1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Fly Quantas??

gjcknocker Nov 14, 2006

  1. gjcknocker

    gjcknocker Member

    > Subject: Quantas
    > Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
    > school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in
    > our jobs.
    > After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a
    > "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
    > The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
    > then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be
    > said
    > that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
    > complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the
    > solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
    > By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
    > an accident.
    > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    > P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    > S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
    > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    > S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
    > P: Something loose in cockpit.
    > S: Something tightened in cockpit.
    > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    > S: Live bugs on back-order.
    > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produce! s a 200 feet per minute descent.
    > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
    > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    > S: Evidence removed.
    > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    > S: DME volume set to more believable level.
    > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    > S: That's what friction locks are for.
    > P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
    > P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    > S: Suspect you're right.
    > P: Number 3 engine missing.
    > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
    > P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
    > S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
    > P: Target radar hums.
    > S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
    > P: Mouse in cockpit.
    > S: Cat installed.
    > And the best one for last..................
    > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
    > Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    > S: Took hammer away from midget.

  2. 28v6

    28v6 Guest

    Yes, Do stick to the day job won't you.... Verrrry Old, but still good:lmfao:

Share This Page