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  1. #1
    batwad's Avatar
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    Angry One for the boys: urinal etiquette

    When you go to the gents and there's only three urinals, all of which are free, don't go to the middle one. Go to either of the end ones so that when I come in after you I don't have to stand next to you and be subjected to your splashback
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  3. #2
    silver75's Avatar
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    good one... spotted this at my local shopping centre



    literally seconds of fun!

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  4. #3
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    Nice. At a gig last month there was 2 guys sharing a urinal next to me while drunk. Luckily it was just as I was leaving, was disgusting and I contemplated ending them both.

  5. #4
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    They were probably thinking about "ending" each other...

  6. #5
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    LOL or you Rich ???
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  7. #6
    28v6
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    I don't have that problem...

    What "Pisses" Me off is the tip of me tool keeps gettin' wet... Damn Urinals!!

    Then there's the Twat thats having a conversation wif his mate, his mate walks away to wash, and he turns to follow....Still peeing Arrrrggggghhh!

    Then there's the "****er"... you know the one, we've all seen him... leaning on his forearm moaning into the urinal but doesn't realise all he's doing is a pee NOT shootin the bullets.. "Ohhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" You know the type usually found in Cinema toilets.

  8. #7
    silver75's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 28v6
    I don't have that problem...

    What "Pisses" Me off is the tip of me tool keeps gettin' wet... Damn Urinals!!

    Then there's the Twat thats having a conversation wif his mate, his mate walks away to wash, and he turns to follow....Still peeing Arrrrggggghhh!

    Then there's the "****er"... you know the one, we've all seen him... leaning on his forearm moaning into the urinal but doesn't realise all he's doing is a pee NOT shootin the bullets.. "Ohhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" You know the type usually found in Cinema toilets.
    funny ****

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  9. #8
    AudiSpeed28's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by batwad
    When you go to the gents and there's only three urinals, all of which are free, don't go to the middle one. Go to either of the end ones so that when I come in after you I don't have to stand next to you and be subjected to your splashback

    Dude, that's a man-law... any violators are subject to such punishments...

    Being labeled as
    1) Man-*****
    2) Meat Gazer
    3) Complete homo.

    Also, death is a fair option.

  10. #9
    hud at ye bam

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    Only three things to remember at the urinals:

    1, Every man needs his space. Personal splashback is bad, secondary is justification for homicide.

    2, Eyes front. Who are you, George Michael?

    3, No talking, I'll listen in 30 seconds.
    [/sarcasm]

  11. #10
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    Absolutely 100% essential that all toilets should have some sort of reading material at head height!

  12. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChriS3
    Only three things to remember at the urinals:

    1, Every man needs his space. Personal splashback is bad, secondary is justification for homicide.

    2, Eyes front. Who are you, George Michael?

    3, No talking, I'll listen in 30 seconds.

  13. #12
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    Chris

    The problem with common sense, is that its not that common.

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  14. #13
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    Thank god some more people who know the rules. If you're ever trying for a job at our place I'll put a word in...

    There's one cubicle downstairs that's not really a nice place to go so the larger loos upstairs get the most use. I'd say out of all the other blokes that've been in there at the same time as me only 5% know the rules, 75% have absolutely no concept of them and the rest are too far the other way and run off to a cubicle for a pee. The chatters are the worst offenders; I'm not sure how it is they feel comfortable performing both tasks at the same time. As said above, wait 30 seconds and I've got all the time in the world for you!!!

    Regards.

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  15. #14
    OutLore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FactionOne
    Thank god some more people who know the rules. If you're ever trying for a job at our place I'll put a word in...

    There's one cubicle downstairs that's not really a nice place to go so the larger loos upstairs get the most use. I'd say out of all the other blokes that've been in there at the same time as me only 5% know the rules, 75% have absolutely no concept of them and the rest are too far the other way and run off to a cubicle for a pee. The chatters are the worst offenders; I'm not sure how it is they feel comfortable performing both tasks at the same time. As said above, wait 30 seconds and I've got all the time in the world for you!!!

    Regards.

    Rob.

