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Jimmy Carr One Liners

Discussion in 'Jokes, Games & Humour' started by Neilybabs, Sep 11, 2009.

  1. Neilybabs

    Neilybabs New Member

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    The first one tickled me somewhat...

    I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.

    I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective.
    How cool is that at her age?!

    I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop w#nking. When I asked why? she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"

    I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?

    When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids. Took her out with one punch.

    Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

    I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?
     
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  3. voorhees

    voorhees Moderator
    Staff Member Moderator Black Edition Team Brill Red

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  4. Nilz

    Nilz Defo worth the wait :)
    Team Silver Audi S3

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    Neilynabs - please refer to your avatar :)
     
  5. Broken Byzan

    Broken Byzan Photographic Moderator
    Staff Member Moderator VCDS Map User quattro Audi A4

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    He is a funny guy in his own dry way. I watched something with him saying he deliberatly does it so he can get the punchline out in the shortest possible sentence. Once you realise thats his way, it makes more sense why he is how he is....
     
  6. 1wheelonly

    1wheelonly cabriolet
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    top comic, very quick, very witty, been to see him twice now and im going again in november to see his new tour, i would highly recommend going to see him.
     
  7. Neilybabs

    Neilybabs New Member

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    haha classic ;)

    It took me a little while to get him but I think he's spot on now.
     
  8. Ads

    Ads License to drive

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    He's should drop that stupid laugh he puts on though!
    But agreed... funny guy.
    Liked him on Your Face or Mine.
     
  9. Buck

    Buck New Member

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    :lol:

    Very funny and quick whitted!
     

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