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Thread: 50 Shades of RS3 – An alternative story for the RS3 challenge.

  1. #1
    MBK
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    50 Shades of RS3 – An alternative story for the RS3 challenge.

    What follows is a work of fiction, based on an almost true story, the inspiration for this was stolen from Rs3kel’s brief but to the point entry to the RS3 challenge. Please remember this is a story about one man and his car, any double entendre you read into this thread is entirely the product of your over active imagination and frankly filthy mind. Any resemblance to those living or dead is entirely intentional. All pictures remain the property of the owners with all rights acknowledged. I hope you enjoy the tale, for the hard of humour please flick your comedy switch on or change channels now. Please feel free to add your additions to this story.

    50 Shades of RS3 - a tale of automotive obsession

    I only went out to buy a shed.

    My name is Christian Suzuka-Grey, business magnate and owner of an RS3. This is the story of how a chance meeting with ‘Anastasia’ a red Audi RS3 was to change my life for ever. The Maestro Turbo had served me well but was starting to look her age in front of my small and bijou house, it’s not much but I call it home. I hope you will all heed this warning and learn from my story of woe from becoming entangled with such a beguiling mistress.



    I was on my way to the airport to take a flight to view a car. I’d seen something subtle and sophisticated that suited my personality perfectly.



    Chapter 1 - A Chance Encounter

    As I cruised past the huge glass window of the Audi dealer in the Maestro I felt my manhood stiffen as I set eyes on her for the first time.



    I strode with confidence into the dealer. There she was and I knew I had to have her now, right now.



    Her sleeker sister sat beside her and she clearly had the better TiTties but I wasn’t interested. I know the uglier one always goes and tries harder.



    The saleswoman approached. I felt the frisson of excitement run over me. Soon she’d be mine and I‘d be inside her fresh virginal body for the first time. I fumbled with her at first, my finger slipping across and pressing her slippery silver button. The key shot out at the same speed as my rising heart rate. I eventually stumbled across the the right place to press and with a little light pressure she finally opened up for me. Soon I’d be inside; the excitement was almost too much.



    To the sales woman’s surprise I entered her through the back door. The leather gave a final squeak of resistance as I eased in. The gap between her two ample buckets was tight but I pushed through. I wanted her to know who the driver was and that she’d been dominated from the start.



    Chapter 2 Our first ride:



    I knew which button to push as I moved my stubby shaft all the way back. Her muffled murmurs became a glorious guttural roar of delight. She placed her hand on my bulbous head and firmly moved my stubby shaft back and fore in her hand. Her actions were almost automatic. Slow down I pleaded, as the speed and friction increased. I’d been having trouble with my launch control lately and didn’t want to arrive prematurely.



    I gently fingered her rim, tugging and tweaking in a smooth rhythm. I quickly brought her to a massive apex. She may not be the prettiest but she’s a flat bottomed girl and flat bottom girls they make the rockin’ world go round.



    Chapter 3 - In deeper

    Once I got her home I explored every inch of her inserting my foamy lance into her all her filthy crevices.



    My fingers struggled to find purchase on her bonnet, smooth and waxed to perfection.



    "Kiss my rings" she demanded. How could I refuse?



    My only decision was which pipe to take? Choices choices? A chance to polish the dirty pipe once more? Rude not to.



    She'd been a good girl so I strapped her down and thrashed her within an inch of her life.



    Hurt me she screamed! So I put the Chris Harris M135i review on repeat loop and went to the pub.



    Chapter 4 - The Affair

    That was the day things started to go wrong. I have to admit to something of a roving eye and things were going so well until one day she caught me looking at other gorgeous models. First there was an incident with an R8. I couldn't Help thinking how much I'd like to split her flange.



    Then she caught me, my gaze lingering too long on this shaven haven, a waxed clean and unadorned bottom does it for some. Apparently this one likes the experienced touch of the older gentleman.



    Things really went wrong when she caught me doing some late night research, which some apparently call left handed surfing, on this detailing thread. How could I even look at another RS3? Was she not enough for me?