    30 Seconds? Dude, you need to drink more...
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    Ever used a busy urinal whilst wearing shorts? Not recommended.
    What about the guy in the corner urinal? He's always there, at 45 degrees to the wall. No one's getting to see his pride & joy.
    The most awkward situation is running into your boss or someone senior whilst on the way for your dump of the century, only to discover he's on the same mission. When is it OK to stop making small talk with him?

  17. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by OutLore
    30 Seconds? Dude, you need to drink more...
    Or maybe he has a much larger bore 'appendage' with which to urinate?


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  18. #17
    silver75's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AndyMac
    The most awkward situation is running into your boss or someone senior whilst on the way for your dump of the century, only to discover he's on the same mission. When is it OK to stop making small talk with him?
    the answers are all here Andy

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  19. #18
    L1 HCS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by silver75
    good one... spotted this at my local shopping centre



    literally seconds of fun!

    if you hit that target does it pee back at you?
    "Swallow your pride occasionally, it's not fattening." - Frank Tyger
    "Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry." - Robert Heinlein

  20. #19
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    the worst thing is when your trying to pee and u are stuck in the middle of the 3 because the other urinals and cubicals are taken and then u can't Pee for what ever reason it is!!!

    Has anyone felt that stupid that they couldnt pee that they just zipped up and walked out?

    OR IS IT JUST ME?
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  21. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Freethy
    Absolutely 100% essential that all toilets should have some sort of reading material at head height!
    I'm happy if there is a wall I can lean forward & rest my head on. I first discovered this by necessity when pissed, nearly 30 years ago. Then, over time, I discovered that this method had certain benefits whether pissed or sober, in that it changes the angle & reduces splashback.

    30 years on & I now do this as a matter of routine. The thud as my head hits the wall invariably takes any bystanders by surprise.
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  22. #21
    jdp1962's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dgannon69
    Has anyone felt that stupid that they couldnt pee that they just zipped up and walked out?

    OR IS IT JUST ME?
    Yes I have. No it is not just you. But that was then, this is now.
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  23. #22
    batwad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jdp1962
    I'm happy if there is a wall I can lean forward & rest my head on. I first discovered this by necessity when pissed, nearly 30 years ago.
    There used to be a pub in Luton that had padded cushions fixed to the wall above the urinals exactly for this reason. That was a serious drinker's pub, that was
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  24. #23
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    Aye you know it makes sense

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    Quote Originally Posted by AndyMac
    The most awkward situation is running into your boss or someone senior whilst on the way for your dump of the century, only to discover he's on the same mission. When is it OK to stop making small talk with him?
    As soon as yer arse hits the seat all form of communication stop this is your space and time, and if your prepared you will have brought some reading material with you!! LOL

    And when finished the situation is never discussed.

  25. #24
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    Who's the noncey fella that always queues for the cubicle even when there's free urinals????

    What's that all about???

    But there's always one.

    Who cares if they've got a small cock......
    S4.

  26. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by smitch
    Who's the noncey fella that always queues for the cubicle even when there's free urinals????

    What's that all about???

    But there's always one.

    Who cares if they've got a small cock......

  27. #26
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    its me coming back for my second attempt!!
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  28. #27
    Caesium's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by smitch
    Who's the noncey fella that always queues for the cubicle even when there's free urinals????

    What's that all about???

    But there's always one.

    Who cares if they've got a small cock......
    Maybe he just needs a ****..?
    Chris

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  29. #28
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    You know the one, they leave the door wide open.

    Obviously have issues.
    S4.

  30. #29
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    The urinal 'trough' in Paramount bar, in Aberdeen, used to have half a dozen or so TVs mounted behind glass...showing Glasgow Rangers playing footy...
    You ambled in, unholstered the beast, and pissed on Barry Ferguson and his merry men.
    Very satisfying...


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  31. #30
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    The urinal "trough" in a pub I was in tonight was full. Literally, to the brim. Any more in it and it would have overflowed There were a couple of pint glasses in there, full
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  32. #31
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    I've seen a few pubs where there's the trough under the actual bar (Horseshoe in Glasgow one of them). Back in the black n white days when you needed a piss you just whupped it out and carried on regardless without losing your space at the bar! Now THAT's a drinkers pub!
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  33. #32
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    Eyes forward, eyes forward.

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  34. #33
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    Worst are the ones where you need flippers and a snorkel to make it to the urinals like some of the pubs round here!...

 

 

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