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Engineers humour

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by DaveACQ20v, Mar 18, 2005.

  1. DaveACQ20v
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    DaveACQ20v Member

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    [Mar 18, 2005]
    AFTER EVERY FLIGHT, PILOTS FILL OUT A FORM CALLED A GRIPE SHEET, WHICH
    CONVEYS TO THE MECHANICS PROBLEMS ENCOUNTERED WITH THE AIRCRAFT DURING THE
    FLIGHT THAT NEED REPAIR OR CORRECTION.

    THE MECHANICS READ AND CORRECT THE PROBLEM, AND THEN RESPOND IN WRITING ON
    THE LOWER HALF OF THE FORM WHAT REMEDIAL ACTION WAS TAKEN, AND THE PILOT
    REVIEWS THE GRIPE SHEETS BEFORE THE NEXT FLIGHT.

    NEVER LET IT BE SAID THAT GROUND CREWS AND ENGINEERS LACK A SENSE OF
    HUMOUR.

    HERE ARE SOME ACTUAL LOGGED MAINTENANCE COMPLAINTS AND PROBLEMS AS
    SUBMITTED
    BY AMERICAN AIRLINES PILOTS AND THE SOLUTION RECORDED BY MAINTENANCE
    ENGINEERS.


    ( P = THE PROBLEM LOGGED BY THE PILOT.)
    ( S = THE SOLUTION AND ACTION TAKEN BY THE ENGINEERS.)

    P: LEFT INSIDE MAIN TIRE ALMOST NEEDS REPLACEMENT.
    S: ALMOST REPLACED LEFT INSIDE MAIN TYRE.

    P: TEST FLIGHT OK, EXCEPT AUTO-LAND VERY ROUGH.
    S: AUTO-LAND NOT INSTALLED ON THIS AIRCRAFT.

    P: SOMETHING LOOSE IN COCKPIT.
    S: SOMETHING TIGHTENED IN COCKPIT.

    P: DEAD BUGS ON WINDSHIELD.
    S: LIVE BUGS ON BACK-ORDER.

    P: AUTOPILOT IN ALTITUDE-HOLD MODE PRODUCES A 200 FEET PER MINUTE
    DESCENT.
    S: CANNOT REPRODUCE PROBLEM ON GROUND.

    P: EVIDENCE OF LEAK ON RIGHT MAIN LANDING GEAR.
    S: EVIDENCE REMOVED.

    P: DME VOLUME UNBELIEVABLY LOUD.
    S: DME VOLUME SET TO MORE BELIEVABLE LEVEL.

    P: FRICTION LOCKS CAUSE THROTTLE LEVERS TO STICK.
    S: THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE THERE FOR.

    P: IFF INOPERATIVE.
    S: IFF ALWAYS INOPERATIVE IN OFF MODE.

    P: SUSPECTED CRACK IN WINDSHIELD.
    S: SUSPECT YOU'RE RIGHT.

    P: NUMBER 3 ENGINE MISSING.
    S: ENGINE FOUND ON RIGHT WING AFTER BRIEF SEARCH.

    P: AIRCRAFT HANDLES FUNNY
    S: AIRCRAFT WARNED TO STRAIGHTEN UP, FLY RIGHT,AND BE SERIOUS.

    P: TARGET RADAR HUMS.
    S: REPROGRAMMED TARGET RADAR WITH LYRICS.

    P: MOUSE IN COCKPIT.
    S: CAT INSTALLED.

    P: NOISE COMING FROM UNDER INSTRUMENT PANEL.SOUNDS LIKE A MIDGET POUNDING
    ON SOMETHING WITH A HAMMER.
    S: TOOK HAMMER AWAY FROM MIDGET.
    #1
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  3. jdp1962
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    jdp1962 Grumpy Old Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    [Mar 18, 2005]
    Sheer Class! Seen it before but who cares? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/MexWave.gif
    #2
  4. imported_disley
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    imported_disley Guest

    [Mar 18, 2005]
    superb /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_2.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_2.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_2.gif
    #3
  5. bravepilot
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    bravepilot Member

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    [Mar 18, 2005]
    Class, absolute class!!! Especially for a BravePilot /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/beerchug.gif
    #4
  6. jaymarwa
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    jaymarwa Member

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    [Mar 18, 2005]
    Bridgtened up the afternoon and set the scene for the weekend.... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/MexWave.gif
    #5
  7. Rev-head
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    Rev-head Active Member

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    [Mar 18, 2005]
    Good one /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif
    #6
  8. TDI-line
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    TDI-line Uber Post Whore

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    [Mar 18, 2005]
    Good sense of humour, i like it. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif
    #7
  9. CJ A4
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    CJ A4 Active Member

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    [Mar 18, 2005]
    Excellent good indeed /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif
    #8
  10. neversaydie
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    neversaydie Post Whore

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    [Mar 18, 2005]
    Liked the last one - great stuff!
    #9
  11. imported_ashs3
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    imported_ashs3 Guest

    [Mar 18, 2005]
    Last one tickled me as well, as did they all, best one though is

    P: EVIDENCE OF LEAK ON RIGHT MAIN LANDING GEAR.
    S: EVIDENCE REMOVED.

    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif
    #10
  12. fallmonk
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    fallmonk Turbo Sport

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    [Mar 18, 2005]
    Class mate . loved it !
    #11
  13. myzeneye
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    myzeneye Member

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  14. myzeneye
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    myzeneye Member

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    [Mar 23, 2005]
    fallmonk, who is c.j ???

    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/noidea.gif
    #13
  15. TDI-line
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    TDI-line Uber Post Whore

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    [Mar 24, 2005]
    #14
  16. hop2407
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    hop2407 Active Member

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    [Mar 24, 2005]
    Absolutey Mint - Not seen it before.... Well Done Dave, brightened my day up

    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/bravo.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/bravo.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif
    #15
  17. TDI-line
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    TDI-line Uber Post Whore

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    [Mar 24, 2005]
    BP, if i looked like that i would be such a whore in the real sense.

    They are /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/swear.gif lovely though.
    #16

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