    She gave me a final warning which I failed to heed. One day while visiting bluey for an afternoon ride there was an unexpected knock at the door. "Quickly, my owner" she said breathlessly, "use the backdoor". Really I should have run but that's not an offer you get everyday.

    Chapter 5 - The Revenge

    The next time we rode hard and fast she smashed my shaft. I was spent there was nothing more I could do to satisfy her. With an evil laugh she extracted her love balls from my broken member and continued to pleasure herself.



    To get her revenge she wanted some black action. She was so disappointed to find it was all a myth and the looks hid a tiny 4 pot. No match for my throbbing pulsing 5 and she soon came home to me.



    To teach her a lesson I spanked her hard and put her away wet.



    Despite this things were never really right between us and on my next business trip away she met a loaded wrapper who could give her everything she wanted. After a nip and tuck the last time I saw her I hardly recognised her.



    If only I realised what I'd got when I had it. Gentlemen RS3 owners I hope you will heed my tale and realise what a fine beauty of a car you have.

    Probably to be discontinued...
    Last edited by MBK; 24th March 2013 at 12:02.

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    It's a Masterpiece,and I've only read half of it.

    ........... Yes, I think you will be censored.lol

    untapped talent for sure.

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    Best laugh I've had for ages.

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    Mark your a genius! Fantastic
    Ibis RS3 - Buckets - Bose - Black Ed - Privacy - New Brakes
    VW California GP 180 DSG "Candy"

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    Amusing

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    Nice work Mark,

    i may have to take mine out and give it a good thrashing!
    Last edited by Mr_Freeze; 23rd March 2013 at 20:28.

    One of 750 RS3, Ibis White, Buckets, Privacy glass, Black styling, Cruise control, Bose, Scorpion Cat Back Non-Resonated exhaust system.

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    MBK
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kohaku View Post
    It's a Masterpiece,and I've only read half of it.

    ........... Yes, I think you will be censored.lol

    untapped talent for sure.
    Hopefully I've written it with no swearing or overt statements, all the meaning is in your own mind! He he he. Couldn't resist hope it stays up, happy to reword or remove anything deemed across the line!

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    I like a good story. especially with pictures.
    Audi S3, Sprint Blue, Black Edition

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    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha........... take a bow son
    With great power comes great responsibility.......

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    MBK
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    Quote Originally Posted by robbiemac View Post
    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha........... take a bow son
    Cheers Robbie I was waiting for your response. I somehow thought you'd enjoy! Very much looking forward to writing up the RS3 meet which is all credit to you.

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    OMG how can you think of something like this ? Truly fantastic, Numero 1 !!

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    MBK
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vito View Post
    OMG how can you think of something like this ? Truly fantastic, Numero 1 !!
    Thank you Vito! It's the product of a mis-spent youth and generally oblique mind!

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    Brill fantasic as always haha ,nice one!

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    Outstanding sir!

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    Amusing...and you did not mention 'rubber' once!

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    Pure filth !!!

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    MBK
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rs3kel View Post
    Brill fantasic as always haha ,nice one!
    Thank you for the inspiration!

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    MBK
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    Quote Originally Posted by CatnipRS3 View Post
    Amusing...and you did not mention 'rubber' once!
    Especially for you:

    She wanted to practice safely so I bought a pack of 4 fresh rubbers. She was fussy through she'd only do it if they were real french letters.


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    MBK
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    Quote Originally Posted by Macdaddy View Post
    Pure filth !!!
    Why thank you. Is this what they mean by the term show us your growler?


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    N8
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    Thanks for using my pics.

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    MBK
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    Quote Originally Posted by N8 View Post
    Thanks for using my pics.
    Thanks, I hope that's OK, I made sure you're logo's are clearly displayed. They fit so well with the story.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MBK View Post
    Especially for you:

    She wanted to practice safely so I bought a pack of 4 fresh rubbers. She was fussy through she'd only do it if they were real french letters.
    So she's not had a Good year then!?!

