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40 Things You'd Like to Say Out Loud at Work

Discussion in 'Jokes, Games & Humour' started by Welly, Jul 23, 2010.

  1. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    We've all seen it before, but thought it was times for it to do the rounds again....

    1 I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.

    2 I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

    3 How about never? Is never good for you?

    4 I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

    5 I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

    6 I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

    7 I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

    8 I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

    9 It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.

    10 Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

    11 I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

    12 You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

    13 I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

    14 I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

    15 I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

    16 Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

    17 The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

    18 Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

    19 What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

    20 I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

    21 It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

    22 Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

    23 And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

    24 Do I look like a people person?

    25 This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

    26 I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

    27 Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

    28 If I throw a stick, will you leave?

    29 Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

    30 Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

    31 I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

    32 A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

    33 Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

    34 Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

    35 Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

    36 Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.

    37 How do I set a laser printer to stun?

    38 I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.

    39 Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

    40 Oh I get it... like humour... but different.
    #1
  2. crazy88
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    crazy88 Loving the anonymity

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    haha, we've all got one of those birds in the office. Perfume should be for going out in the evening, and not for work or it just loses its magic!!
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  3. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    I like to call them 'The Office Slapper'...
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  4. crazy88
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    crazy88 Loving the anonymity

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    Indeed so! Too ugly for just makeup alone, so they need perfume to cover up that slapperish fishy smell...mmm
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  5. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    Nice..... LOL.

    The village bicycle springs to mind there....
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  6. crazy88
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    crazy88 Loving the anonymity

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    Stop discussing mrs crazy88 on a public forum please!

    And why was it that when at school, the bicycle was the hot one, and now the bicycle's are always the munters?
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  7. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    Agreed, how does that work? The bird at my secondary school who was the bike was damn fine. And I mean DAMN fine.

    However, the 'dial-a-rides' these days seem to have fallen out of the ugly tree....
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  8. crazy88
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    crazy88 Loving the anonymity

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    I saw a girl from school on bacefook the other day who was a right hottie at school. Now she looks like a tramp too...so it seems that life for bicycles is over. The ones who used to be hot are now ugly, and the new bicycles are still, well, ugly...hmmm. So, it seems therefore that the hot girls are actually prudeish! bah humbug.
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  9. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    I managed to find one with the patented 'Shallow Hal Ugly Duckling Syndrome'....

    Bargain!!
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  10. crazy88
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    crazy88 Loving the anonymity

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    Lucky git!!! haha. Back to the list...I quite like No. 27 :)
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  11. Welly
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    Welly VX220 SC Driver :)

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    Working in IT makes this one not only my favourite, but also the most apt.

    'Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done'

    Thats my day at work in a nutshell!
    #11

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