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'Hoff' Facts

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by RichA3Turbo, Jan 20, 2006.

  1. RichA3Turbo
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    RichA3Turbo ...Watching you! Staff Member Moderator

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    1. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a
    game of tennis.

    2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David
    Hasselhoff allows to live.

    3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

    4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's
    David Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the
    third girl he had slept with.

    5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe,
    and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

    6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David Hasselhoff
    could use to kill you, including the room itself.

    7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan
    borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay him back.

    8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.

    9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn
    needs to lie the f**k down.

    10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get
    wet. The water gets David instead.

    11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.

    12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World
    Records it notes that all world records are held by David Hasselhoff,
    and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come
    to matching him.

    13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put
    up with lactose's sh*t.

    14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.

    15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.

    16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At
    night.

    17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists
    entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

    18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching
    his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of
    his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

    19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and
    won.

    20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a year
    later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the
    Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because
    Grammy's are for queers."
    Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

    21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky child
    to be thrown into the sun.

    22. When David Hasselhoff does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up,
    he's pushing the Earth down.

    23. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow
    motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno
    erupts behind him.

    24. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire
    spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

    25. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he
    ate every last unicorn in existence.

    26. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.

    27. The eternal connundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets
    an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched
    himself in the face.
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  2. TDI-line
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    TDI-line Uber Post Whore

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    Very good.
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  3. jdp1962
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    jdp1962 Grumpy Old Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    Substitute "The Stig" for "David Hasselhoff", and send this off to Top Gear:

    Can't wait for the next series, when JC says: "Some say he invented the entire spectrum of light (except for pink, of course).....".
    #3
  4. dummi
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    dummi smoking a6

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    i don't know which is more shocking no. 6 or no. 11 lol very good
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