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I HAVE FINALLY BANNED THE WIFE FROM MY CAR......

Discussion in 'Rants & Raves' started by CHEZ, Feb 6, 2012.

  1. CHEZ
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    CHEZ moderately amusing Supporter

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    As the title suggests,
    the story is as follows!
    i purchased my car about a year ago after falling in love with it! i felt the build quality was fantastic and the car had been looked after!
    so, soon after, when collecting the wife from work etc when she was getting in and out of my car she constantly decided to slam my doors!
    i explained " this is an audi dear, and the doors do not have to be slammed" as they basically close themselves!
    to which she replied " sorry, i didn"t realise i was slamming the doors dear!"
    this theme continued for about 5 or 6 times and was slowly driving me up the wall with her ignorance/forgetfullness!
    so the next time she did it, i warned her in a serious frowny face, that she has 3 more door slamming incidents and then she is banned from my car!
    feeling that i had proved to her the magnitude of my problem verbally, i thought the issue had been put to bed!
    but no...............................................
    over the following months she did get better at learning the nack of closing my doors rather than slamming them like an old transit van, but sadly there was still the stray incident when she would really "pull it off the hinges!"
    she shortly recieved strike 1, first warning if you will!
    this quickly esculated to strike 2 when she was rushing, and there were numerous incidents i turned a blind eye (or ear) as i feel these were accidental or i was in a good mood!
    soon, these warnings finally reached strike 3! transport critical mode! aka get the bus syndrome!
    so for the last few months, the mrs has been on her last final warning!, and i felt that finally she had become to appreciate the audi and that my car really did matter!
    then today, all of this got blown out of the water! quite literally the sh!t hit the fan!
    on collecting the wife from work, everything went smoothly and on plan,
    on collecting our daughter from her grans, everything appeared to be on course for an average daily commute!,
    but,
    when driving off, i turned on the climate control and adsjusted the temp to 24*, and set off,
    soon after, aprox 1 minute after, i noticed a nasty wiff in the cabin!
    i turned to my wife and asked " can you smell anything dear?"
    she replied " yes darling, i can smell poo"
    my stomach churned!
    i found a safe place to pull over and have footwear check!
    baby, all clear! me, nope, my lovely white dc trainers were still box fresh and dapper!
    wife, oh dear! boots smeared in peanut butter that just did not smell like peanut butter!
    hmmmmmmmm! i thought how jolly upsetting!
    i instructed my wife to remove the offending boot, and i placed in a carrier bag in the boot!
    no appology at this point was given by my wife i must add!
    after disposing of mentioned boot, i turned my attention to the fully tailored car mat that the offending article was resting on!
    and sure enough, caked in peanut butter colour k9 faeces of unknown origin!
    i unclipped my mat and placed this in the boot also!
    again, no apology was given!
    i bit angry by this i asked if my wife was willing to clean my mat for me as a gesture of good will!
    she barked back at me, " i am not cleaning that!, thats not my fault, i didn"t do it on purpose, its not my dog shizzle!"
    great i thought! i told her i knew it was not hers and indeed she did not mean to do it but the fact of the matter was, its all over my mat and somebody has to do it!
    she refused!
    i asked who was going to do it then? the fairies?
    she said she was not bothered and she was not!
    this got me agitated!, so in a frowny face suggested that i will have to do it!
    she replied " yes you will"
    well that was it! i am sorry, i can take quite a bit of rudeness, but she crossed the line right then!
    so i declared that indeed i would clean the mat
    but,
    never ever ever ever ever ever ever, EVER is she getting in my car again!
    she promptly barked back " not bothered" in a very 12 year old way that had the effect of trying to put a fire out with petrol!
    so there you go!
    one banned mrs from the audi!
    as you were............................ rant over.......................:beerchug:
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2012
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  3. monster_munch
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    monster_munch Member

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    Are you sure shes your wife if those are the sort of conversations you have regularly!?
    #2
  4. CHEZ
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    CHEZ moderately amusing Supporter

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    yes she is! i love her really! but i love my car more!
    #3
  5. monster_munch
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    monster_munch Member

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    Haha I hear that! I cant stand it when Ive had my girlfriend in the car and theres white cat hairs on the seat. Or when she podges my RNS-E for the millionth time with her grubby mitts, even though she knows its not touch screen.
    Gets me mad inside!
    #4
  6. Sandra
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    Sandra MODERATOR Staff Member Moderator

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    Lol chez, sounds like you have had a bad day. Poor Leanne getting banned from the car though, im sure you will forgive her.
    #5
  7. CHEZ
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    CHEZ moderately amusing Supporter

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    i am a man of my word sandra!
    i told you it would happen........................and it did! lol
    maybe i will let her back in if she redeems herself!
    #6
  8. Sandra
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    Sandra MODERATOR Staff Member Moderator

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    I hate to think what she has to do to redeem herself Chez. Go and forgive her just now chez, you know you want to really.
    #7
  9. jay1601
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    jay1601 Well-Known Member

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    i did have a laugh while reading that.

    but i like your style of only 3 warnings. my mrs also slams my doors aswell. does get on my nervs very quick
    #8
  10. audiv6quattro
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    audiv6quattro Member

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    My missus (and kids) are exactly the same mate, slam doors all the time. The kids I kinda expect it from but the missus!!! Good on ya
    #9
  11. A4B8Sline
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    A4B8Sline Member

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    Had a little laugh to myself reading this! Mines the same cant tell her without her going off on one thinking I'm getting at her.

