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Girlfriend problems

doublem_1 Mar 12, 2012

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  1. doublem_1

    doublem_1 Member

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    I have a feeling my girlfriend has cheated on me. It started a while back when she was constantly texting and Facebook messaging a security guard at her work and said it was harmless although he wanted her to break up with me. She wanted me to put upload a photo i took of her to Facebook which I did but the same guy started a conversation and it showed the past conversation. Needless to say it mentioned her asking him to 'come over for a few hours' and meeting up with him. I also noticed a conversation with a guy that she must of used to see, and she still finds him attractive and was basically flirting with him. I know I shouldn't of snooped but it was accidental, and then curiosity got the better of me.

    I really don't know what to do now.
     
  2. DaveA3

    DaveA3 Audi A-Trizzle!

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    Confront her about. Even if you were wrong to find it, the fact is she still done wrong mate. If she tried to deny it then kick her to the curb.

    Also tips to know if ppl are lying i saw it on tv:

    # Watch for shifty eyes and lack of eye contact
    # fidgeting with hair
    # biting lips or folding them etc
     
  3. gavsman

    gavsman Member

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    Bin her fella.
     
  4. doublem_1

    doublem_1 Member

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    I think I will definitely confront her. Thanks for the help Dave, much appreciated.
     
  5. damo.h

    damo.h DVLA Say it's Black

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    Haha love body language you can get soooo much info from peoples unconcious state, girls playing with hair usually means they have some form of attraction towards something/ someone. More than lies but true it may mean fear of being found out. But don't rely on this.

    Look into her eyes as you ask the inevitable, if her eyes go up and track to the left.... drop her !!!

    Then take the security guard for a ride in a Van ;) job done.


    In all seriousness tho dude if you love her I bet yr gutted... Looks like you have some factual evidence, ask the questions and get ye answers before jumping to conclusions. Hope you get it sorted :thumbsup:
     
  6. Ads

    Ads License to drive

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    Don't ask her questions that give her the info/facts you have. Just let her know that you know things about what she has been up to.
    Lead her with your questioning and let her do the telling... e.g. "I've seen things i'm not happy about between you and mr security guard, tell me about them."

    See how much information she is willing to give up.
    People's first reaction when presented with facts about dodgy things they have done is to think on their feet and give innocent reasons/explanations for why they have done no wrong. But if you don't give her the facts about what you already know she has done then she'll have to work out what she should or shouldn't own up too.
    She'll probably play her cards close to her chest and own up to pretty much nothing. This means she's dodgy dodge.

    Keep leading her, giving her more and more prompts about what you know and she'll probably get so nervous that she'll own up to more and more.
    Just tease her with what you know, bit by bit. She'll panic (if she even cares, that is) and you'll be able to see her true reactions.

    Nothing worse than being questioned by someone and not knowing what they know about you.

    Do it this way and you'll find out everything you need to know about how genuine she is. Or isn't.


    God speed. :icon_thumright:
     
  7. doublem_1

    doublem_1 Member

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    Thanks, I shall keep this in mind. So basically if she can't keep eye contact its probable that she is hiding something.
     
  8. doublem_1

    doublem_1 Member

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    Great info. I will certainly play things this way. Thanks!
     
  9. SAiLO

    SAiLO Well-Known Member VCDS Map User

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    Never admit you went through her private messages/conversations.
     
  10. wayne1.8t

    wayne1.8t Member

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    might sound harsh but get rid mate it's only the start. If she loved you then u wouldn't be finding stuff like that. Then go knock f**k out the security guard for takin the p**s out of you.plenty more fish out there pal.
     
  11. jb0o

    jb0o North East Forum Moderator Regional Rep Site Sponsor VCDS Map User

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    Definitely agree with this. She'd quickly turn it around and make you think that you looking through her messages was ten times worse then her infidelity.
     
  12. jojo

    jojo Looking for Boost! Staff Member Moderator Team Daytona Audi S3 quattro Audi A6 Audi Avant Owner Group

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    Put your name down as a contestant for 'Take Me Out'. :)
     
  13. Ads

    Ads License to drive

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    Try and not mentioned going through her messages at first but I fear to get the whole truth you are going to have to own up to it.
    As mentioned above, she probably will try to make that sound worse than what she has done, but its not. As long as you maintain that what she has done is 1000000 worse than your snooping she'll have to stop using it as a attack/defence for what she has done.

