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Asda

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by necroeire, Mar 29, 2006.

  1. necroeire
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    necroeire Active Member

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    [Mar 29, 2006]
    One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack said to Mike behind
    him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor."
    "Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replied. "There's
    a diagnostic computer at Asda. Just give it a urine sample and the
    computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It
    takes ten seconds and only costs five pounds.....a lot quicker and better
    than a doctor".

    So Jack collected a urine sample in a small jar and took it to
    Asda. He deposited five pounds, and the computer lit up and asked
    for the urine sample. He poured the sample into the slot and waited.. Ten
    seconds later, the computer ejected a printout:

    "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid
    heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks".

    That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was,
    Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed
    some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from
    his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good
    measure.

    Jack hurried back to Asda, eager to check what would happen.

    He deposited five pounds, poured in his concoction, and waited for
    the results.
    The computer printed the following:
    1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
    2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
    3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
    4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
    5. And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will
    never get better...........thank you for shopping at Asda.
    #1
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  3. beaker
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    beaker Member

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    [Mar 29, 2006]
    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif
    #2
  4. TDI-line
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    TDI-line Uber Post Whore

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    [Mar 30, 2006]
    Pretty goood. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh_2.gif
    #3
  5. easytease
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    easytease cheesypeas

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    [Mar 30, 2006]
    old, but very good
    #4
  6. The Slug
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    The Slug Active Member VCDS Map User

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    [Mar 30, 2006]
    Very good! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif


    Try this at asda, get your your coc k out on the checkout counter and say roll that fukkkker back then
    #5
  7. neversaydie
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    neversaydie Post Whore

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    [Mar 30, 2006]
    Sweet
    #6
  8. Soupie69uk
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    Soupie69uk Owner

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    [Mar 30, 2006]
    Very good.
    #7
  9. hop2407
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    hop2407 Active Member

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    [Mar 30, 2006]
    Very Good
    #8
  10. W8 Performance
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    W8 Performance Member

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    [Mar 30, 2006]
    [ QUOTE ]
    Very good! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif


    Try this at asda, get your your coc k out on the checkout counter and say roll that fukkkker back then

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Quality! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif
    #9

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