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Being Scottish

Discussion in 'Jokes, Games & Humour' started by a4_23, Feb 15, 2007.

  1. a4_23

    a4_23 sleeper hatch

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    Being Scottish is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

    And the most Scottish thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

    Only in Scotland can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

    Only in Scotland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

    Only in Scoland do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

    Only in Scotland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

    Only in Scotland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

    Only in Scotland do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

    Only in Scotland are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

    NOT TO MENTION..

    3 Scots die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

    142 Scots were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

    58 Scots are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

    31 Scots have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

    19 Scots have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

    Scottish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

    18 Scots had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

    A massive 543 Scots were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

    5 Scots were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

    and finally...

    In 2000 eight Scots were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.:arco:




    (its funny but all so true)
     
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  3. ChriS3

    ChriS3 hud at ye bam

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    An oldie, but a goodie. (not quite true unfortunately). I think the original version was about the British in general.
     
  4. Beerzo

    Beerzo Masa'warty 3200... Talk To Me!

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    Hey I am Scottish and proud no other nationality I would rather be!!!!!

    You missed only in Scotland do Chip Shops deep fry pretty much anything you want!!!! Deep fried Mars Bar mmmmmmm!!!!!!! Yet another Scottish invention that revolutionised the Whole World!!!!
     
  5. 28v6

    28v6 Guest

  6. doeboy

    doeboy Member

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    I thought You scots didn't get on with the Aussies even though you lot talk the same and live a few miles apart over sea!
     
  7. a4_23

    a4_23 sleeper hatch

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    oh forgot to mention that i'm scottish and proud of it:arco:
     
  8. 28v6

    28v6 Guest


    Aye Mon! We're all "green" up here and the "National name" like e.g "Smith/Jones" is Ogre, pronounced "O..G...R..E..E..E" A and all the males have quarterpounders under their Kilts.... Falllmonk Ogree (Owner of the Millenium "Ogre" Falcon - Fastest Black thing this side O' ..The Campsies!) has the biggest ...errr Kilt! Of them all...;)
    Seeing as we live in the land of "Far Far Away";)

    :o.k:
     

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