One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack said to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor." "Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replied. "There's a diagnostic computer at Asda. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five pounds.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor". So Jack collected a urine sample in a small jar and took it to Asda. He deposited five pounds, and the computer lit up and asked for the urine sample. He poured the sample into the slot and waited.. Ten seconds later, the computer ejected a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks". That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurried back to Asda, eager to check what would happen. He deposited five pounds, poured in his concoction, and waited for the results. The computer printed the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better...........thank you for shopping at Asda.