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Aussie tourists Q&A

Discussion in 'Jokes, Games & Humour' started by tankdriver, Nov 27, 2007.

  1. tankdriver

    tankdriver New Member

    Aug 27, 2007
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    Australian tourist Q&A
    The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors.
    They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
    Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
    Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
    Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks Sweden)?
    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
    Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
    A: What did your last slave die of?
    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
    Australia? (USA)
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
    Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
    ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
    Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get
    here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
    A: You are a British politician, right?
    Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
    Milk is illegal.

    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can
    Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
    All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
    make good pets.
    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
    Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
    population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    A: Yes, gay night clubs.
    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
    A: Only at Christmas.
    Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the
    Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help?
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
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  3. karl7900

    karl7900 Active Member

    Nov 5, 2006
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    :icon_thumright: :jester:
  4. simch

    simch Active Member

    Feb 22, 2004
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    A guy I know went to Oz with his work (motorsport). He's a supersticious guy and a catholic too, and was horified when he arrived that he had either lost or forgotten his silver necklass and crucifix.
    So after settling in to hotel went to local classy jewelers recommended by the hotel, told the guy there he wanted a silver necklass and crucifix.....
    //Strong ozzy accent..///
    "sure, mate, you want a plain one or one with a liddle min on it.........!??"

    He just could not help smiling and grining for the rest of the transaction!!
  5. TDI-line

    TDI-line Uber Post Whore

    Oct 14, 2004
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