    Maybe she could buy you new mats for valentines day? Might get her out the sh!t?

    All the best.
    #10
  12. Khufu
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    Khufu Active Member

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    I think she got off lightly LOL. Even children learn quicker!

    I once came out to my old A3 to find my now ex gf trying to put the passenger front seat back upright having put her baby in the baby seat in the back. Instead of looking to see why it didnt clip down she just kept banging it down. By the time I stopped her & looked at it the latch part it was bent round 90 degrees. It took me 10 mins to straighten it properly :motz:
    #11
  13. warren_S5
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    warren_S5 Moderator Staff Member Moderator VCDS Map User

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    [​IMG]

    Bringing the rucus!!

    I have visions of you with a Halfords roofbox made specially for the missus!
    #12
  14. jay1601
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    jay1601 Well-Known Member

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    you don't need a roof box....... thats what the boots for...
    #13
  15. CHEZ
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    CHEZ moderately amusing Supporter

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    ah ha ha! your right mate!
    my boot space is quite ample in the avant!
    as my mate put it on viewing my car for first time, "you got a murderers car then, plenty of boot space for bodies!"...........:undwech:
    #14
  16. quattrojames
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    quattrojames Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    I guarantee she will go in your car again.
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  17. CHEZ
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    CHEZ moderately amusing Supporter

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    only, after she has redeemed herself and earned herself this priveledge jimmy!:icon_thumright:
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2012
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  18. jojo
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    jojo S3 Drift King! Staff Member Moderator

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    Did it ever occur to you Chez, that you're in an Audi and not a sh!tbox, so the slamming of your doors actually has no effect on your car?

    Anyways, 'it's just like a Golf!' <thunk> :laugh:
    #17
  19. CHEZ
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    CHEZ moderately amusing Supporter

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    [Feb 6, 2012]
    in a way yes jo! in a way no jo!
    they all end up in a scrap yard mate! just in my case i would prefer that later rather than sooner!:bye:
    #18
  20. audimad918
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    audimad918 New Member

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    [Feb 9, 2012]
    My better half does not understand men and cars at all. If she gets in with sh*t on her shoes she doesn`t seem to care, and wonders why I go mental. I can never work them out!!
    #19
  21. simon.m
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    [Feb 13, 2012]
    hahahaha that was good i thought it was just me that hated the doors being slammed like it was a ford i tell my misses and kids all the time slam it by all means but not from fully open as the doors are heavy. and she has this habit of when she walks away from the car doing a two hand door slam from fully open the hole bloody car rocks and i go pop. and for the first time in nearly 3 years i got my own back when she got here first car i slamed that door so good lol and she went nuts i was oh sorry i dint mean it lol guess what she dont do to my car any more ;-)
    #20
  22. ScottD3
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    ScottD3 I want your faulty electronics Supporter

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    [Feb 13, 2012]
    Gutted Chezzers.

    You should gotten her out of the car and falcon punched her!!
    Then make her clean it.
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  23. Turkster
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    Turkster Bro.Paul 2.5TDI Quattro Sport

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    [Feb 13, 2012]
    ban her mate and point out where the bus stop is with a grin!
    #22
  24. Sarah's A3
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    [Feb 14, 2012]
    lol, made me smile reading this. Least you didnt rub her nose in it lol

    I hate it when passengers scrape their shoes over the plastic trim at the bottom of the doors, really gets me mad! I like the trim clean and not covered in dried mud! See we arnt all the same, thankfully.
    #23
  25. CHEZ
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    CHEZ moderately amusing Supporter

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    [Feb 14, 2012]
    sadly i caved in! but i did last over a week!
    as james annoyingly predicted................................

    but, however,
    i must point out, after an awful lot of moaning about it being too cold, or her hair will get wet etc i showed her the mat!
    reluctantly she hoovered it and disinfected my lovely mat to near clinical perfection!
    i also got the chance to smugly say " i told you, that you would do it!" which is priceless!
    so happy days all around really, my wife gets free transport again, my car has a clean mat and i also get free sexy time again!
    .....(she still is on strike 3 though!) :icon_thumright:
    #24
  26. DJM1982
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    [Feb 14, 2012]
    had to chuckle when reading this post.
    But feel your pain, my misses did the same to my A4, so much so that the door has dropped and i have to constantly give it a nudge back up to level or it rubs the paint. So when we got her brand new fiesta delivery in November, can you guess the first thing i did when i got in the passenger seat to go for a ride? she doesn't slam my doors anymore, haha.
    #25
  27. s3dave
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    [Feb 14, 2012]
    I thought about doing this too, but my mrs also slams the washer door in an equal manner and i did not want to ban her from that...:)
    #26
  28. Gops
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    Gops 6th gear @7000rpm

