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Thread: Airline Logs

  1. #1
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    Airline Logs

    AIRLINE LOGS
    Some extracts from actual maintenance logs recorded by pilots with the responses of the ground maintenance engineers to the complaint.
    Who said that engineers lack a sense of humour?


    Pilot: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
    Engineer: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

    P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
    E: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

    P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
    E: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos 1, 3 and 4 propellors lack normal seepage.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    E: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windscreen.
    E: Live bugs on order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 fpm descent.
    E: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    E: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    E: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: IFF inoperative.
    E: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    E: Suspect youre right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    E: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    E: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    E: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    E: Cat installed.

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  3. #2
    marms's Avatar
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    Some fantastic sarcatic humor there. Love it.
    I'm an optimist but I don't think it helps much.

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    We were told these as part of my training in the aerospace industry, they defy belief
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  5. #4
    grathies's Avatar
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    I work in Aerospace and we get some components returned to us with stupidly phrased reasoning, this one is a classic

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    E: Something tightened in cockpit.

  6. #5
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    I heard an ATC recording of a pilot decending and reporting a "layer of icing". ATC responded quick as a flash, "Roger, report clear of the marzipan!".....
    For about the next 2 hours lots of other planes coming on the channel other plane on the channel joined in and ribbed the original pilot, things like "dodgy currents" and "Roger, peel off left to heading 270!" loads of really tenuous cake and cookery related quips.....the controller felt quite bad about what he had started, but it was pretty funny and very quick witted.

  7. #6
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    Plenty more ATC humour to be found over here: http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?t=59309

    One of my faves though:

    The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.

    Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."

    Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate."

    The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

    Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

    Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."

    Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"

    Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."
    Regards,

    Rob.
    Last edited by FactionOne; 29th November 2007 at 18:29.

  8. #7
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    Top class.

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  9. #8
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    That is pure class FactionOne!!

 

 

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