Overheard in London

Girl with long curly blonde hair struggling with an umbrella at Liverpool Street Station.

"Oh you ******* thing! Why won't you work? You have to help me fight the frizz!"

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I was sitting outside a Soho pub at lunchtime, when a guy walked past and answered his mobile phone with the words

"Hello, McDonalds help line"

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Girl walking past homeless guy on street: "I've got half a sandwich - do you want it?"
Homeless guy: "I'd rather have your phone number"

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While in a pub which was having a poker night and cards have been dealt pre-flop
Bald Man: "Ahhh King Two"
*Silence*
Bald Man: "**** I said that out loud!"
*Laughter from the pub*
Bald Man: "That was meant to stay in my head!"

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