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Friday joke...............

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by imported_mustwin1, Oct 22, 2004.

  1. imported_mustwin1
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    imported_mustwin1 Guest

    [Oct 22, 2004]
    A man walks up to a bar, and ask's the bartender for a pint. Whilst the bartender is pulling the pint the man looks in his to shirt pocket, pays the bartender and then walks off to drink his pint.

    When comes back he ask's the bartender for another pint. Whilst the bartender is pulling the pint the man looks in his to shirt pocket again, pays the bartender and then walks off to drink his pint again.

    Again the man comes up to get another pint and does exactly the same thing.

    On the 7th pint the bar tender stops the man, as he is about to look in his pocket and asks the question " why every time you get a drink do you look in your shirt pocket?"

    The man replies " because I have a picture of my wife in there and when she looks good I go home!" /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/beerchug.gif
    #1
  2. Anito
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    Anito Member

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    [Oct 22, 2004]
    POINTS TO PONDER

    Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

    Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

    I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "implants?" She hit me.

    I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

    Sign in a Chinese pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea....."

    I live in my own little world. But it's okay. They know me here.

    I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

    If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

    I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

    There are two sides to every divorce: yours and Shithead's.

    I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

    I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

    Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I have stayed alive.

    How come they choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

    Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

    Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

    Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

    Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mum's wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been.

    A good friend will come and bail you out of jail... but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn, that was fun!"

    I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

    When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping", now I just "chunky dunk".

    The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.

    Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

    Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

    Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realise you haven't fallen asleep yet.

    My wife says I never listen to her (at least I think that's what she said).

    Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

    If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called LABOUR.

    Wouldn't you know it ...brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live for ever.
    #2
  3. Khufu
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    Khufu Well-Known Member

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    [Oct 22, 2004]
    priceless!!!!
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