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Thread: A few jokes....

  1. #1
    SnoopS3's Avatar
    You cant beat German

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    A few jokes....

    I keep having my profile on that dating website 'Match.com' rejected.

    One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?'.

    Apparently 'my c*ck' is not an acceptable answer.


    ------------------------------------------------------------------


    A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got one
    minute to get out!'

    The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you c*nt!'


    -------------------------------------------------------------------


    why are women like clouds? eventually they f*ck off
    and its a really
    nice day


    ------------------------------------------------------------------


    Whats the difference between light and hard?

    You can sleep with a light on.


    -------------------------------------------------------------------


    A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I
    please have a KitKat
    Chunky?'

    The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky
    and brings it back to
    him.

    'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal KitKat, you
    fat b*tch.'


    --------------------------------------------------------------------


    My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought
    me one of these mood
    rings so she could monitor my mood.

    We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it
    turns green and, when I
    am in a bad mood, it leaves a big f*cking red mark
    on her forehead.


    ----------------------------------------------------------------------


    I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to
    me and asked to
    check her balance.
    So I pushed her over.



    -----------------------------------------------------------------------


    Zebo, a half blind five year old south african
    orphan, has to ride 7
    miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle
    with buckled wheels
    and no brakes. Give just a small donation of 2 dollars
    and we'll send you
    the video, it's f*cking hilarious....


    ----------------------------------------------------------------------


    I had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate
    habit of eating shuttlecocks.

    Bad minton.


    ----------------------------------------------------------------------


    Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My
    mother-in-law is an
    angel'. His mate replies 'You're so f*cking lucky...
    Mine is still
    alive...'



    -----------------------------------------------------------------------


    A man goes into a library and asks for a book on
    suicide.
    The librarian says; 'F*ck off, you won't bring it
    back.'


    ----------------------------------------------------------------------


    2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco
    Machine. He lasts over
    10 minutes.
    'Crikey mate, that was impressive!'

    'I get lots of practice' Replied the other guy. 'My
    Wife's epileptic'
    Mk4 Polo 6N - Slooooww
    Mk2 Golf GTi - Old skool
    Audi S3 8L - i hate insurance!

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  3. #2
    Andy D's Avatar
    1st Gear

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    (Andy D's wife)just not my cup of tea not a prude or anything just didnt find them funny sorry mate

    (Andy D) lol, sorry my wife just a moany git at times and can be a bit of a man hater depending on the time of the month etc, for what it's worth I liked them!
    Last edited by Andy D; 22nd July 2008 at 23:27.
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  4. #3
    quattrojames's Avatar
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  5. #4
    ALPINE's Avatar
    Yes its diesel, now cry u lost

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    wtf.. i thought they were funny!! specially the last 1!!

    Now to many mods to list! Lots of power, torque and Leather!

  6. #5
    Nilz's Avatar
    Defo worth the wait :)

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    Pretty decent!!!

  7. #6
    ALPINE's Avatar
    Yes its diesel, now cry u lost

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    still... weeks on... and that bad minton 1 cracks me up to tears! its not even funny!

    Now to many mods to list! Lots of power, torque and Leather!

 

 

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