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ASN's Pub

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by ScottD3, Feb 17, 2011.

  1. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    OK, say no more.... :whistle2:
  2. Dane
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    Dane Faster than a V12 Q7

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  3. mikeyg
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    mikeyg Member

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    Me?? Never!! Was a little bored at work so was having a laugh!
  4. ScottD3
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    ScottD3 I want your faulty electronics

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    PICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  5. crazy88
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    crazy88 Loving the anonymity

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    Mikey, your avatar cracks me up every time I see it.
  6. Westy
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    Westy Double Dark Side! Diesel & 8P

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    Yeah it's a classic.
  7. mikeyg
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    mikeyg Member

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    It made me chickle lots when i first saw it,so had to use it!

    Is there an easier way to post a pic ratehr than uploading to photobucket or something first?
  8. Westy
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    Westy Double Dark Side! Diesel & 8P

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    Nope photobucket is the best. Get them pics up my son ;)
  9. ScottD3
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    ScottD3 I want your faulty electronics

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    If you got tapatalk on your phone you can use their hosting, thats easy.
  10. mikeyg
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    mikeyg Member

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    [​IMG]
    Ads likes this.
  11. ScottD3
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    ScottD3 I want your faulty electronics

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    New perv
    Florence Brudenell-Bruce

    [​IMG]
  12. Dane
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    Dane Faster than a V12 Q7

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  13. Westy
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    Westy Double Dark Side! Diesel & 8P

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    Scott that bird looks about 14!
  14. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    Now that would do a turn.... hehehe.

    Do I dare post my pic twice? :-S
  15. Westy
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    Westy Double Dark Side! Diesel & 8P

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    Man up!
  16. ScottD3
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    ScottD3 I want your faulty electronics

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    Does a bit.
    shes dating prince Harry.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Better?
  17. Westy
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    Westy Double Dark Side! Diesel & 8P

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    It's gone very quiet in here!

    Has everyone gone to beat the meat???
  18. Westy
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    Westy Double Dark Side! Diesel & 8P

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    Much Better Scott.

    I'm off to beat the meat :)
  19. ScottD3
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    ScottD3 I want your faulty electronics

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    Nope.
    I've got chilly sauce and powder over my hands.
    So thats not going any where near my 3rd leg.

    I'm reading up on camper van wiring.
  20. Westy
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    Westy Double Dark Side! Diesel & 8P

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    Everyone else must be having a shifty then!
  21. Dane
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    Dane Faster than a V12 Q7

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  22. ScottD3
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    ScottD3 I want your faulty electronics

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    yeah,
    Its not like Mikey works or welly.
    Unless Welly is off getting some pics of that fit bird in his office.
  23. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    Same. Although I do only plan to do 2 things today, totalling about an hours work.
  24. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    I need to wait for her to visit the coffee machine..... lol.
  25. Westy
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    Westy Double Dark Side! Diesel & 8P

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    Me too but I'm good at mulititasking ;)
  26. Ads
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    Ads License to drive

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    I just went for my 10am dump. Was a bit late today.
  27. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    Good skills. Turning out a load at work is a win, saves on bog roll at home :)
  28. Dane
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    Dane Faster than a V12 Q7

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    Me 2!

    usually a 10 past 9er myself lol
  29. Ads
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    Ads License to drive

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    :lmfao:

    Although a lot of my bog roll at home is actually nicked from work. :eyebrows:
  30. Westy
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    Westy Double Dark Side! Diesel & 8P

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    Have you boys seen the "salary Timer"? You enter in how much you earn a year and then you press a button on it when you go for a Brad Pitt then press the button when you get back and it tells you how much you've just earnt for having a poo at work ;)

    I think my best was about £6 odd :)
  31. Westy
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    Westy Double Dark Side! Diesel & 8P

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    We trolley jack the cleaners here. As soon as the cleaner goes into the bogs he leaves his trolley outside. One of us keeps watch while the other nicks the bog roll.
  32. Ads
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    Ads License to drive

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    :laugh:

    Thing is... I know our receptionist knows I'm off to release a turd (and she knows that I know she knows) because I have to walk directly past her to get to the bogs. Everyday the same time, and I'm gone for about 10-15mins.
    Sometimes I have my phone in my hand to make it look like I'm going to make a phonecall. Other times I just give her a knowing smile.
  33. Ads
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    Ads License to drive

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    Whilst we are talking sh1t.......... can have you all seen that sh1t list joke thing???