    You are in the position of strength. Not her.
     
  14. Ads

    Ads License to drive

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    Let the horse see the saddle.
     
  15. AARON77

    AARON77 Well-Known Member

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    And if that don't work fu*k her friends

    Just jog her on
    SNAKES WITH TITS ;)
     
  16. damo.h

    damo.h DVLA Say it's Black

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    Think we need an agony tread up in da house ;)

    As said by ads, very good advice that, you take the lead and hold it, dont barage her with questioning stright out as this will throw her body language all over the shop, calm, concise (is that how its spelt lol) questioning ftw. Give her brain time to buffer but not too much to make things up. You of all people should be able to tell if thes blabbing. Then when she breaks in the slightest that's when you go in.... Don't go getting angry as it will be flipped around onto you... We all know women like to play the victim (Sandra don't ready that bit):lmfao:

    Keep us posted mate, hope yr **** sorta out.
     
  17. Sandra

    Sandra Administrator Staff Member Administrator TeamMisano TFSI Owners Group Audi S3 quattro s tronic Platinum Supporter

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    :no: Proper lol Damo. :)
     
  18. Damo - S3

    Damo - S3 Member

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    If im honest mate... i feel sorry for you. with that said, why is she so special? there are so many girls in the world and you have one life, if she's messing you about mate get rid. needless to say if you did the usual break up process would happen, eg, hurt, denial, anger, rebelious and then she'll come crawling back admit everything and at which point will be too late as your mentality would have changed and you will be onit like a tramp on a sandwich. Tbh, she's giving you doubts & even if those doubts are in her mind don't matter and theres nothing to worry about... its still having an impact on you so further in the relationship its gonna peck at your head. so from that point of view i would get rid and as the saying goes "don't get bitter, get better". just do whats best for you, now and for the future. you don't wanna go further in a relationship find out more things, split up and take these emotions out on your next gf...
     
  19. damo.h

    damo.h DVLA Say it's Black

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    ^^^why didn't I think of that user name^^^ and he's lives just down the rd ffs :faint:
     
  20. sportstractor

    sportstractor Chugger

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    Dam that sucks. Personally if I believed she was messing me about I'd get rid, you don't need that kind of paranoia hanging over you. Plenty of nice girls out there who are happy with one bloke, unlike the ones who like playing games
     
  21. StateOfPlay

    StateOfPlay Well-Known Member

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    You know this much mate, if she is messaging other blokes then things are not right.

    Your best bet is to ditch her. Just tell her to **** off with the security guard, and take the hit now mate. You have seen with your own eyes what has gone on, you don't need to ask her any questions. You already know the answers. If nothing else mate, she will have massive respect for you. Well, once she has stopped crying her eyes out.
     
  22. Nilz

    Nilz Defo worth the wait :) Team Ibis TFSI Owners Group quattro Audi A4 S-line owners group saloon Manual

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    Come over for a few hours????

    Dude, whatever the reason, this happening without your knowing, is a big no no!!

    Unfortunately, as harsh as it sounds, I would say the door needs to be used by her and tell her not to look back mate, you need to get rid.
     
  23. consilio

    consilio Up the owls!

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    Its obviously a difficult thing to do, but I would get rid ASAP. Your story reminds me of a previous girlfriend so much it actually made my stomach turn reading it. At the time I knew something wasnt right but didn't trust my instinct. Turns out she was shagging some guy from her work.

    Now I am in a relationship 8 years strong, and I would happily leave her in a room with you lot naked, and be 100% sure nothing would happen. That sort of trust is a great feeling having experienced the other side of the coin.

    Even if she isn't doing anything wrong, texting other guys in secret shows a complete lack of respect for you, and it will only get worse.
     
  24. damo.h

    damo.h DVLA Say it's Black

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    Can this be arranged at the next AITP ???


