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It's Friday joke time again...

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by bravepilot, Jan 28, 2005.

  1. bravepilot
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    bravepilot Member

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    [Jan 28, 2005]
    Tony Blair is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of
    patients who have no obvious signs of injury or illness. He greets the
    first patient and the patient replies:

    "Fair fa your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain o' the puddin race,
    Aboon them a you take your place, Painch, tripe or thairm, As langs my
    airm."

    Tony is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient and
    greets him. The patient responds:

    "Some hae meat and canna eat, And some wad eat that want it, But we hae
    meat and we can eat, So let the Lord be thankit."

    Even more confused, but trying not to show it, Tony moves on to the next
    patient, who immediately begins to chant:

    "We sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty, Thou needna start awa sae hastie, Wi
    bickering brattle."

    Now alarmed, Tony turns to the accompanying doctor and asks "What kind of
    facility is this? Is it a mental ward?" "No", replies the doctor. "This is
    the serious Burns unit".
    #1
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  3. imported_disley
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    imported_disley Guest

    [Jan 28, 2005]
    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif
    #2
  4. bravepilot
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    bravepilot Member

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    [Jan 28, 2005]
    ...okay, so maybe only the Scots will understand this one, but they are all quotes from Robbie Burns poems... that famous Scotch poet...... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mad.gif
    #3
  5. jdp1962
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    jdp1962 Grumpy Old Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    [Jan 28, 2005]
    Nice one!

    (& yes, I am English, but I was educated in Scotland).

    Of course, you're a few days late in posting this one.
    #4
  6. TDI-line
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    TDI-line Uber Post Whore

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    [Jan 28, 2005]
    Yeah got it. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/idea.gif

    Second time round. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif
    #5
  7. chuffer
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    chuffer Member

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    [Jan 28, 2005]

    Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the
    night. Mick, the bartender, says "You'll not be drinking anymore
    tonight,
    Paddy".

    >
    >Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."
    >
    >Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his
    face. > >"Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts
    himself off. >He >takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his
    face. "Shoite,Shoite!" > >He looks to the doorway and thinks to
    himself that if he can just get to >the >door and some fresh air he'll
    be fine. He belly crawls to the door and >shimmies up to the door
    frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep >breath of fresh
    air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the >sidewalk. He
    falls flat on his face. "Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he >says. >

    >>He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and
    >>shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He

    takes a >look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way". > >He crawls
    up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the >bed."

    >> > >He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says


    "Fock
    it"
    >and falls into bed.
    >
    >
    >The next morning, his wife, Mary, comes into the room carrying a cup
    of
    >coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last
    night?". > >Paddy says, "I did Mary. I was fockin' p*ssed. But how'd
    you know?" > > > > >"Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the
    pub."
    #6
  8. imported_disley
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    imported_disley Guest

    [Jan 28, 2005]

    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif

    i got that one
    #7
  9. TDI-line
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    TDI-line Uber Post Whore

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    [Jan 28, 2005]
    Me too!

    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/goofy.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hug.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif
    #8
  10. jojo
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    jojo S3 Drift King! Staff Member Moderator

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    [Jan 28, 2005]
    HAHA /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif
    #9

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