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Health Tips

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by bainsyboy, May 7, 2006.

  1. bainsyboy

    bainsyboy Guest

    Health Tips That Make Sense

    Health Tips and News On Food, Health, & Exercise:

    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is
    this true?

    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.
    Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not
    make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
    your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?
    Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is
    nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables
    to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good
    source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop
    can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of
    vegetable slop.

    Q: Are beer or wine bad for me?

    A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables.
    As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into
    three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that
    beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic
    table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice:
    Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

    Q: How can I calculate my body / fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is
    one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.,

    Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the
    bench press. What did he mean?

    A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he
    blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health
    clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why
    you're going in, you probably ought to reevaluate your exercise

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
    exercise program?

    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain -

    Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?

    A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of
    mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in
    record time.

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable
    oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more
    vegetables be bad for you?

    Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

    A: Thicker gravy.

    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around
    the middle?

    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
    You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

    I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
    about trying to live a longer and healthier life. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/beerchug.gif
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  3. Rev-head

    Rev-head Active Member

    Oct 14, 2004
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    Very good ............ /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif
  4. necroeire

    necroeire Active Member

    Feb 19, 2004
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    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ok.gif very good
  5. TDI-line

    TDI-line Uber Post Whore
    Team Vegas Yellow quattro Audi A3

    Oct 14, 2004
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