When you go to the gents and there's only three urinals, all of which are free, don't go to the middle one. Go to either of the end ones so that when I come in after you I don't have to stand next to you and be subjected to your splashback 
One for the boys: urinal etiquette
- Thread starter batwad
- Start date
Rich
Rollin on boost mother hubbards
Nice. At a gig last month there was 2 guys sharing a urinal next to me while drunk. Luckily it was just as I was leaving, was disgusting and I contemplated ending them both.
Rev-head
Registered User
I don't have that problem...
What "******" Me off is the tip of me tool keeps gettin' wet... Damn Urinals!!
Then there's the **** thats having a conversation wif his mate, his mate walks away to wash, and he turns to follow....Still peeing Arrrrggggghhh!
Then there's the "******"... you know the one, we've all seen him... leaning on his forearm moaning into the urinal but doesn't realise all he's doing is a pee NOT shootin the bullets.. "Ohhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" You know the type usually found in Cinema toilets.
What "******" Me off is the tip of me tool keeps gettin' wet... Damn Urinals!!
Then there's the **** thats having a conversation wif his mate, his mate walks away to wash, and he turns to follow....Still peeing Arrrrggggghhh!
Then there's the "******"... you know the one, we've all seen him... leaning on his forearm moaning into the urinal but doesn't realise all he's doing is a pee NOT shootin the bullets.. "Ohhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" You know the type usually found in Cinema toilets.
AudiSpeed28
AudiSpeed
batwad said:When you go to the gents and there's only three urinals, all of which are free, don't go to the middle one. Go to either of the end ones so that when I come in after you I don't have to stand next to you and be subjected to your splashback
Dude, that's a man-law... any violators are subject to such punishments...
Being labeled as
1) Man-Bitch
2) Meat Gazer
3) Complete ****.
Also, death is a fair option.
Only three things to remember at the urinals:
1, Every man needs his space. Personal splashback is bad, secondary is justification for homicide.
2, Eyes front. Who are you, George Michael?
3, No talking, I'll listen in 30 seconds.
1, Every man needs his space. Personal splashback is bad, secondary is justification for homicide.
2, Eyes front. Who are you, George Michael?
3, No talking, I'll listen in 30 seconds.
Absolutely 100% essential that all toilets should have some sort of reading material at head height!
AudiSpeed28
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Thank god some more people who know the rules. If you're ever trying for a job at our place I'll put a word in...
There's one cubicle downstairs that's not really a nice place to go so the larger loos upstairs get the most use. I'd say out of all the other blokes that've been in there at the same time as me only 5% know the rules, 75% have absolutely no concept of them and the rest are too far the other way and run off to a cubicle for a pee. The chatters are the worst offenders; I'm not sure how it is they feel comfortable performing both tasks at the same time. As said above, wait 30 seconds and I've got all the time in the world for you!!!
Regards.
Rob.
There's one cubicle downstairs that's not really a nice place to go so the larger loos upstairs get the most use. I'd say out of all the other blokes that've been in there at the same time as me only 5% know the rules, 75% have absolutely no concept of them and the rest are too far the other way and run off to a cubicle for a pee. The chatters are the worst offenders; I'm not sure how it is they feel comfortable performing both tasks at the same time. As said above, wait 30 seconds and I've got all the time in the world for you!!!
Regards.
Rob.
AndyMac
Retired from service
Ever used a busy urinal whilst wearing shorts? Not recommended.
What about the guy in the corner urinal? He's always there, at 45 degrees to the wall. No one's getting to see his pride & joy.
The most awkward situation is running into your boss or someone senior whilst on the way for your dump of the century, only to discover he's on the same mission. When is it OK to stop making small talk with him?
What about the guy in the corner urinal? He's always there, at 45 degrees to the wall. No one's getting to see his pride & joy.
The most awkward situation is running into your boss or someone senior whilst on the way for your dump of the century, only to discover he's on the same mission. When is it OK to stop making small talk with him?
Ess_Three
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dgannon69
Registered User
the worst thing is when your trying to pee and u are stuck in the middle of the 3 because the other urinals and cubicals are taken and then u can't Pee for what ever reason it is!!!
Has anyone felt that stupid that they couldnt pee that they just zipped up and walked out?
OR IS IT JUST ME?
Has anyone felt that stupid that they couldnt pee that they just zipped up and walked out?
OR IS IT JUST ME?
I'm happy if there is a wall I can lean forward & rest my head on. I first discovered this by necessity when ******, nearly 30 years ago. Then, over time, I discovered that this method had certain benefits whether ****** or sober, in that it changes the angle & reduces splashback.Freethy said:
30 years on & I now do this as a matter of routine. The thud as my head hits the wall invariably takes any bystanders by surprise.
dgannon69 said:Has anyone felt that stupid that they couldnt pee that they just zipped up and walked out?
OR IS IT JUST ME?
Yes I have. No it is not just you. But that was then, this is now.
AndyMac said:
As soon as yer **** hits the seat all form of communication stop this is your space and time, and if your prepared you will have brought some reading material with you!! LOL
And when finished the situation is never discussed.
dgannon69
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Ess_Three
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The urinal 'trough' in Paramount bar, in Aberdeen, used to have half a dozen or so TVs mounted behind glass...showing Glasgow Rangers playing footy...
You ambled in, unholstered the beast, and ****** on Barry Ferguson and his merry men.
Very satisfying...
You ambled in, unholstered the beast, and ****** on Barry Ferguson and his merry men.
Very satisfying...
Peloton
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I've seen a few pubs where there's the trough under the actual bar (Horseshoe in Glasgow one of them). Back in the black n white days when you needed a **** you just whupped it out and carried on regardless without losing your space at the bar! Now THAT's a drinkers pub! 
TDI-line
Uber Post Whore
