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Car people who knows too much.

Discussion in 'Rants & Raves' started by boggysv, Sep 23, 2009.

  1. boggysv
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    boggysv Member

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    [Sep 23, 2009]
    So I have this female friend who's into cars, well, both she and her bf. The guy is having some limited success in some carpark events (autocross) with his daily use car (a Proton of some sort).

    1) The guy knows EVERYTHING there is to know about cars...i kid you not, there is not a single topic that he would not chime in with his opinions or what he read on the internet.

    2) They think they are "motorsports people" as if it's some sort of elite club where only brave souls like them belong. The last time i took my S3 to the track and decided not to push it all the way (braking slightly early, not revving till the limit, and not hitting the kerbs), they kept giving "advice" on what I should do and how I should drive my car. For fucks sake, it's my car, and I'll drive it the way I want! If I wanted a race/track car I wouldnt be in a porker of an Audi in the first place! When the day ended, his gf came up to me and said "motorsports isnt for pussies, you know?" I almost burst out laughin...please honey, get a clue, or at least get your man to lean a bike knees down first before calling me pussy.

    3) They hang out with a bunch of people who are similar and talk about cars all day long, on why Japanese cars are superior to Continentals in every possible way. If the GTR/Evo/STI had a willy, I would not be surprised to see them offering oral pleasures.

    4) It's no use explaining to them why you got an audi (a decent and nice get-around). They seem to think all that revolves around driving is speed or something out of the fast&furious movie franchise. To be frank, the guy's car aint that fast either.

    5) The girl knows nothing about engineering or the basic simple physical concepts on how/why things work, either in general or automotive related. I find it depressing and funny at the same time that any self proclaimed enthusiast can not grasp the meaning of torque, and the relationship to power and the resultant acceleration of the vehicle. It really ticks me off when they have no idea what they are talking about and her bf decides to "teach" her. E.g.honda engines having "hi-revs but lo-tork" and that's how a proper NA engine should be, or why european engines are 'boring'. Talk about the blind leading the blind.

    6) I've built up a collection of books and magazine on cars and race technology over the years, and have lent them a few. Apparently they are smarter than industry recognized professional race engineers who worked on race cars for all their life.

    7) These alleged motorsports people have no idea what Moton, Penske, Stack, GEMS, Tilton, Pectel, Aurora or the likes do, or why they are superior to the usual consumer based offerings. Oh sweet...I've a KW V2 coilover and it's the best thing in the market I tell you! The car doesnt roll into corners anymore and it FEELs more planted.

    9) When you try to tell them to tone it down a little with the car talk or explain why it's not worth it to corner balance or remove the back seat in their econobox based car, they feel as if you are insulting them.

    Finally, the part I hate most is that they believe they are the only ones in the world who deserve their car because they worked hard, and because of that, they can justify whatever mods they do to it. Nevermind the fact that it's slow, and whatever they do with it will not make it faster. Somehow, they cannot seem to accept the fact that many other younger people can afford nicer cars. Seems like daddy paid for my car and mommy pays for my fuel, so I'm some sort of a brat and will not understand their "passion for motorsports"....oh sweet!



    Not sure why I still hang out with them...must be the girl's wonderful rack and preference for tank-tops I guess.

    *disclaimer, I have no problem with a bunch of guys talking about cars or a little bit of bragging going on, but it becomes annoying when one particular party decides to take center stage.
    #1
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  3. PaulAr
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    PaulAr S3 (8P)

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    [Sep 23, 2009]
    Nice rack in a tank top? cool.
    :sign_pics:
    #2
  4. sidibear
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    sidibear Looking for Zombies !! Staff Member Moderator

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    [Sep 23, 2009]
    I have a mate who loves " motorsport" experts, he listens to them for ages before replying and stopping them dead in their tracks

    He is a former gearbox technician for the test team at Red Bull F1, now working on engine development for Judd.
    #3
  5. jojo
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    jojo S3 Drift King! Staff Member Moderator

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    [Sep 23, 2009]
    I like these characters, but there's always a point when you've had enough right? Just nod away to everything they have to say until they get bored - if that's at all possible. :)
    #4
  6. Nilz
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    Nilz Defo worth the wait :)

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    [Sep 23, 2009]
    Haha, if you cant talk the TORQUE!!! ;)

    Like what i did there :cool:
    #5
  7. HotboxDeluxe
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    HotboxDeluxe automatic

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    [Sep 23, 2009]
    Hmm, a swift kick in the lady garden would have been an appropriate response. :happy:

    You can sum all that up in one word, and that word is "ricers", and then sigh...