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    [Feb 16, 2012]
    Ahh I fee your pain!! My mrs does this and I've had to sit her down and had a proper word with her. She did it with my boot, slamming it down and creating a mini earthquake in my car! Had a proper go at her, and when she gets in my car she scrapes her bag in along the bottom of the dash just underneath the glovebox which I once and finally said "you do that one more time, i'll set fire to your bag along with all the **** you carry In it.. Till this date she's reformed, but if she steps out of line again I'll burn her wardrobe!
    #27
    johnnythepie likes this.
  29. Turkster
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    Turkster Bro.Paul 2.5TDI Quattro Sport

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    [Feb 16, 2012]
    yep im the same, :icon_thumright: i had any mess in my car,
    #28
  30. CHEZ
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    CHEZ moderately amusing Supporter

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    [Feb 16, 2012]
    OH MY GOD! she does this too!
    i mentioned this to my mrs the other day and i got shot down for being O.C.D. and that i was looking for an argument!
    she has one of those stupid pauls boutique bags with loads of chains and jangley shizzle hanging off it and she does this all the time!
    thanks for high lighting this area!
    i will address this problem asap!
    damn women!
    #29
  31. bowen
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    bowen Member

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    [Feb 16, 2012]
    3....2......1.....

    divorce
    #30
  32. Gops
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    Gops 6th gear @7000rpm

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    [Feb 17, 2012]
    Omg I can't stand it when she does it! And she leaves empty wrappers in my car. So I collected them all and dumped it in her bag!
    #31
  33. supanova
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    supanova A3 2.0 TDI SE

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    [Mar 26, 2012]
    It actually does sound like your nit picking to have arguments IMO. Okay she slams the door but to be honest if i was slamming lets say a friends car door not on purpose and he actually took time to come up with a system to ban me if it happened again I'd actually go out of my way to SLAM the dam door. At the end of the day she's your wife mate, she shouldnt have to feel like she needs to obey your every command. The peanut butter thing too, she obviously didnt do it on purpose, IMO it was no1's fault not yours and nor your wife and demanding her to clean it was your first wrong move.

    and whats this s**t about next time she does wrong or doesnt do right?!? she's not a freakin dog.
    #32
  34. johnnythepie
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    johnnythepie Well-Known Member

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    [Mar 27, 2012]
    Absolutely right.Life Ban.No respect for the vehicle
    #33
  35. L33h
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    [Mar 27, 2012]
    I bet shes been back in since! :undwech:
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  36. Lukeyboy
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    Lukeyboy New Member

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    [Mar 28, 2012]
    wise move lol
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  37. CHEZ
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    CHEZ moderately amusing Supporter

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    [Mar 28, 2012]

    oh dear me!
    i think somebody has taken this a little too literally haven"t they?
    me and the mrs have a very good relationship as it happens thankyou very much jeremy kyle! , but sadly the whole banning from my car episode/saga was merely just light hearted fun and if i came across as an oger or a caveman well then i am sorry to dissapoint you as if anybody who knows me i am certainly not!
    like most happily married couples we have our boundaries, the house (that i pay for incidently) is hers, and woe bedite me if i were to swoon on in with dog dirt all over my boots, as there would be a pretty fierce demonstration by the mrs as to why i would be cleaning it and not her!
    the car and garden is my domain, i am in charge of these areas in our life.
    so my friend what what we have is a pretty healthy strong relationship of mutual respect and me "demanding" as you put it my nearest and dearest to clean the said doggy mess was merely my little way of proving a point and educating the mrs that i dont clean, clay wax and polish my car for up to 9 hours a time for it to be treated like a 10 year old mini cab!
    thanks for the input though, you have cheared me up! :icon_thumright:
    #36
  38. jojo
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    jojo S3 Drift King! Staff Member Moderator

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    [Mar 28, 2012]
    I thought you was being serious CHEZ! :undwech:
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  39. CHEZ
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    CHEZ moderately amusing Supporter

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    [Mar 28, 2012]
    i was and did jo! but seriously!
    this fella thinks i keep her in a cupboard under the stairs and feeds her on fish heads or something!
    #38
  40. Sandra
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    Sandra MODERATOR Staff Member Moderator

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    [Mar 28, 2012]
    Chez, your last post really cheered me up. As you say, those who know you, know your a really ace guy. :)
    #39
  41. CHEZ
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    CHEZ moderately amusing Supporter

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    [Mar 28, 2012]
    cheers sandra! like tequilla, take me with a pinch of salt!
    hope your keeping well sandra! not chatted for a while! :beerchug:
    #40

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