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B & Q JOB APPLICATION

Discussion in 'Jokes, Games & Humour' started by Rev-head, Nov 25, 2006.

  1. Rev-head
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    Rev-head Active Member

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    [Nov 25, 2006]


    This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75 year old pensioner
    submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.
    They hired him because he was so funny.....


    NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

    SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
    will cooperate)

    DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But
    seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
    wouldn't be applying in the first place – would I?

    DESIRED SALARY: £150,,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style
    redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
    haggle.

    EDUCATION: Yes.

    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

    PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
    post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a **** job.

    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more
    intimate environment.

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
    TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do
    you have a car that runs?"

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
    winner of the Reader’s Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell
    me.

    DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
    On my breaks - yes!

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with
    a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing
    since sliced bread.
    Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

    NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
    KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely

    #1
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  3. 28v6
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    28v6 Guest

    [Nov 25, 2006]
    Now Rev, Your really trying to hard to match my "Chilli Beard"..:rolleyes: :o.k: :eiertritt:
    #2
  4. A4shqwn
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    A4shqwn New Member

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    [Nov 27, 2006]
    :) good one that
    #3
  5. BIGJJS
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    BIGJJS Member

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    [Nov 27, 2006]
    lol good one
    #4
  6. god_thats_quick
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    god_thats_quick Numptie of the highest order

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  7. maxlbrown
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    maxlbrown Deep Blue

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    [Nov 30, 2006]
    seen this before but it was for a spotty geek for Mcdonalds
    #6

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