    Just as a test obviously lol
     
  25. coatesy

    coatesy poking badgers with spoons

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    ahh f*ck it go postal! take prisoners and kick ass, brake out the nail tipped 2x4.

    but seriously if she been a cheat just nut her!

    you could just make a sly dig that could be taken as a joke about her and the guard and if she gets all irate about it she is more than likely having your eyes out, then just blow her way after shes blown you off, obviously you might as well get a quick last one in there! :)

    cheating is a no no, i 310% hate it so if she is cheating i feel for you and ill sort you a hug out to make it better but no ****.
    :no:
     
  26. coatesy

    coatesy poking badgers with spoons

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    id imagine she would come out some what quite soggy after she'd been left in a room naked with a load of sex pests. be like the new version of soggy biscuit haha!

    sorry that might of been to far for some people but that's how my humor rolls :nyah:
     
  27. Sandra

    Sandra Administrator Staff Member Administrator TeamMisano TFSI Owners Group Audi S3 quattro s tronic Platinum Supporter

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    Damo, that seriously made me laugh, :)
     
  28. damo.h

    damo.h DVLA Say it's Black

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    Amen to that ;).....but come on Nut her, Just proper lol'd at that not heard the term Nut someone for years.....classic!


    Sandra wants to test her too..... Filth bag ;)
     
  29. AlexGSi2000

    AlexGSi2000 Well-Known Member VCDS Map User

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    Not good mate - how long has she been your "girlfriend" for?

    Its easy just to go ahead and tell you to bin her off (which I totally agree with) - but if you have been with her for a while then its the bond that you think you have with her that needs to be broken. If I was in your situation I know I would find it hard to just let go all of a sudden, even if I knew it was right.

    Basically, you need to ask yourself if you can trust her - im guessing the answer is no.
    If so then like others have said, dont bother spending any more time with her - life is too short to be constantly worrying.
    If its happened before then it will definitely happen again.
    Show her the door and dont take any prisoners.
     
  30. doublem_1

    doublem_1 Member

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    Thanks for all the help guys. I had a talk with her and by all accounts it was innocent as nothing did happen. I know she hasn't contacted him for a months now (the messages were from october) and she had deleted him from facebook and got rid of his number as he had different ideas (wanted to my girlfriend to split up with me! despite him being engaged). She never felt anything towards him she said, just as a friend. I just can't quite believe that she didn't have any sexual intentions with 'come over for a few hours and watch a movie' when she had a free house. I have been there before!!

    Nevermind, I have trusted her strongly and still do, just a little less. We have been together 2 years. She is tom boy really and doesn't really get on with girls so I can understand her a bit. We are ok now but I still think that, maybe even briefly there was some intention there.
     
  31. coatesy

    coatesy poking badgers with spoons

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    soo all is good in the end, happy for you as its not nice to see people get f*cked over by women, now you just need to get some good old intercourse on the go to make everything back to normal :yahoo:
     
  32. damo.h

    damo.h DVLA Say it's Black

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    Yup. Agree, smash the **** out of her so she knows who she belongs to ;)... But now she knows yr on top shell think twice before entering into sneaky conversations with other blokes.
    Best to try forget and carry on if that's how you feel. If your happy mate that's all tht matters. But do yrself a favour and keep an eye out... don't be a mug you sound like a decent bloke.
     
  33. sportstractor

    sportstractor Chugger

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    That's if she's not too knackered from the other blokes...

    Sorry that was mean... Glad you got it sorted, but remember that's one strike against her.
     
  34. StateOfPlay

    StateOfPlay Well-Known Member

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    ****ing hell, she invited him over for a few hours behind your back, and you believe it is innocent?

    She is lucky to have you mate, she does something like this again, you know what you have to do mate.

    Good luck to you.
     
  35. egesford

    egesford Member

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    lol, i wud have ****ed her off with no explanation and pissed on her clothes
     
  36. hades-

    hades- Well-Known Member VCDS Map User

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    i bet she ****ed him a few times tho
    i couldnt be anywhere near her what do u thing when ur doin her
     
  37. damo.h

    damo.h DVLA Say it's Black

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    Subtle dude lol, Sure thats what I'd be thinking whilst on the nest. Fair play if he can ignore it I couldn't.
     
  38. hades-

    hades- Well-Known Member VCDS Map User

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    subtle ?
    if your missus invited a bloke over txt fb etc and still likes an ex an was flirting could you stay with her ?
    come on shes done it and will do it again and the minute they get away with it its open season for them
    shes prob laffing and thinking MUG
     
  39. StateOfPlay

    StateOfPlay Well-Known Member

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    Definitely ditch her before it gets too serious.

    Or shag her best mate.

    Either option will do.
     
  40. Gstar51

    Gstar51 Member

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    I would go out, get mortal drunk then wake up the next day without a thought in my head of this so called girlfriend. Get on eBay and sort myself some retail therapy. (rs4 or summat like dis)
    Oh yeah forgot to mention b*m her best mate.
     
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