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I hope you find this as amusing as I did… no R8 for me I’m keeping the RS3

Discussion in 'RS3 Forum' started by MBK, Feb 15, 2013.

  1. MBK
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    MBK Well-Known Member

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    [Feb 15, 2013]
    As some of you will know I often flirt (& probably bore you) with the idea of owning an R8. I had one of those calls this week:

    “We’ve got a lovely black one owner R8 with all the right options and we’ve just reduced the price. Come and have a drive.”

    I read this as actually meaning we’ve had an R8 on the forecourt for a few weeks/months and can’t shift it, we think you might be the sucker we can off load it to and it’s only reduced because it was overpriced to begin with.

    Even though I work in the field of persuasion I’m no less susceptible to it…so I said yes to the drive.

    It’s at this point I have to tell you the history of this particular R8 was even more interesting than the drive. I’ve omitted details of the car, garage and salesperson on purpose. The R8 is of course a wonderful car to drive but those are tales for another time when I eventually own one.

    One not so careful owner…


    Whenever I look at such a new, one owner (not a demo) and low mileage car I’m always intrigued as to why it’s back with the dealer so I ask the question. So there we are sitting in the car after the test drive and I was not quite expecting this answer.

    “It’s a lovely car but why was it traded in so new and with so few miles on the clock?” I ask.

    “Ah well the previous owners wife returned the car to us.” The salesperson says with a mischievous grin.

    Being well versed in the power of silence I say nothing as an invitation to hear the rest of the story.

    The salesperson continues “It seems the previous owner was caught in a moment of [pause] romantic indiscretion in the vehicle by his less than impressed wife, who also told the story to anyone in the dealership who would listen.”

    I think my face showed a mix of humour and surprise because they quickly added…

    “Don’t worry we’ve thoroughly valeted the interior”. An immediate sensation of ooohey and yuukk washed over me, images of that top gear episode where they used the forensic team on the used cars flash through my head and I could feel the urge to exit the R8.

    Now if this was just sales patter its some of the most imaginative and funny I’ve heard but I’m inclined to think it might just be true especially having glimpsed the previous name on the log book!

    This was followed by lots of laughing at the slightly crazy story. After a more sensible chat the final numbers were good but I left wondering does the R8 really have that sort of impact and reputation. I just see a great sports car clearly there is more to it!

    Black or 50 shades of grey?

    So I return home and show the Mrs a picture of the car. I decide not to mention the cars interesting history for now. She’s not prone to swearing or outbursts but this was quite a reaction.

    “You are not f***ing buying that! That is Christian Grey’s car in 50 Shades. That’ll bring out every gold digger for miles.”

    Then sweetly she asks “How much is it?” I reply with a number double the price of our first house.

    With a cold stare and no hint of a joke she adds “Well it’ll cost you a lot more than that, think half this house, your pension and the kids as well. You can buy a white, red or silver one if you really have to but you’re not driving that. Anyway I thought you wanted a GTR next.” I assume from this comment in women's eyes the GTR is the R8's equivalent of the fat and/or ugly friend women go out with in order to look/feel better about themselves on a night out! Apologies for any offence ladies but when I see groups of girls there always seems to be one that ummm stands out like a peugeot at a porsche emporium.

    Having given up on any hope of the R8 by now I tell her the history of the car. We laugh a lot and she gets in a lot of ‘I told you so’s!’ then later in the day she mailed me this link:
    Isn't that false advertising? A third of men admit to hiring a fancy car ¿ or even a posher HOUSE - to impress on a date | Mail Online

    It couldn’t be much worse, we live just outside Swansea! I did think of using the argument that the R8 didn’t make the top 5 list (or maybe we could rent it out) but it seemed like a lost cause by this point.

    So as I told the salesperson when they called I’ve decided to keep the RS3, the Mrs is much happier with it.

    Now before I make another mistake can I just check if anyone knows of any mummy p*rn that centres on the Ariel Atom?
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  3. Kohaku
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    Kohaku Member

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    [Feb 15, 2013]
    Your a Poet & Don't Know It.
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