    A Proton. Jesus wept :tumble:
    #6
  8. golf
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    golf ***** rent boy VCDS Map User

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    [Sep 23, 2009]
    Burn their house down while they sleep. :icon_thumright:
    #7
  9. MintyS3
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    MintyS3 Works 60% the time, Everytime.

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    [Sep 23, 2009]
    Last know-all I had lecture me got an ear full after I got tired of the continous stream of bs that cam from his mouth each day. He toned it down after that.
    #8
  10. NHN
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    NHN Retrofitter - Audi - VW - Skoda - Seat Site Sponsor VCDS Map User

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    [Sep 23, 2009]
    Yes a number of us on here know exactly that feeling atm with 1 party in particular

    Did I miss something here, is the proton the new scooby, cause cant see how they can possibly comment on your car without having something that is at least capable of beating a granny buggy round the track, lol
    #9
  11. NHN
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    NHN Retrofitter - Audi - VW - Skoda - Seat Site Sponsor VCDS Map User

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    [Sep 23, 2009]
    lmfao
    #10
  12. Ash B
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    Ash B Well-Known Member

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    [Sep 23, 2009]
    I did actually laugh when i saw this post :lmfao:
    #11
  13. unkle
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    unkle Beer God

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    [Sep 27, 2009]
    Your only hanging around with her incase theres a sniff of punani but honestly, she drives a Proton is it worth it? :)
    #12
  14. Wai-Fan
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    Wai-Fan Member

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    [Sep 27, 2009]
    I know some people like that and I just smile and nod :yes:

    If they think they know everything, then I just pretend their right, even if their wayyyy offf.
    #13
  15. boggysv
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    boggysv Member

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    [Oct 6, 2009]
    I've been trying to avoid the them, but they wont leave me alone it seems!!!

    So I ordered an Aprilia RS125 late last month and she got to know about it. After asking the price, she kept commenting that I got a steal of the century and how it was dirt cheap. Okay honey, everybody knows you are the bike specialist, and the Aprilia is the most economical 125 you can get in the market. Or maybe I should have used the money and get a shitty proton like your man with change to spare?

    And last weekend, I went for a private trackday which imho is a steal. I paid the equivalent of 45gbp for 3X half hour sessions on Sepang half track. For those who do not know, Sepang is the F1 circuit used for the Malaysian GP. There were only 15 participants in my group, sharing a 2.6km circuit....tell me that isnt as good as it gets.

    Fwiw, an open track day might cost around 36gbp for 3 hours on the full track, but with 80 cars on the full 5.5km track, every now and then some overly enthusiastic chap would spin out, breakdown, or come hit you. I'd like to see his proton survive half an hour of continuous track driving as well.

    Anyways, I didnt bother to let them know to shut their trap, all went smoothly and just last night she messaged me, asking how was the event?

    Giving her the benefit of the doubt that she's just being friendly, so I said I had fun. Then she just went on and on about how it's a total waste of money because it's only half track, how it's not that challenging on the driver, and how it's not worth it to have only 1.5hrs of driving time, and even had the cheek to offer her bf to come "teach" me how to drive!!!
    #14
  16. HotboxDeluxe
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    HotboxDeluxe automatic

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    [Oct 6, 2009]
    Offer to teach her boyfriend how to shag her properly, maybe she'll shut up :happy:
    #15
  17. jojo
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    jojo S3 Drift King! Staff Member Moderator

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    [Oct 6, 2009]
    OK, it become a bit more clear now, you are in Malaysia, and everyone there has a Proton! lol

    Don't be fooled by the exterior though, a lot of them have 2.0 Turbo engines under the bonnet, as they are essentially a Mitsubishi Lancer, and can use all parts from the Lancer Evo 1/2/3 series.

