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Jimmy Carr One Liners

Discussion in 'Jokes, Games & Humour' started by Neilybabs, Sep 11, 2009.

  1. Neilybabs
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    Neilybabs New Member

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    [Sep 11, 2009]
    The first one tickled me somewhat...

    I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.

    I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective.
    How cool is that at her age?!

    I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop w#nking. When I asked why? she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"

    I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?

    When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids. Took her out with one punch.

    Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

    I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?
    #1
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  3. voorhees
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    voorhees Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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  4. Nilz
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    Nilz Defo worth the wait :)

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    [Sep 11, 2009]
    Neilynabs - please refer to your avatar :)
    #3
  5. Broken Byzan
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    Broken Byzan Photographic Moderator Staff Member Moderator VCDS Map User

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    [Sep 11, 2009]
    He is a funny guy in his own dry way. I watched something with him saying he deliberatly does it so he can get the punchline out in the shortest possible sentence. Once you realise thats his way, it makes more sense why he is how he is....
    #4
  6. 1wheelonly
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    1wheelonly cabriolet VCDS Map User

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    [Sep 11, 2009]
    top comic, very quick, very witty, been to see him twice now and im going again in november to see his new tour, i would highly recommend going to see him.
    #5
  7. Neilybabs
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    Neilybabs New Member

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    [Sep 11, 2009]
    haha classic ;)

    It took me a little while to get him but I think he's spot on now.
    #6
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    Ads License to drive

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    [Sep 11, 2009]
    He's should drop that stupid laugh he puts on though!
    But agreed... funny guy.
    Liked him on Your Face or Mine.
    #7
  9. Buck
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    Buck New Member

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    [Sep 13, 2009]
    :lol:

    Very funny and quick whitted!
    #8

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