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Friday funnies

Discussion in 'Jokes, Games & Humour' started by voorhees, Sep 10, 2010.

  1. voorhees

    voorhees Moderator
    Staff Member Moderator Black Edition Team Brill Red

    Dec 18, 2005
    Likes Received:
    One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
    Christmas gift...

    The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

    When she asked him why, he replied,

    "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
    And that's how the fight started...


    My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in

    I turned to her and said,

    'Do you want to have Sex?'


    she answered.

    I then said,

    'Is that your final answer?'

    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying


    So I said,

    'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

    And that's when the fight started...


    I took my wife to a restaurant.

    The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

    'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

    He said,

    'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

    'Nah, she can order for herself.'

    And that's when the fight started...


    My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.
    She asked,
    'What's on the TV?'
    I said,
    And then the fight started...


    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary..
    She said,

    'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'

    I bought her a scale.
    And then the fight started...


    My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
    kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby
    I asked her,
    'Do you know him?'
    she sighed,
    'He's my old boyfriend... I understand he took to drinking right after we
    split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'

    'My God!'
    I said,
    'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

    And then the fight started...


    I rear-ended a car this morning... So, there we were alongside the road and
    slowly the other driver got out of his car.

    You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just
    seem funny?

    Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

    He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,


    So, I looked down at him and said,

    'Well, then which one are you?'

    And then the fight started....



    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that
    I should get it fixed.

    But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck,
    the car, playing golf. Always something more important to me.

    Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

    When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
    snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a
    short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when
    I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

    I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'

    The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
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  3. alijames

    alijames Active Member

    Feb 10, 2008
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    LOL. Excellent Jase!!!

  4. Sarah's A3

    Sarah's A3 MODERATOR V6 S3 Hybrid
    Staff Member Moderator

    Feb 19, 2010
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    lol, you dafty!
  5. NHN

    NHN Retrofitter - Audi - VW - Skoda - Seat
    Site Sponsor VCDS Map User

    Jan 14, 2008
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    lmfao you can tell when the weather has got **** cause Jase goes back on his Jokes trail, that Millionaire one made us LOL, like that alot, phone a friend.
  6. lil_coz

    lil_coz Active Member

    Nov 13, 2007
    Likes Received:
    lol nice ones

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