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  1. #1
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    A BIG thank you!

    Just before the end of the year I wanted to thank you for the emails you
    have forwarded over the year.

    I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in
    the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every
    envelope that needs sealing.

    Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl who is
    about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change
    once I receive the 15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft are sending me for
    participating in their special email programs. Or from the senior bank
    clerk in
    Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for
    pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

    I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
    for me.

    I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to
    seven friends and make a wish within five minutes. I no longer drink
    Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

    I can no longer buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car
    so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. I no
    longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a perfume
    sample and rob me.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
    and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to
    Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and
    Uzbekistan. I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
    African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
    bites my bum.

    I can't even pick up the 5 I found dropped in the car park because it
    probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to
    grab my leg.

    If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
    minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will crap on your head at
    5:00pm
    tomorrow afternoon and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing
    you to grow a hairy hump. I know this because it actually happened to a
    friend of a neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's
    cousin's beautician.

    By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
    discovered that people with low IQ who don't have enough sex, always read
    their emails while holding the mouse.

    Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

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  3. #2
    crazy88's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aythreee View Post

    By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
    discovered that people with low IQ who don't have enough sex, always read
    their emails while holding the mouse.

    Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
    haha, I had just taken it off about 5seconds before I read this bit. Therefore my IQ must be a little bit higher than what you are suggesting.


  4. #3
    Welly's Avatar
    Testing dodgy Chinese gear...

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    Quote Originally Posted by aythreee View Post
    a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
    discovered that people with low IQ who don't have enough sex, always read
    their emails while holding the mouse.
    It's like you've known me all my life.......
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    "Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail."
    Homer Simpson

    Quote Originally Posted by Prawn View Post
    Wellyboots, you are quite literally my most favourite pikey in the entire world




  5. #4
    crazy88's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Welly View Post
    It's like you've known me all my life.......
    A study in Japan also said that those with the highest IQ hold their mouse in their hands, whilst getting gratuitous amounts of sex, and thinking of their e-mail.

    I'm not one of those, although I may try introduce it.


 

 

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