have left then ?

Little Johnny : 10 and a dead body.