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jokes(loosley) sorry if posted before

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by fallmonk, Dec 19, 2005.

  1. fallmonk

    fallmonk Turbo Sport

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    A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

    "Nice bike," the cop said. "Did Santa bring it to you?"

    "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"

    The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a £5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."

    The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you've got there sir. Did Santa bring it to you?"

    "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

    The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the **** goes underneath, not on top."


    Eight Words with two Meanings


    1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
    Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
    Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

    2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
    Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
    Male.... Playing cricket without a box.

    3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
    Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
    Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the
    boys.

    4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
    Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
    Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

    5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
    Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
    Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

    6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
    Female.... An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
    Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

    7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
    Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
    Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

    8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
    Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
    Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.


    And for the ladies



    He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to
    put in
    it.
    She said . . . You wear pants don't you?


    He said . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
    She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I
    sit
    on the sofa and fart!

    He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I
    gave
    you?
    She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

    He said . . ..... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
    She said . . .. I would but you're never there.

    He said . ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
    She said . . They don't have time

    He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
    She said . . We don't know; it has never happened.

    He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring
    and
    Good- looking?
    She said ...... . . They already have boyfriends.

    She said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is
    every
    night?
    He said . . . A widow.

    He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
    She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go
    to
    bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
     
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  3. bainsyboy

    bainsyboy Guest

    my eyes have gone buckled reading that, one is looking at the screen and the other eye is trying to find it, why so long?
     
  4. TDI-line

    TDI-line Uber Post Whore
    Team Floret Silver quattro Audi A3 Black Edition TDi

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    Blimey FM, you could of easily created 3 new posts. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif
     
  5. CJ A4

    CJ A4 Active Member

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    Very good mate!! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif
     
  6. 28v6

    28v6 Guest

    Guys...Guys...Guys..... Thats not fair on Ol' Fall..He has a lot of time on his hands as a truck driver, so hes had plenty of time in traffic to think about them /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/goofy.gif....Its not the longest we've seen I'm sure...never mind, save it for during the queens speech, that'll pass the time then... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif
     
  7. fallmonk

    fallmonk Turbo Sport

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    [ QUOTE ]
    Guys...Guys...Guys..... Thats not fair on Ol' Fall..He has a lot of time on his hands as a truck driver, so hes had plenty of time in traffic to think about them /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/goofy.gif....Its not the longest we've seen I'm sure...never mind, save it for during the queens speech, that'll pass the time then... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]

    I bloody wish mate its mad the now with all the booze/drink going out the now!
     
  8. 28v6

    28v6 Guest

    Gie you a hint mate... pull over, climb in the back and get rat arsed....just an idea.. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/beerchug.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/devil.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
     

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