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Female vs. Male

jdp1962 May 17, 2005

  1. jdp1962

    jdp1962 Grumpy Old Moderator Staff Member Moderator TFSI Owners Group Team V6 Gold Supporter Team Tornado Audi S4 quattro Black Edition s tronic

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    If it's been done before, then my apologies


    1. NAMES



    If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call
    each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.



    If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to
    each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.



    2. EATING OUT



    When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in £20,
    even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything
    smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.



    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.



    3. MONEY



    A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.



    A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.



    4. BATHROOMS



    A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
    razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from a Hilton hotel.



    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A
    man would not be able to identify most of these items.



    5. ARGUMENTS



    A woman has the last word in any argument.



    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.



    6. CATS



    Women love cats.



    Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.



    7. FUTURE



    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.



    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.



    8. SUCCESS



    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.



    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.



    9. MARRIAGE



    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.



    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.



    10. DRESSING UP



    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
    garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.



    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.



    11. NATURAL



    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.



    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.



    12. OFFSPRING



    Ah, children.



    A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
    appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and
    hopes and dreams.



    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.



    13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY



    Any married man should forget his mistakes.
    There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!!!
     
  2. Japper

    Japper Ibis S3 Fan Club

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    Oh, that is sooooo..true /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_roll.gif
     
  3. TDI-line

    TDI-line Uber Post Whore Team Floret Silver quattro Audi A3 Black Edition TDi

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    All very good. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_2.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_2.gif
     
  4. hop2407

    hop2407 Active Member

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    Absolutely hit the nail on the head there Jeff.... soooooo true...

    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ok.gif
     

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