A man comes home from the pub absolutely steaming. His wife sees the state of him and says 'If you come home like that ever again I'm leaving you!'. A few days later the bloke is down the pub again, on an all day bender. He gets totally hammered and ends up being sick all down his jacket. 'The wife's gonna kill me when she sees me like this - she'll walk out and I'll never see her again!' he wails. 'Fear not' says his friend, 'I have the solution!'. 'All you do is put a £20 note in your inside pocket and tell her that some other geezer threw up all over you and has given you £20 to cover the cleaning bill - produce the cash and you're sorted!'. So the bloke goes home, sneaks in the front door and hangs his vomit-covered jacket on the post at the bottom of the stairs. Just as he's about to creep up to bed his wife appears from the kitchen shouting 'Look at the state of you - I've warned you about coming home like this, I'm leaving!. The husband then starts to protest his innocence and tells her all about the drunk bloke puking all over him and finishes by saying 'Look in my inside pocket for the £20 if you don't believe me!'. The wife has a look and says 'But there's two £20 notes in here?'. The bloke replies ' Yeah, I know - the other one's from the guy who shat in my pants!!!'