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Engineers humour

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by DaveACQ20v, Mar 18, 2005.

  1. DaveACQ20v

    DaveACQ20v Member

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    AFTER EVERY FLIGHT, PILOTS FILL OUT A FORM CALLED A GRIPE SHEET, WHICH
    CONVEYS TO THE MECHANICS PROBLEMS ENCOUNTERED WITH THE AIRCRAFT DURING THE
    FLIGHT THAT NEED REPAIR OR CORRECTION.

    THE MECHANICS READ AND CORRECT THE PROBLEM, AND THEN RESPOND IN WRITING ON
    THE LOWER HALF OF THE FORM WHAT REMEDIAL ACTION WAS TAKEN, AND THE PILOT
    REVIEWS THE GRIPE SHEETS BEFORE THE NEXT FLIGHT.

    NEVER LET IT BE SAID THAT GROUND CREWS AND ENGINEERS LACK A SENSE OF
    HUMOUR.

    HERE ARE SOME ACTUAL LOGGED MAINTENANCE COMPLAINTS AND PROBLEMS AS
    SUBMITTED
    BY AMERICAN AIRLINES PILOTS AND THE SOLUTION RECORDED BY MAINTENANCE
    ENGINEERS.


    ( P = THE PROBLEM LOGGED BY THE PILOT.)
    ( S = THE SOLUTION AND ACTION TAKEN BY THE ENGINEERS.)

    P: LEFT INSIDE MAIN TIRE ALMOST NEEDS REPLACEMENT.
    S: ALMOST REPLACED LEFT INSIDE MAIN TYRE.

    P: TEST FLIGHT OK, EXCEPT AUTO-LAND VERY ROUGH.
    S: AUTO-LAND NOT INSTALLED ON THIS AIRCRAFT.

    P: SOMETHING LOOSE IN COCKPIT.
    S: SOMETHING TIGHTENED IN COCKPIT.

    P: DEAD BUGS ON WINDSHIELD.
    S: LIVE BUGS ON BACK-ORDER.

    P: AUTOPILOT IN ALTITUDE-HOLD MODE PRODUCES A 200 FEET PER MINUTE
    DESCENT.
    S: CANNOT REPRODUCE PROBLEM ON GROUND.

    P: EVIDENCE OF LEAK ON RIGHT MAIN LANDING GEAR.
    S: EVIDENCE REMOVED.

    P: DME VOLUME UNBELIEVABLY LOUD.
    S: DME VOLUME SET TO MORE BELIEVABLE LEVEL.

    P: FRICTION LOCKS CAUSE THROTTLE LEVERS TO STICK.
    S: THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE THERE FOR.

    P: IFF INOPERATIVE.
    S: IFF ALWAYS INOPERATIVE IN OFF MODE.

    P: SUSPECTED CRACK IN WINDSHIELD.
    S: SUSPECT YOU'RE RIGHT.

    P: NUMBER 3 ENGINE MISSING.
    S: ENGINE FOUND ON RIGHT WING AFTER BRIEF SEARCH.

    P: AIRCRAFT HANDLES FUNNY
    S: AIRCRAFT WARNED TO STRAIGHTEN UP, FLY RIGHT,AND BE SERIOUS.

    P: TARGET RADAR HUMS.
    S: REPROGRAMMED TARGET RADAR WITH LYRICS.

    P: MOUSE IN COCKPIT.
    S: CAT INSTALLED.

    P: NOISE COMING FROM UNDER INSTRUMENT PANEL.SOUNDS LIKE A MIDGET POUNDING
    ON SOMETHING WITH A HAMMER.
    S: TOOK HAMMER AWAY FROM MIDGET.
     
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  3. jdp1962

    jdp1962 Grumpy Old Moderator
    Staff Member Moderator Team V6 TFSI Owners Group Gold Supporter Team Tornado quattro Audi S4 Black Edition s tronic

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    Sheer Class! Seen it before but who cares? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/MexWave.gif
     
  4. superb /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_2.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_2.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_2.gif
     
  5. bravepilot

    bravepilot Member

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    Class, absolute class!!! Especially for a BravePilot /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/beerchug.gif
     
  6. jaymarwa

    jaymarwa Member

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    Bridgtened up the afternoon and set the scene for the weekend.... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/MexWave.gif
     
  7. Rev-head

    Rev-head Active Member

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    Good one /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif
     
  8. TDI-line

    TDI-line Uber Post Whore
    Team Floret Silver quattro Audi A3 Black Edition TDi

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    Good sense of humour, i like it. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif
     
  9. CJ A4

    CJ A4 Active Member

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    Excellent good indeed /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif
     
  10. neversaydie

    neversaydie Post Whore

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    Liked the last one - great stuff!
     
  11. Last one tickled me as well, as did they all, best one though is

    P: EVIDENCE OF LEAK ON RIGHT MAIN LANDING GEAR.
    S: EVIDENCE REMOVED.

    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif
     
  12. fallmonk

    fallmonk Turbo Sport

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    Class mate . loved it !
     
  13. myzeneye

    myzeneye Member

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    nice....
     
  14. myzeneye

    myzeneye Member

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    fallmonk, who is c.j ???

    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/noidea.gif
     
  15. TDI-line

    TDI-line Uber Post Whore
    Team Floret Silver quattro Audi A3 Black Edition TDi

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  16. hop2407

    hop2407 Active Member

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    Absolutey Mint - Not seen it before.... Well Done Dave, brightened my day up

    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/bravo.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/bravo.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif
     
  17. TDI-line

    TDI-line Uber Post Whore
    Team Floret Silver quattro Audi A3 Black Edition TDi

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    BP, if i looked like that i would be such a whore in the real sense.

    They are /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/swear.gif lovely though.
     

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