    It's an oldie but a goodie.
  34. Ads
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    Ads License to drive

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    [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE DEFINITIVE **** LIST[/FONT]

    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE GHOST ****

      [/FONT]
      [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino] The kind where you feel **** come out, see **** on the toilet paper, but there's no **** in the bowl.[/FONT]


    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE CLEAN ****

      [/FONT]
      [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino] The kind where you feel **** come out, see **** in the bowl, but there's no **** on the toilet paper.[/FONT]


    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE WET ****

      [/FONT]
      [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino] You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels un-wiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with skidmarks.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE SECOND WAVE ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      This **** happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to **** some more.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE BRAIN HEMORRHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead ****." You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE CORN ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      No explanation necessary.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE LINCOLN LOG ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      The kind of **** that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE NOTORIOUS DRINKER ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      The kind of **** you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD ****" ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      The kind where you want to ****, but even after straining your guts out, all you do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
      [/FONT]


    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE WET CHEEKS ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      Also known as the "Power Dump." The kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE LIQUID ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, burns your tender poop-chute.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE MEXICAN FOOD ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      A class all its own.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE CROWD PLEASER[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      A **** is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE MOOD ENHANCER[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      Occurring after a lengthy period of constipation, this **** allows you to be your old self again.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE RITUAL[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      This **** occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      A **** so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE AFTERSHOCK ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      This **** has an odor so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      Any **** created in the presence of another person.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE GROANER[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      A **** so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE FLOATER[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      Characterized by its floatability, this **** has been known to resurface after many flushings.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE RANGER[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      A **** that refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a piece of toilet paper.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE PHANTOM ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      Appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE PEEK-A-BOO ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      Now you see it, now you don't. This **** is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE BOMBSHELL[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      A **** that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either Inappropriate to **** (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near ****ting facilities.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE SNAKE CHARMER[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      A long skinny **** which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position... Usually harmless.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE OLYMPIC ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      Occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's ****.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE BACK-TO-NATURE ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      This **** may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually can't ****.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]PREMEDITATED ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      Laxative induced. Doesn't count.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]****ZOPHRENIA[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      Fear of ****ting. Can be fatal! [Editor's note: shouldn't it be "****zophobia"?]

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]ENERGIZER vs. DURACELL ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      Also known as a "Still Going" ****.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE POWER DUMP ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      The kind that comes out so fast, you've barely got your pants down and you're done.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE LIQUID PLUMBER ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      This **** is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log ****.)

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE SPINAL TAP ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      The kind of **** that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE" ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap ****s. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE PORRIDGE ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      Also sometimes known as The Toxic Dump. Of course, you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.

      [/FONT]
    • [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" ****[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, Palatino]

      You sit there patiently, waiting for the last cling-on to fall because if you wipe now, it's just going to smear all over the place.[/FONT]
  35. ScottD3
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    ScottD3 I want your faulty electronics

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    you got better bog roll than us then.
    I think ours is made from recycled tracing paper.
  36. ScottD3
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    ScottD3 I want your faulty electronics

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    Read that sh1t joke post but do in a Richard Pryor voice/style.
  37. Ads
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    Ads License to drive

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    Haha, yeah I remember the tracing paper bog roll. We used to have it a school. No absorbtion properties at all, it just smears sh1t all over your ass cheeks! :laugh:
  38. ScottD3
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    ScottD3 I want your faulty electronics

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    Possibly the only time wedgies ever became usefull.
  39. Dane
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    Dane Faster than a V12 Q7

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    On a different note, does anyone else read most new threads that are started or just the ones with interesting titles?

    Loads of people asking the same day old questions recently/not doing things off their own back. grr!
  40. Westy
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    Westy Double Dark Side! Diesel & 8P

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    I used to reply to most threads but I'm fed up of answering questions about remaps and DVs :(

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