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Best Short Joke Award

Discussion in 'Jokes, Games & Humour' started by jdp1962, Aug 21, 2006.

  1. A11 EAF

    A11 EAF Member

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    I stand corrected said the man in the orthopeadic shoe.......
     
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  3. Randomjim

    Randomjim Active Member

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    What do you call a hundred nuns in a shop?


    Virgin megastore
     
  4. aq965

    aq965 fo'rum abuser

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    why do women call it pms?????

    cos bse was taken
     
  5. Randomjim

    Randomjim Active Member

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    What do you call sandpaper in afghanistan?

    A map
     
  6. MarcA3Turbo

    MarcA3Turbo Member

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    Whats pink and hard?

    A pig with a flickknife.
     
  7. OutLore

    OutLore VOIP Dude

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    What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your trousers?
    :
    :
    ::
    :
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    your mum.
     
  8. raymie

    raymie 6 pot AP

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    bought viagra the other day form ma mate down the pub, went home swallowed it, got stuck in my throat and i was up all nite with a stiff neck
     
  9. rich dj

    rich dj Member

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    A Perfect man and a Perfect woman and farther christmas were standing in a lift

    there was a ten pound note on the floor who picks it up.



    The man of course the others dont exist.......




    (ok apart from my wife)
     
  10. noodle

    noodle Member

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    bloke walks into a bar with a lump of tarmac under one arm - "one for me and one for the road"

    I thankyou..
     
  11. bravepilot

    bravepilot Member

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    OMG that is awful!!! Still made me smile though
     
  12. DAMO1.9TDI

    DAMO1.9TDI 130BHP+,A4+ K & N Filter, Tuning Box.

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    Whats pink and fluffy?
















    Pink Fluff, of course:hubbahubba:
     
  13. Randomjim

    Randomjim Active Member

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    :tumble:
     
  14. DAMO1.9TDI

    DAMO1.9TDI 130BHP+,A4+ K & N Filter, Tuning Box.

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    its all i got, sorry.:nunu: :shrug:
     
  15. Randomjim

    Randomjim Active Member

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    What bees make milk?











    Booo-bees


    (i know, no better)
     
  16. DAMO1.9TDI

    DAMO1.9TDI 130BHP+,A4+ K & N Filter, Tuning Box.

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    I tought mine was bad.:gaehn:
     
  17. Randomjim

    Randomjim Active Member

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    it was :moa:
     
  18. smee

    smee Member

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    Whats brown and smelly and comes out of the back of cows?





    The Isle of Wight ferry!
     
  19. Granny

    Granny Member

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    An icecream man was found dead in his van covered in hundreds and thousands and smothered in strawberry sauce... Police say he topped himself.
     
  20. silver75

    silver75 Big Ron

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    A little boy asked his father,
    "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
    Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

    A young son asked,
    "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
    a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
    Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

    :whip:



     
  21. Granny

    Granny Member

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    Bloke goes to the doctor's "Doc, I've got a strawberry stuck up my Arse".

    "No problem, I've got some cream you can put on it"

    :doctor:
     
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  23. L1 HCS

    L1 HCS Active Member

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    :thumbsup::lmfao:
     
  24. icenutter

    icenutter Member

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    Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?




    He had to work it out with a pencil.
     
  25. smilne

    smilne New Member

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    What kind of Bee's make milk???

    boobies!!!
     
  26. filipharvey

    filipharvey Amusing Tagline

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    Deja Vu????
     
  27. garratt83

    garratt83 Member

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    A women with no legs goes strawberry picking













    Jammy C*nt
     
  28. smitch

    smitch Active Member

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    Man goes to the doctor and says 'doctor i can't stop singing Delila'.

    The doctor says 'aah, seems to me like you've got a case of Tom Jones syndrome'

    The man says 'is it common?'

    The doc says 'it's not unusual'
     
  29. silver75

    silver75 Big Ron

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    Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something,. We have a case of gonorrhea ithe convent."
    "Thank God", said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of the chardonay"
     
  30. silver75

    silver75 Big Ron

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    One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
    So he tied her up and went golfing.
     
  31. silver75

    silver75 Big Ron

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    woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
    pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
    The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
     
  32. silver75

    silver75 Big Ron

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    BUMP

    What's the first sign of madness?








    Suggs walking up your driveway.
     
  33. Shades

    Shades Member

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    A white horse walks into a bar, the barman says "We've got a drink named after you", the horse replies "What? Kevin?"
     
  34. smee

    smee Member

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    Why did the one eyed chicken cross the road?




    To get to the Birds Eye shop!
     
  35. Hotscar

    Hotscar Four Wheel Drifting

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    How do you confuse a muppet?

    7
     
  36. alipaton

    alipaton Member

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    What's the fastest cake in the world? A Scone :w00t:
     
  37. alipaton

    alipaton Member

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    What do a washing machine and a woman have in common?
    They both leak when they're f@;#ed
     
  38. MikeS4

    MikeS4 MikeS4

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    Whats the difference between a woman & a washing machine......

    a washing machine won't keep calling & texting you after you've dumped your load in it.
     
  39. silver75

    silver75 Big Ron

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    Whats the difference between groping Kylie and driving a Lada?



    You feel a right tit driving a Lada.
     
  40. simch

    simch Active Member

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    Hunchback of Notre Dame walks into a pub.
    HBND:"I'll have a whisky"?
    Barman: "Bells alright?"
    HBND: "mind your own fxxkin business!"

    'ere all week!
     
  41. simonwjones

    simonwjones Member

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    Whats dead and comes in yellow bags?




















    John Lennon
     
  42. Caesium

    Caesium My BM is fixed!
    VCDS Map User

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    Excellent!
     

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