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    Quote Originally Posted by MBK View Post
    Her sleeker sister sat beside her and she clearly had the better TiTties but I wasn’t interested
    LMAO thank you !

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    A fantastic read....still PMSL at some of those innuendos ;-)
    NOW...another similar RS3?!? ...Phantom Black RS3 with Buckets, folding auto dim mirrors, privacy glass, Bose, Alu inlays, light & rain sensor pack, black exhaust tips and now Scorpion decat pipes and MPSS rubber!

    REFUNDED - Phantom Black RS3 with Buckets, folding auto dim mirrors, privacy glass, Bose, Alu inlays, light and rain sensor pack.

    GONE - S3 SB BE - '10 plate in Ibis with Buckets; RNS-E; tech & comfort pack; Revo stage 1; Milltek TBE; BBS CK 19's in Anthracite on Asseymetric rubber!

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    Excellent story... where can I buy the book
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    The back door was a high point for me... oh that sounded wrong...
    www.SubZerosystems.co.uk - IT Consultancy

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    MBK
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    Quote Originally Posted by klauster View Post
    The back door was a high point for me... oh that sounded wrong...
    klauster, just for you a special extra section from the directors cut version of the book:

    I was pleasantly surprised when she brought a friend home for a three way. Unfortunately she was a right triple bagger and normally I'd have said flatly no. Then she whispered to me that she only ever liked to be driven from the rear. I relented and sighed to myself who looks at the fireplace when they are stoking the fire. She left with a slight tramp to match those gammy eyes.



    If it's any consolation just googling this image make me feel wrong.

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    what the fuarkk hahahahah

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    What can I say Mark, that was just so funny, not quite as good as the other RS3 challenge article (watch out for it in the magazine) the other guys in here need to get there articles written soon, yours will take some beating though, so come on guys, get writing, and no excuses, lol. x
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    MBK
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandra View Post
    What can I say Mark, that was just so funny, not quite as good as the other RS3 challenge article (watch out for it in the magazine) the other guys in here need to get there articles written soon, yours will take some beating though, so come on guys, get writing, and no excuses, lol. x
    Thanks Sandra and as with others I think you too deserve your own 'directors cut' addition.



    The Bose stereo often accompanied our sweet music but after one encounter I was reminded that Anastasia was just a young girl. Sandra, a girl I met on the internet (though her reputation is beyond repute), showed me just how my saxophone should be played, her timely blowing and rhythmic fingers soon helping me reach a huge crescendo. Alone she was much better than a Symphony.

    After than day I had little choice but to upgrade to a Bang & Oulfsen. Just thinking of those few moments still makes me 'pop up' now.



    (If I'm never seen again chaps, send help, lol!)

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    Mark

    Can we have an audio book version coz that sounded amazing (unlike Bose!)

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    Oh just for u mark

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    MBK
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rs3kel View Post
    Oh just for u mark
    That's just pure filth, you're going too far now lol!!

    Does that one actually come with it's own BP station?

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    Wish the missus was as durty as that Micra!

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    MBK
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    Quote Originally Posted by CatnipRS3 View Post
    Wish the missus was as durty as that Micra!
    I'm not quite sure how to break this to you....urm....from what a friend told me....she is!

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    That would be 45bvtc then...Oh humm!

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    Quote Originally Posted by MBK View Post
    Thanks Sandra and as with others I think you too deserve your own 'directors cut' addition.



    The Bose stereo often accompanied our sweet music but after one encounter I was reminded that Anastasia was just a young girl. Sandra, a girl I met on the internet (though her reputation is beyond repute), showed me just how my saxophone should be played, her timely blowing and rhythmic fingers soon helping me reach a huge crescendo. Alone she was much better than a Symphony.

    After than day I had little choice but to upgrade to a Bang & Oulfsen. Just thinking of those few moments still makes me 'pop up' now.



    (If I'm never seen again chaps, send help, lol!)
    Lmao Mark, thank you for my very own directors cut. x
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