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A few jokes....

Discussion in 'Jokes, Games & Humour' started by SnoopS3, Jul 22, 2008.

  1. SnoopS3

    SnoopS3 You cant beat German

    Joined:
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    I keep having my profile on that dating website 'Match.com' rejected.

    One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?'.

    Apparently 'my c*ck' is not an acceptable answer.


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    A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got one
    minute to get out!'

    The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you c*nt!'


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    why are women like clouds? eventually they f*ck off
    and its a really
    nice day


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    Whats the difference between light and hard?

    You can sleep with a light on.


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    A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I
    please have a KitKat
    Chunky?'

    The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky
    and brings it back to
    him.

    'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal KitKat, you
    fat b*tch.'


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    My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought
    me one of these mood
    rings so she could monitor my mood.

    We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it
    turns green and, when I
    am in a bad mood, it leaves a big f*cking red mark
    on her forehead.


    ----------------------------------------------------------------------


    I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to
    me and asked to
    check her balance.
    So I pushed her over.



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    Zebo, a half blind five year old south african
    orphan, has to ride 7
    miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle
    with buckled wheels
    and no brakes. Give just a small donation of 2 dollars
    and we'll send you
    the video, it's f*cking hilarious....


    ----------------------------------------------------------------------


    I had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate
    habit of eating shuttlecocks.

    Bad minton.


    ----------------------------------------------------------------------


    Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My
    mother-in-law is an
    angel'. His mate replies 'You're so f*cking lucky...
    Mine is still
    alive...'



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    A man goes into a library and asks for a book on
    suicide.
    The librarian says; 'F*ck off, you won't bring it
    back.'


    ----------------------------------------------------------------------


    2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco
    Machine. He lasts over
    10 minutes.
    'Crikey mate, that was impressive!'

    'I get lots of practice' Replied the other guy. 'My
    Wife's epileptic'
     
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  3. Andy D

    Andy D Member

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    :tumble: (Andy D's wife)just not my cup of tea not a prude or anything just didnt find them funny sorry mate

    (Andy D) lol, sorry my wife just a moany git at times and can be a bit of a man hater depending on the time of the month etc,:whip: for what it's worth I liked them!:applaus:
     
  4. quattrojames

    quattrojames Moderator
    Staff Member Moderator Audi A6 Audi Avant Owner Group

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    I raised a smile for what its worth ...
     
  5. ALPINE

    ALPINE Yes its diesel, now cry u lost

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    wtf.. i thought they were funny!! specially the last 1!!
     
  6. Nilz

    Nilz Defo worth the wait :)
    Team Silver Audi Sport Owner Group Audi S3

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    Pretty decent!!!
     
  7. ALPINE

    ALPINE Yes its diesel, now cry u lost

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    still... weeks on... and that bad minton 1 cracks me up to tears! its not even funny!
     

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