    Also, 45gbp may not sound much to us in Blighty, but it's a lot of money over there!
    #16
  18. SmoothAssault
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    SmoothAssault Will design for mods

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    [Oct 6, 2009]
    Haha! Spot on mate. :icon_thumright:
    #17
  19. sam80quattro
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    sam80quattro Member

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    [Oct 6, 2009]
    lol i get same **** all the time, the most irrotating are the people with there cars lowered on the bumpstops with no suspension travel what so ever........"it handles like a go-kart best handling car ever bla bla bla".......... and i reply with...."are you still talking?" lol but yeah gag her and shag her and beat him senseless
    #18
  20. Nutkin
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    Nutkin Member

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    [Oct 6, 2009]
    Meh just shout at them AUUUUUDDII EFF TEEE DOUBLE UUUU


    :)

    Counter their ignorance with childish comments.

    My Audis better just because.

    They will soo be ass irritated as you are.
    #19
  21. boggysv
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    boggysv Member

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    [Oct 7, 2009]
    She just might take up the offer. I've always had the feeling that her twig lookalike bf dont have what it takes to satisfy her, which is why he needs to compensate with bragging.

    There's no better way to teach than a proper demonstration session for that:jump:


    No worries, his car is slow, I can assure you that.

    As for the evo engined protons, some of my friends are pushing 300 FRONT wheel hp on their protons, but it's close to undrivable on street tires and an open front diff. Add a little rain and they'll cry like a little girl when you pull away from corners. Give them a straight road though, and they'll take off like a bat out of hell, but only up to a certain unmentionable speed before the whole car rattles and some parts fly off.

    45gbp is not a small sum here, but compared to an open track day (10gbp less), it's totally worth it.
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  22. HotboxDeluxe
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    HotboxDeluxe automatic

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    [Oct 8, 2009]
    Be sure to cause her some pain :eyebrows: then she may think twice about calling people a pussy :whip::whip::whip:
    #21
  23. Spaceylala
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    Spaceylala New Member

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    [Oct 11, 2009]
    hmmm I like my motorsport but do not go off on other peoples driving (yeah ok except maybe other half's when he drives like a muppet - but he does the same to me so fairs fair!!!!) but ffs what is this girl on!!!!!!!!!!!! just out of curiosity can she even drive???? and for your own sanity do not shag her just ask her boyfriend how he gets off with a chick that has the fny the size of a big bore exhaust!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    #22
  24. crazy88
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    crazy88 Loving the anonymity

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    [Dec 8, 2009]
    Up until that line I honestly thought this thread was about something entirely different. Need I say anything more than 'Dogging' haha

    :blackrs4:
    #23
  25. A3Tom
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    A3Tom Smell my finger.

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    [Dec 8, 2009]
    I know a few people that think they know a lot about cars but they dont.

    When I rebuilt my beetle I used to get endless comments about how a "Porsche engine drops right in there mate". No it doesnt you turd, now go away.

    There's a lad at work thats convinced my car is a 2.0 and not a 1.8T......sigh.
    #24
  26. crazy88
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    crazy88 Loving the anonymity

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    [Dec 8, 2009]
    That actually made me do a proper laugh, and now everyone in the office thinks i'm odd.
    #25
  27. A3Tom
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    A3Tom Smell my finger.

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    [Dec 8, 2009]

    Its always the same. Some anorak wearing a faded 'British Grand Prix 1993' t-shirt (so he must the be f*cking oracle) swaggers up and proceeds to tell you how you should:

    A) Restore your own car
    and
    B) Tell you a 911 engine fits right in because Jamie 'brwuvva' Oliver has one in his camper.

    Yes you can put them in but they certainly dont just 'drop straight in' as per the myth. My mate built that balloon lipped lisping luddite Olivers van and it certainly didnt 'drop straight in'.

    If I had a spare £7K i might have thought about doing it. :shrug:

    Piss off you tube!. :mad:

    T
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2009
    #26
  28. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    [Dec 8, 2009]
    I have been told this countless times. And yet, no matter how often I hear i it makes me laugh. I have to then explain to people that I happen to be a Microsoft qualified Computer Network Engineer, and that's why I potter about in a nice car, not because Mum and Dad buy me everything. Typical stereotype!

