Health Tips That Make Sense
Health Tips and News On Food, Health, & Exercise:
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is
this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.
Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not
make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?
Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is
nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables
to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good
source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop
can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of
vegetable slop.
Q: Are beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables.
As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into
three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that
beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic
table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice:
Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
Q: How can I calculate my body / fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is
one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.,
Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the
bench press. What did he mean?
A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he
blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health
clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why
you're going in, you probably ought to reevaluate your exercise
program.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain -
NoPain.
Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?
A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of
mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in
record time.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more
vegetables be bad for you?
Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around
the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about trying to live a longer and healthier life. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/beerchug.gif
Health Tips and News On Food, Health, & Exercise:
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is
this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.
Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not
make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?
Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is
nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables
to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good
source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop
can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of
vegetable slop.
Q: Are beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables.
As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into
three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that
beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic
table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice:
Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
Q: How can I calculate my body / fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is
one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.,
Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the
bench press. What did he mean?
A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he
blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health
clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why
you're going in, you probably ought to reevaluate your exercise
program.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain -
NoPain.
Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?
A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of
mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in
record time.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more
vegetables be bad for you?
Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around
the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about trying to live a longer and healthier life. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/beerchug.gif
