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From Human Resources

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by jdp1962, May 16, 2005.

  1. jdp1962
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    jdp1962 Grumpy Old Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    [May 16, 2005]
    Dear Employees:

    It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.



    1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
    INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

    2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
    INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit_h.

    3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
    INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

    4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
    INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

    5) TRY SAYING: Really?
    INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

    6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
    INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

    7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
    INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

    8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
    INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

    9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
    INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

    10) TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
    INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

    11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
    INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

    12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
    INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

    13) TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
    INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

    14) TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
    INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

    15) TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
    INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

    16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
    INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

    17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
    INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

    18) TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
    INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.



    Thank You,

    Human Resources
    #1
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  3. TDI-line
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    TDI-line Uber Post Whore

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    [May 17, 2005]
    Very true. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_2.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_2.gif
    #2
  4. 28v6
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    28v6 Guest

    [May 17, 2005]
    Yep! How True...and heres another..............

    Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her
    > soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St.
    > Peter himself.
    >
    > "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in
    > though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've
    > never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not
    > really sure what to do with you."
    >
    > "No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
    >
    > "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do
    > is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can
    > choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
    >
    > "Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven",
    > said the woman.
    >
    > "Sorry, we have rules..."
    >
    > And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went
    > down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself
    > stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the
    > distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her
    > friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well
    > dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed
    > her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an
    > excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she
    > enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
    >
    > She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind'a cute)
    > And she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such
    > a Good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook
    > her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
    >
    > The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and
    > found St. Peter waiting for her.
    >
    > "Now it's time to spend a day in Heaven," he said.
    >
    > So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing
    > the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her
    > 24 hours were up and St Peter came and got her.
    >
    > "So, you've spent a day in Hell and you've spent a day in Heaven. Now
    > you must choose your eternity,"
    >
    > The woman paused for a second and then replied,
    >
    > "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really
    > great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
    >
    > So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went
    > down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she
    > found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and
    > filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the
    > garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his
    > arm around her.
    >
    > "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and
    > there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we
    > danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and
    > all my friends look miserable."
    >
    > The Devil looked at her and smiled.
    >
    > "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're staff..."
    >
    > Have a nice day!
    >
    #3
  5. Japper
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    Japper Ibis S3 Fan Club

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    [May 17, 2005]
    So true /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

    28v6, serves her right for being HR /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif
    #4
  6. TDI-line
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    TDI-line Uber Post Whore

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    [May 17, 2005]
    Not always greener on the other side. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/burningmad.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/burningmad.gif
    #5
  7. hop2407
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    hop2407 Active Member

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    [May 18, 2005]
    Excellent..... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ok.gif
    #6

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