    I LOVE boobs :)sign_pics:?). What can I say? :o.k:
    #27
  29. crazy88
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    crazy88 Loving the anonymity

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    [Dec 8, 2009]
    I'll 2nd that!!! :sign_pics:Or it didn't happen :p
    #28
  30. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    [Dec 8, 2009]
    Tell you what....

    This should be the plan... Give her a portion, secretly film it, and post it on RedTube. Then tell her bloke that unless the pair of them shut the f**k up, you'll leave it there until hell freezes over, or some other suitable amount of time....
    #29
  31. crazy88
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    crazy88 Loving the anonymity

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    [Dec 8, 2009]
    Once it's on the web it's there forever, which is why I like this plan so much! :superman: How could it go wrong? But what is RedTube? :whistle2:
    #30
  32. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    [Dec 8, 2009]
    This I believe.....*cough*

    [​IMG]
    #31
  33. crazy88
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    crazy88 Loving the anonymity

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    [Dec 8, 2009]
    Ahhh, so why was my friend so embarrased when his yr9 maths class put RedTube up on the class projector as he had his back turned? (I think he was flapping over nothing personally)
    #32
  34. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    [Dec 8, 2009]
    :sign_ot:


    Now that makes me long for the days of school pranks, and smoking in the toilets.

    Pranks like the above never get old.

    I swapped the keyboard and mouse plugs over when in IT many moons ago (They were PS2 connectors, not USB). They look the same, and fit, but just don't work. At a glance all is well. It totally baffled him, and we got a free lesson.

    Then some ****er grassed me up! :aggressive:

    Funny none the less....
    #33
  35. crazy88
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    crazy88 Loving the anonymity

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    [Dec 8, 2009]
    That's a good prank. I miss school, it was all fun and games!

    Yeah, I admit a bad run of off-topic there, sorry! But I still think your idea is the best...give her a portion, and run! :sex:
    #34
  36. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    [Dec 8, 2009]
    Agreed. Let my mind wander a little bit :keule:
    #35
  37. boggysv
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    boggysv Member

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    [Jan 26, 2010]
    Lol...had to revive this thread.

    So I was chatting up boobie girl again (not for cars, but just finding an excuse to talk to chicks), and behold! she got herself a Nissan S15.

    I'll usually be glad if any friend of mine got a sweet car like that, but this couple is just over the top. For the last few hours all I hear is how awesomely wonderful is the S15 and how huge is Mr Nissan's schlong is for creating such a perfect driving machine. The way they describe would almost make you think Nissan engineers **** chocolates and fart perfume.

    Then, we got onto the topic of karts. With me being stupid and wanting to watch her squeeze into a kart bucket, I invited them to come play with a few of my friends. Sure enough, this couple went on to blabber about how great they are with karts, how to properly drive a kart and the whole shebang. At this point, I've had enough, so I just said "maybe it's not such a good idea for you to join us" . My usual karting buddies include a mix of professional drivers, magazine editors, accountants, and even people who cant drive but just want to have fun.

    They were pissed when I said we wouldn't be interested in driving with them, and even dared us to race and have the loser pay.

    I laughed, thinking how silly it is to take fun-karts seriously, and tried to tell her to tone it down a little and not make this look like a scene in The Fast and Furious movie. I tried to explained to her how different each rental kart can be and why it's stupid for me to race her (I'm 75kg, she's a malnourished midget at 45kg, and we are playing 80cc fourstroke fun karts). At this point, her boyfriend steps in and proclaims that I'm a pussy for not racing them, and wish that I have fun "cruising on track".

    So now, we have it, two self-obsessed twats who either

    1) think they are the great senna reincarnated
    2) think funkarts are measurable quantifiers of driving skills
    3) are cheapskates who wishes that someone else in our group to pay for their game


    I was amused that they really took it seriously and put up such phrases on their MSN as well.
    Yes, both of them with the fancy quotes.
    [​IMG]

    Fwiw, I'm all for the improvement of driving skills and karting, but to race rented karts and impose financial terms on total strangers? you must be kidding me.

    <the end>, yes, I have too much time on my hands, and this is keeping me awake..
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2010
    #36
  38. jojo
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    jojo S3 Drift King! Staff Member Moderator

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  39. Keeno
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    Keeno Spooly Spooly Boosty Boosty!

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    [Jan 26, 2010]
    Call their bluff...
    #38

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